Tag: death

Forever questions

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The afternoon after I wrote my last post, I got home from work and I went into the backyard with the dog for some routine ball time.  In between throws, I scoured the ground and all the numerous patches of clover, looking for a four-leaf clover.  I know that at my old house, the backyard was rife with four-leafers, but it never took away from the happiness from finding one, with the hopes that somewhere in the world, the magic of the luck of a four-leaf clover could be cashed in, in some capacity.  And given the intensive dread that existed at that time concerning my family, I felt really, really hopeful that I could find just one more four-leaf clover in my new backyard.

I couldn’t.  Even after nearly 45 minutes of looking for a four-leaf clover, there were none to be found in my new house.  Even the dog was tired of running for the ball at that point.  There simply wasn’t one that I could find.

But it’s not that it would have mattered anyways.  About an hour or so later, I received a phone call from my sister, who let me know that her husband, my brother-in-law and father to my niece and nephew had passed away two hours earlier, well before I had begun my search for a four-leaf clover.

Even now, I replay the conversation in my head, and it brings tears to my eyes every time, hearing details of his last moments, and how he seemingly held on just long enough for his kids to make it to the hospital so he could say goodbye to them.  It’s difficult to even type out these words and keep my composure, thinking about it.

The thing is, all this happened right on the day in which my vacation was starting.  My first flight out was just hours away after getting off the phone with my sister, and I felt trapped in this unwinnable bubble that whatever I did was going to be the wrong decision.  Despite the fact that my sister insisted that I go anyway and try to have the best time I could given the circumstances, I still felt like an asshole embarking on an international vacation when someone important to my family had just died.  Sure, I know my sister, and I knew my brother-in-law well enough to know that they’d both have wanted me to go, but it still didn’t entirely feel right.

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Relevant versus thorough

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

My first thought when I heard that Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez died in a boating accident was “holy shit.”

My next thought was wondering if there were any drugs or alcohol involved.

Typically, I’m the kind of guy that likes to write about my feelings about particular topics, often waxing poetic about guys like Jose Fernandez, professional athletes capable of extraordinary things like striking out everyone they face.  In that regard, I’m not really that different from most people who like baseball and enjoy writing on the side.

The thing is, far too often, I’ve seen instances where people are reported dead, and then immediately eulogized as these tragic losses of life, often under veils of innocence, external faults and no wrong doing on their own parts.  In the case of athletes, stellar statistics or professional achievements are cited, like Fernandez’s 2013 National League Rookie of the Year honors or the extraordinary number of strikeouts he’s amassed in his career.

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I hope he throws salt in God’s eyes and whacks him with his cane

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In memoriam: Harry Fujiwara AKA Mr. Fuji dies at the age of 82 years old

I’ll be honest, I didn’t really care that much when Paul Bearer died.  Sure, he was a memorable personality in the wrestling industry, who had the luxury of being associated with one of the greatest of all times in The Undertaker, but let’s be real here, he wasn’t really that interesting of a guy to me.  He spoke in a ghostly voice and was visually memorable, but he never got his hands dirty, he rarely took bumps, and really, he only managed three guys ever, Kane and Mankind on top of the Undertaker.

But Mr. Fuji passing, that elicits actual downer emotions within me.  Mr. Fuji was undoubtedly on the Mount Rushmore of classically heel managers, along with Bobby Heenan, Jimmy Hart and the Slickster.  Mr. Fuji was a guy that was memorable for all the reasons, right and wrong, whether it was because he was a walking caricature of Japanese stereotypes, with his Uncle Tom suit and bad guy bowler hat, or the fact that when you look at the guys he managed, he certainly managed his share of actual champions.

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Surrogate parents and heartbreaks

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve made no secret that my relationship with my parents is a little difficult at times.  I genuinely love them dearly, but they’re not perfect parents; which is fine, because I am far from the perfect child.  However, there’s no denying the fact that the language barrier between us makes things difficult at times, and sometimes I feel like I might not have the same types of relationships with my parents as those around me might, simply because of culture differences and communication woes.

That being said, throughout my life, I’ve always done my best to endear myself to the parents of my friends.  It’s important to me, that to those people who are important to me, that I can make a good impression on their parents, because I know that in most cases, their parents are important to them.  What’s important to them, is important to me.  Did I say important enough in this paragraph?

Anyway, along the way, I’ve been privileged to develop relationships with the parents of many friends in my life.  And to no disrespect to my own parents, but in a way it’s like I’m picking up other moms and dads along the way, who kind of in their own way, fill niche voids, and sometimes do their best impressions of having parented me, when my own parents couldn’t.  I’m not saying I’ve ever been disciplined or overly lectured by any of these surrogate parents, but mostly it’s in regards to simple hospitality, advice, or just observing on how they conduct themselves, treat their children, my friends, that I feel like I learn, and in some way become shaped as a person myself.

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Let’s talk about dying

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I just want to start off by saying that me talking about death and dying is by no means any indication that I’m in an extreme state of depression or contemplating killing myself or anything horrific like that.  It’s just been something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, and to me, it’d be a waste to not at least address it in writing, and try and work the thoughts out and try and interpret some meaning from them.

Anyway, not to get too far into the drama between my separating parents, but there is a particular outstanding conflict that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, and is causing a lot of angst within my immediate family.  It all narrows down to my dad’s paranoia and conspiracy theories, but a new revelation learned over my last visit was the belief that he wasn’t going to live that long.  He’s by no means elderly, but according to my dad, he seems to believe that he’s not going to live to the age in which his parents passed.  Be it cancer or some other terminal illness, he doesn’t think he’s going to live to 80 much less 90, citing such substantial evidence as “I can feel it” and uses that as justification to hang onto the residence that’s really more than what one solitary person really needs.

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Celebrating life, instead of mourning passing

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

A day later, it’s beautiful outside.  One of the nicest days in ages, in spite of the changing of the seasons, and the sporadic rainfall had in Atlanta over the past weeks. The heavens must have been appeased by a most worthy addition received last night.

Jen and I both knew this day was eventually going to come, but in spite of it, nothing ever really could prepare you for when that time comes.  Even in dog years, Nikki was pushing the boundaries of mortality, exceeding 19 human years; regardless, knowing the end is closer doesn’t make it any simpler for when the end does arrive.

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