Tag: job

A long awaited two weeks notice

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

As much as I’d been waiting to do this and I had fantasized about it over the last year and change, I still found myself pretty anxious to have the talk with the boss of mine that I had grown to not particularly like over the last three years.  This is the longest stop I’ve ever had in my career, at just under six years, so no matter all the good that will come from moving on, there’s still the sheer, change, of everything that brought on a little bit of nerves.

And when the day was over, the conversation really was just about everything that I had predicted it would be.  Regardless of how important I feel that I am to my team, and all of the contributions and things that I do for the team and my reports, I knew that my boss would no-sell me giving my notice like Hercules vs. Sid, because I’ve felt that she’s been trying to get me to quit for the better part of the last two years, and me leaving, in spite of the workflow issues it may cause, would still be satisfactory for her, so that she could backfill my position with a spineless puppet. 

Which is pretty much what happened, not surprising to me at all.  But we also had a fairly civil conversation about how I didn’t really want to leave the company, and how I tried to make a move when there was a reorganization and an influx of open positions to move into, and when things didn’t work out in my favor, I realized that I had to leave.

Most importantly though, regardless of the greener pastures I may be headed to, what is the hardest part about ultimately leaving is the people.  As cliché as it sounds, I really did meet a lot of really good people, and I love all of my reports that I’ve had throughout the years, and leaving them, won’t ever not feel like I’m leaving them a little bit high and dry.

It’s funny, one of the things I said to my boss was that I was grateful for the guidance she gave me throughout the years.  As pleasant as it might sound, it probably isn’t for the reasons that she thinks they might be, because through her guidance, I really learned or affirmed a lot of the traits of leadership that I didn’t want to put onto my own subordinates.

And out of respect for my team, I pulled them aside separately to tell them the news personally, because I love and respect them, and I didn’t want them finding out soullessly from my boss.  How I was always one of them, and will always be one of them, graphic designers, regardless of what my title was, and that it was always important to be their advocates and defenders of bullets and shrapnel, and to protect them when I could.  Because without their contributions, the company wouldn’t have advertising, and how that they’re more important than all sorts of meaningless titles that are perceived to be above them.

Perhaps they were fluffing my ego or just being nice, but the general response from them was definitely mostly sad.  Two reached out independently to tell me that my departure will make it much easier for them to look elsewhere, and two others that I emailed in lieu of their absences, didn’t respond immediately, uncharacteristically of them, making me wonder if I’ve given them a little bit of a shock.

All the same, regardless of how sad I might be to be leaving the place where I’ve spent more time than anywhere else, when the day is over, good people and company loyalty don’t pay the bills, and child care if fucking ridiculous.  It was still a very easy choice to accept the new position that I was offered, and I’m sure as my start date gets closer I will become more excited about the new journey my career will be headed in.

But until then, it’ll be a tumultuous two weeks of tying up loose ends, trying to figure out all my financials from the old job, while my new equipment and orientation of the new one starts to queue up.  It’s going to be very important for me to get mentally prepared for the new job, because I definitely know what a muddy mindset can do to a job if you’re not mentally ready for it.

2 Under 2: A very different story this time (#076)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

As I wind down my second paternity leave, I feel pretty much not much from the dread of returning to work, and a lot of anxiety at the uncertainty of what life is going to be like in the coming weeks.  I went into this paternity leave feeling burned out and exasperated from the combination of a job that I’d soured on plus the rigors of parenting two under two.  I conclude my paternity leave feeling burned out and exasperated, except this time there is no work to blame for the overflow of stress and in fact, I’m going back to it.

I had hoped that taking the working part out of the equation would alleviate a lot of pressures of daily life of parenting, but things just didn’t really work out that way, much to my disappointment.  A vast combination of parenting factors, such as sleep issues with #2 that are wildly inconsistent and persistent, #1 entering a very precarious stage in her life where basically everything is a hair trigger to a crying meltdown, the fact that I have basically little to no help on a regular basis, and have spent an inordinate amount of hours doing double duty on both kids at the same time.

Most every day over the last twelve weeks has had at least one instance where I get upset or exasperated, and by now I’m often feeling so over parenting and as I’ve said numerous times, just want a single day where I can not have to be a parent so that I can appropriately recharge, but know it’ll never happen because my circumstances are precarious and difficult for anyone to really handle plus I don’t trust anyone to do all the ungodly amount of chores and tasks I do on a daily basis as well as I do.

