Tag: depression

False truths

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Fact: 5000% of potential companies looking for graphic designers are located in Norcross, Lawrenceville, Duluth, or Alpharetta.  They all list their offices as “Atlanta.”

Truth:  0% of these are remotely even close to the City of Atlanta.  Technically, I don’t even live in the City of Atlanta, but as sure as shitting out of my asshole, I’m a lot fucking closer to Atlanta than any of those regions 25+ miles outside of the city.

But it’s not their fault.  It’s mine.  I chose to live in this part of town where robberies occur more frequently than others, none of my local friends live anywhere near, and I’m completely on the polar opposite side of the city from where I could probably already have a job by now.  And nothing can be done about it, because regardless of what the news and media is boasting about an improving economy, homeowners like myself can’t possibly even fathom wanting to sell property, and even have a prayer at breaking even.

A small bit of truth

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Even though the alarm is set, admittedly, over the last two weeks, in the back of my mind, is some fear.  As I lay in bed, before sleep befalls me, my eyes dart over to the security panel on my wall to verify and re-verify that the red light indicating that the security system is on.  I used to set my television to sleep timer on some of the plain music channels, just because I had some insomnia, but I grew to preferring silence.  But now I’m back to the former, because I try to convince myself that classical music can possibly mute some of my thinking.  It doesn’t.  But the sound is comforting.

I hate this feeling.  And as much as I’m aware the passage of time reduces the feelings, there is never going to be light at the end of the tunnel.

A Bad Direction

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve been struggling getting up in the morning to run. A combination of not regularly working, but mostly the fact that at 7:00 am, it’s as pitch black as Wesley Snipes outside, and I can’t really fathom running in it. So, I’ve been skipping my morning jogs far too frequently, which obviously, is not a good thing.

Worse, I’m posting such thoughts from a Five Guys. I’m going to become a (worse) jealous fatty again at this rate.

I’ve been a bad brogger

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been well aware throughout the last fifteen days that I hadn’t updated the brog in a while.  And as much as I felt the obligation to myself to keep up the practice of writing, I just didn’t feel like it.  But in all fairness, I haven’t really felt like doing a whole lot of much throughout the last few weeks.  To be perfectly honest, I didn’t much feel like doing much writing now, but enough has more or less been enough, and I figure it would be good to put some words down on the e-paper to hopefully clear my head a little bit.

As has been the general mood of self these last few months or so, things have not been going too particularly well in my life, as well as the lives of those around me.  I’ve hit a little bit of a rough patch, and am still kind of riding it right now.  Just the other day, I went to the bank and deposited a small cache of cash that I had stashed away, designated as “birthday money only to be spent on something superficial and gratifying and not bills” . . . because my bank account was precariously low, and without the deposit, I run the risk of not being able to pay my bills.  The disaster was temporarily averted, but it doesn’t really change the fact that I’m occasionally feeling the overwhelming feeling of drowning from time to time, compounded by emotions of the uncertainty of freelance working, and the phone not ringing with potential full-time work.

Continue reading “I’ve been a bad brogger” →

Depression as result of unemployment, take #39

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Earlier today, I returned home from the Braves’ afternoon game that I was able to attend because I’m not working, irritated that despite the stellar record the Braves have at home, they still managed to put up a stinker and lose to a poor Nationals team that made me wish I hadn’t come out to the park to witness.  Compounded with the fact that I was irritated with the spontaneous traffic jam that occurred on my way home, the sheer lack of a conveniently located Chic-Fil-A to satiate the irritating hunger that descended upon me that caused an irritating headache, mostly stemming from zero caffeine prior to.

I returned home from trivia after yet another disappointing 4th place finish, irritated that no matter how well we think we’re doing, we’re just not quite good enough.  As I was driving home, I thought to myself that I should probably get to bed as soon as possible, so I could wake up early for my morning jog.  But what after that?  I’m not working, so essentially, there’s absolutely little motive for me to sleep at a normal time, to wake up early.  On top of that, I’ve had about four Diet Cokes in the last eight hours, and now I’m a little caffeinated; but at least the headache is gone.

I need to get myself some real fucking work.

Continue reading “Depression as result of unemployment, take #39” →

Something substantial

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Since I don’t really want to fall into a brogger’s rut of simply posting nothing but a picture and a quick blurb of words, on a daily basis, I sit down today to write.

A brogger’s rut isn’t the only thing that I’m risking falling into these days, because as much as I hate to admit it, I feel that I have fallen into a more proverbial life’s rut these last few weeks.  Ever since I returned from Chicago, I have struggled to get back into a sense of routine, comfort, and the resulting ease of mind that comes with doing the same shit on a regular basis.  I guess it wasn’t necessarily the fault of my trip to Chicago, but now that I think about it, kind of a result of events and happenings of this summer as a whole, perhaps.  Now I’m not going to say that my life is miserable and sucks by any stretch of the imagination, but at the same time I’m not going to ignore the facts, or at least hypothesis, that I might be a little depressed these days.

Continue reading “Something substantial” →