Stating the smarky obvious

On this past RAW, John Cena cut a promo where he basically said everything smarky wrestling fans like me already knew: the United States championship is way more valuable than the World championship.  The thing is, up until last night, those are the kinds of things that the WWE, much less the wrestlers themselves aren’t necessarily supposed to acknowledge, especially on live television.

Needless to say, I found it very amusing, and one of those “Oooh” moments, but the formula doesn’t change; if the WWE is allowing it to happen, then it’s very much no longer breaking meta, it’s now a storyline.

The thing is that everyone knows it’s true, be it fans, the wrestlers, and the WWE organization itself.  The U.S. title is way more prestigious than the World championship is right now.  It’s just more amazing that they’re acknowledging it so blatantly on live TV.  It’s almost as if the WWE is trying to one of those preemptive power plays, where bringing the awareness to the forefront strips the power of it in the background, where an opinion like this would typically ferment.

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A match worth watching

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the mind of WWE personnel whenever they have a televised match on one of their flagship shows that absolutely tears the roof off the building.  Is it either an “oh shit, I can’t believe we just gave that away for free” feeling, or is it a “we’re creeping towards stale programming, and we really have to throw the audience a bone lest they start bitching with gas” feeling, or somewhere in between?

It’s no secret that wrestling television shows exist primarily to sell wrestling products, such as the WWE Network, merchandise and other endeavors, and that there’s typically a wall or ceiling of quality that they’re typically allowed to display, so that they can keep the really awesome things in their back pockets for those willing to shell out the extra money to see them.

It’s also no secret that without restriction or boundaries, almost any two wrestlers in the locker room could put on a five-star classic on any given night.  Seriously, just because they’re portrayed as jobbers, or not even wrestlers on the flagship WWE shows doesn’t mean that they’re not actually capable of wrestling.  Just a few months ago, there was rumblings of basically a borderline mutiny within the WWE locker room, because the company’s own developmental territory in NXT was putting on way higher quality of a show, with “lesser-known” talent from what’s basically portrayed as the company’s minor leagues (it’s actually more of a holding pen).

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Thoughts on WM31’s main event

I would never have expected Wrestlemania’s main event to have been as gripping as it was.  Honestly, I tend to temper my expectations for Wrestlemanias in general, but ultimately, I treat them like I’m watching RAW; skim and glaze through everything, but typically ignore the main event.

For the most part, all of Wrestlemania 31 was pretty formulaic, and nothing was really that big of a surprise.  I would have liked to have seen more Cesaro, Axelmania and Damien Mizdow, and it’s kind of an insult that both the tag team match and the Andre the Giant Battle Royale were put onto the pre-show, but whatever.

I had higher hopes for John Cena vs. Rusev, and was a little disappointed to see that they broke my theorized rule of Wrestlemania, which is needing to hit three finishing maneuvers before the match can be decided.  I didn’t expect much from any other match, be it the Divas, the Intercontinental ladder match, and definitely not Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt.

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What would happen if fans ran the WWE

Impetus: Butthurt wrestling fans flood social media with their displeasure of latest WWE product, make major outlets like TIME actually think WWE is in trouble.

The WWE’s going to be fine.  They’ll weather the age of insufferable (social media) as they weathered the age of steroids, the age of reality, the age of competition, and every other age that they’ve ever had to weather.

As much as I hate to cite those obnoxious “Keep Calm” sayings, it actually rings true when it comes to wrestling fans, primarily those that only pay attention to the WWE; they simply need to keep calm and trust in Vince, because one way or the other, the company is going to survive this, they’re going to adapt, and they’re going to make it.

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College football and wrestling logic, revisited

Ultimately, if it were up to me, I would have liked to have seen Oregon win the National Championship, because when the day is over, it’s always fun to see Ohio State get shit on.  But when the mighty Oregon offense simply could not accomplish anything against Ohio State’s defense, even after halftime, the writing was on the wall and I frankly didn’t even have to stay up until the finish to know that the Ducks were toast.

As a consolation prize though, however, I can apply the aforementioned wrestling logic that Virginia Tech are the uncrowned National Champions, by virtue of being the one team that actually beat Ohio State throughout the entire season.

This is where Rick Rude with Frank Beamer emerges from the curtain to shit on the championship parade being held by the Ultimate Warrior after beating Hulk Hogan to remind the Warrior that he still has his own championship victory over him, and that BCS Redemption sponsored by Snickers, the National Championship should be on the line against the Hokies.

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A piece of my childhood died when I saw this

Aww, how cute.  The big tatted man got 99 problems, but his bitch ain’t one of them.  What a clever play on popular rap lyrics from almost a decade ago!

What’s that?  The big tatted man is the Undertaker?  THE Undertaker?  The WWE’s legendary tough guy with the gimmick of being the partially dead undertaker Undertaker?  The one professional wrestler that lived and breathed his character for nearly 25 full years, and despite the fact that it became known that wrestling was scripted, predetermined and for all intents and purposes fake, was the guy that fans and non-fans alike seemed to agree upon was “actually tough” Undertaker?

The same Undertaker that I met in an airport hotel in Cleveland, Ohio who refused to take a picture with me, but shook my hand and fulfilled a wrestling fanboy’s achievement in a way.  I often assumed the anti-photos was to protect the integrity of his character save for stuff like Make-A-Wish campaign kids or something, and I didn’t think much about it because I was kind of in awe of being able to say that I met the Undertaker.

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Ohio State and wrestling logic

A funny thing happened with the first-ever College Football playoffs: two teams notorious for being chokers have broken through, and will play for the National Championship in ten days.  For better or worse, between Oregon and Ohio State, one of two teams that have been known for being #2 ranked, or should’ve beens is actually going to come out of the game as the National Champion of college football.*

*Speaking of should’ve beens, not to be ignored are the losses suffered by both Mississippi State and Ole Miss in their respective bowl games over the weekend.  The sound of bandwagon football fandom in the state of Mississippi is a lot like the sound of a hearty toilet flush.

Honestly, I don’t really have much care for either team going for the National Championship.  Oregon is a team that I always felt has been kind of overrated, playing in a patsy conference, and has never really truly been tested by an SEC school in like, ever.**  Sure, they’re a high-tempo, exciting team to watch, but I think there’s a clear reason why they’ve never actually won the whole thing, in spite of their perpetual top-5 rankings every year.

**1-2 since 2010, with the one win coming against Tennessee, which is the equivalent of a wrestler beating Virgil, and then bragging about having a win against an nWo member.

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