Make no mistake, I feel like shit and am endlessly guilty admitting to all of this, but inherently therein lies just how difficult the journey of life with two children under the age of two is, and made more difficult in the midst of an endless pandemic where we can’t send #1 off to daycare or have a larger pool of people to trust with child care that isn’t the family that lives 3-10 hours away from us.

But at the same time, I’m not going to sugar coat it, lie and say everything is fine, because it most definitely isn’t.  Parenting is hard.  Parenting two kids is even harder, especially when I’m having to do it on my own as often as I do.  Multiply that by difficult behaviors, a lack of sleep, no breaks or times to unwind, and you have me.  Obviously, it would be arrogant to think that I am a genuinely unique instance as dads throughout history have undoubtedly matched my circumstances if not worse countless times, but I sure as shit don’t know anyone who is or has, in my little bubble of life.

I don’t have enough help.  My wife and I do not have enough help.  The state we live in, in the country it resides in, isn’t doing enough to help us much less themselves, based on the rise of Omicron and the endless existence of coronavirus.  Child care is expensive and bleeding us, especially since the last six weeks of my leave were the unpaid portion of it.  I really didn’t want to go unpaid for six weeks, but the needs of my children still come first, and seeing as how we still have no fucking clue to what’s going to happen once both mythical wife and I are both working, there is no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I want to enjoy the last moments of this leave with my second child as I did with my first, but it’s proving to be difficult to do so.  Time is never on our side, and I am always against a clock somewhere for some reason.  Again, it sucks balls writing all of this out and admitting to just how upset I’ve gotten more than I like to admit, but shit, life has been hard, and there’s no reason to deny it.  One of these days, I hope that it won’t be as much so, but I’m definitely struggling to navigate things beyond a few hours of each day at a time.

Maybe in the near-to-distant future, or later on down the line when this post shows up on my On This Day, I’ll re-read posts like this and cringe at just how stupid I sounded, because life then will be so much better, or hopefully not, still be in this depressing state in the future.  But true to the brog, this is where I am at in this juncture of time, and shit ain’t easy.  And with going back to work on the near horizon, it probably won’t be getting any simpler any time soon.

I sometimes think only I can find the negative in a really great deal

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

So in my last bitchy dad post, I mentioned that some really great news came my way, that I couldn’t really feel happy about because I was too busy being a bitchy dad at that moment in my life.  But to any of my zero readers who read my shit with regularity might’ve seen a post a little while back that mentioned that I was in the hunt for a new job.

Well, I succeeded.  An offer came my way, that I’m 99% certain that I’m going to accept, because it’s a higher title than where I’m at now, a fairly substantial raise from what I make, and if/when the day comes when we have to occasionally go into the office, it’s actually a closer drive than my current job, and I wouldn’t have to get on a single highway.

All things considered, it’s a win in every aspect.

So why am I writing about it as if there was some sort of questionable catch?

The thing is, there really are none.  At least from most normal standards.  The only reason I’m not completely gung-ho about the whole opportunity is that in spite of all the wins, this wasn’t my first pick in my job search.

Continue reading “I sometimes think only I can find the negative in a really great deal” →

2 Under 2: Days like today I’m over parenting (#075)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I should be happy and excited right now.  I have received some very good personal news.  But I’m not.  I can’t be, because parenting two under two is soul sucking draining and there’s no room in my life for anything me, because I’m dealing with two crying kids all fucking day every fucking day and I have no idea when it will ever get any easier. 

#2 sucks at sleeping and doesn’t nap or stay asleep which already drains me daily, but has now devolved to where it encroaches into my one-on-one time with #1, because she’s insisting on waking up earlier than ever, despite not getting any more nap time or night sleep, so I am literally handcuffed to her from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed.  And to think she had one really perfect day earlier in the week where she slept until 8, had two perfect naps, and didn’t fight me Mortal Kombat when it came time to sleep.  

To make life any easier, #1 has apparently begun entering the terrible two phase where everything warrants crying and tantrums, and we’re talking real tears and snot and screaming and shunning.  And there will be moments in the day where both kids are crying, fussing, screaming, or all of the above to where I just have to stop, stand there still, and contemplate that this is where my life is at, and wondering, what. the. fuck. 

Obviously I’m not the only dad or any parent who’s ever been in this situation, but I would really like to know how other dads have fared or handled this specific scenario of simultaneously raising two under two, in similar aged kids to my own.  I need to know I’m not alone here, because I’m constantly overwhelmed, constantly overworked, often miserable, and at times completely over being a parent and just wanting a fucking break that will never happen because two under two is too much to ask of anyone to alleviate me of and I can’t rely on anyone and I don’t know any two people or don’t trust anyone to do a fraction of shit I do on a daily basis to get me one. 

I know that I’m not alone under these circumstances. I just want to hear it. 

But the disheartening thing is that I don’t know anyone in these circumstances. My friends and our generation itself are all so anti-kids or they have just one kid, or they’re fortunate enough to have family and other free care to lend hands, that it really does feel sometimes that I am alone.  

All I want for Christmas is a single day where I can turn off dad mode and live like a regular human being for a day.  Sleep without an alarm. Past 7 am. Eat when I want to eat and not when #1 eats so she doesn’t get pissed that I’m eating without her. To have a moment where I realize that I can run, write, or workout or watch tv for an hour without getting interrupted. Not be on double duty with two kids by myself for 3-5 hours a day.  Not to have to deal with pets.  To have an evening where I don’t have to sprint upstairs at a moments notice 3-5 times to pacify a kid because they can’t stay asleep.

Just one fucking day.  Happy Kwanzaa 

Oh, and my nanny just called in sick. Today’s going to be awesome.  Happy Hanukkah 

I had no idea it would be so satisfying

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Last week, I had a job interview.  It was from a company that had cold-called me from LinkedIn, so needless to say, I didn’t have any particular interest in them upon finding out who they were and what they did.  But they didn’t bat an eye when I dropped some inflated salary requirements, because I wasn’t really that interested, so I decided to take the interview anyway, because it would be good practice and who knows, maybe they would have wowed me in some way to make me reconsider.

The interview had several warning flags from the onset, specifically the fact that one of the guys on the call, I recognized their name, and I knew our paths had crossed at some point because if nobody’s ever told you, Atlanta isn’t as big of a place as people think it is, which is why it’s particularly important to burn your bridges with peril, because you just never know if you’ll run into people again.  I just couldn’t place it, but I know that I knew this guy from somewhere.  He didn’t seem to indicate that he remembered me, either.

Second, the nature of the company practically bored me to tears.  Something about transaction technology, development of some apps and shit, and honestly, I was already hard leaning towards not wanting this job in the first place, since they had listed for a “UX Graphic Designer,” to which most people aren’t aware, the two things aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, but there’s a far bigger divide between the two than the working world is aware of.

Needless to say, the indication I got from the position is that the company doesn’t know what they want, and mashed two disciplines together, hoping they’d be able to find a singular person to do two jobs.  But it also meant that for a company that doesn’t know what they’re looking for, I could’ve either gotten into the door and coasted to a good salary, or I’d fail to meet expectations that I wasn’t aware of and be in a disadvantageous position.

But it’s the third strike where I completely checked out and definitively knew that I was going to turn this opportunity down: the sample project.  Basically, because “they wanted to get in my head and get a sense of my style,” they wanted me to reimagine and redesign one of their landing pages, “in my style.”  

Basically do some work, for free.  I have no problem with competency tests or assessments, because those are usually pretty quick, and can show a lot of insight.  But to be assigned a multi-day project, for no payment?  No fucking way.

In my mind, upon hearing this, I’m basically saying, bitch, I’ve got two kids and no time as it is, and you want me to do some fucking work for free?  Fuck.  That.

*no joke, I might not have written this post if I didn’t realize it was great opportunity to use this Sonic gif I made eons ago because I actually do like it that much

Continue reading “I had no idea it would be so satisfying” →

I was interview ghosted today

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

As if the job searching process wasn’t frustrating enough, today I had an initial screening with some company, scheduled between 4-6 pm, that completely ghosted the fuck out of me.  I am quite unhappy about it, and I’m not entirely sure what my next steps are at this point.

I mean, a 4-6 pm window was already a small flag to begin with, seeing as how there’s an implication that someone is going to be continuing to work after the traditionally conclusive 5 pm hour, but I always like to remain as flexible as possible, even with babies handcuffed to me, I can get out of those temporarily for a noble cause like job interviewing.

But when I didn’t get a call early on in the 4 pm hour, I snidely remarked to mythical wife that, watch them reach out at like 5:55 pm.  But by the time 5:30-ish rolled around, I began to think that there was the possibility that they weren’t going to call me at all.  Sure enough, the clock hit 6 pm, there was no call, and worse off, there was no email or any sort of message or notification that this wasn’t going to happen.  I had just been ghosted.

The thing is, I had actually emailed the recruiter earlier in the day to see if they could narrow down the window of time, so that I could make sure my children were accounted for, plus the question on whether this was going to be a phone call or a video call, since all correspondence prior had been fairly informally through email.  That message was surreptitiously not responded to, which did slightly tingle my Spidey-sense.

So job ghosting really is nothing new to today’s spineless world, but most peoples’ stories about job ghosting is that the ghosting typically occurs after the interview, in which people’s hopes are high after landing an interview, and then doing the interview, but then never hear jack shit from the potential employer again.  However in my case, the ghosting happened before any sort of verbal communication could even happen.

Who knows, it could just be some recruiter just being bad at their job and genuinely making a mistake and maybe tomorrow I’ll get some apologetic email about how they’re soooo sorry for missing it, and try and schedule some other immediate time, or maybe they really are just a fucking asshole and decided to ghost me, after getting me to commit to a time appointment.  Frankly, I don’t really know how I’m going to react regardless of which of these outcomes is.

Honestly, this isn’t even really a job I’m that genuinely interested in.  I’m pretty sure it’s not remote, the area it’s in is a traffic shitshow, it might be considered a step backward from where I’m at, and the only reason I applied to it in the first place was that Glassdoor said the high-range of the salary was something I’d have been interested in, which means it’s probably nowhere near it, and I felt that I was a shoe-in to get their attention based on my current employer, which actually proved true, since they reached out to me, even if they did ghost me.

That being said, seeing as how I’m below lukewarm about this company in the first place, and don’t think I’m going to lose any sleep by severing this bridge, I kind of want to email or even call and try and get in someone’s e-face, and say my piece about how I don’t appreciate the time commitment I made being wasted by their lack of professionalism.  Or if it was an honest mistake, do I retaliate by ghosting them in return, if they dare to reschedule?

The likelihood of me enacting any sort of ghosting is probably not high, seeing as how I live my life a quarter mile at a time by the general rule of treat those how I’d want to be treated, and even if they ghosted me first, I fucking hated it and wouldn’t want to be ghosted, so I probably won’t be doing any ghosting no matter how much I’d really want to.

But it’s fun to imagine.

2 Under 2: No time like the present (#068)

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

About a month ago, I wanted to write a post about how I was embarking on my paternity time for the second time, on account of the arrival of #2.  How I was looking forward to not having to worry about work for 12 weeks, and all sorts of ideas of ways I could be productive and get shit done with no work looming over me.

Well it’s been about a month since I’ve started my paternity leave, and unsurprisingly I have not accomplished nearly as much as I hoped I would prior to the start of it.

Who would have guessed that juggling two kids would consume so much of my capacity, even without having to worry about work?  Pff certainly not me.  In all fairness, our Disney trip consumed nearly two weeks of my leave, since it encapsulated a Tuesday through a Wednesday, and trying to accomplish anything before or catch up afterward just weren’t going to happen.

But going into my paternity leave, I made goals of accomplishing several tasks:

  • Refinance my home: rates are crazy low and with a second child in tow, refinancing my mortgage to try and bring down my monthly payment and free up some cash sounded like a tremendously good idea
  • Look for a new job: the cat is out of the bag by now, and most everyone knows I’m quite unhappy with my job, and would like to seek out a new one now
  • Explore the possibility of upgrading to a larger car: my car of two years and less than 15,000 miles is already too small for the size of my rapidly grown family, and I would like to capitalize on the potential of the also-hot used car market, and try to trade in my car for maximum value, so that I may upgrade to a larger vehicle
  • Yard work: there are some shrubs I want to get rid of, and some general cleanup I’d like to do around my driveway and walking paths, as well as reclaim some of the wild land in the field adjacent to my home, while the poison ivy is wilting and the snakes are going into hiding

So nothing too lofty, provided there’s a reasonable amount of time to do them, but therein lies the biggest problem – there’s just simply never any fucking time.

Continue reading “2 Under 2: No time like the present (#068)” →