As I wind down my tenure at *Fortune 50 company redacted* I’ve actually been feeling not nearly as sentimental as I thought I might. The constant struggling of parenthood, living in the pandemic world where the exposure has actually succeeded at getting into my home, and the lack of general farewell tour that most long-time associates of my company get have put me in a position to where I’m burning down my candle very quietly and discreetly, while the rest of my team solders forward preparing for another year of likely tumult and aggravation.
It suits me fine though, because as I’m winding down my list of things I’m trying to accomplish before I leave, one of them was to resolve the matter of my company stock that I have. I know very little about stocks, in spite of my general fascination with the culture from movies like Boiler Room and The Wolf of Wall Street, but I figured it would be a good idea to partake in the employee stock purchasing capabilities I was privy to once I was promoted into my managerial position.
Additionally, employees in my position are awarded vesting shares on an annual basis, to which my understanding is kind of like a loaded gun to hold at your head that only pays out once you’ve been with the company for 24-36 months, with the maturation being full at 36, but still eligible for some payout at 24. Seeing as how I’ve been with the company for a few years, I’ve received my cut of vesting shares, and since I’m on my way out, I wanted to see just how much I’d be able to cash out, and just how much I’ll be forfeiting.
Of course, this wouldn’t be a brog post if it wasn’t some tragic failure or example of irony, and there’s little better subject of a post than things fucking up in my life, and this is a prime example of it, and feeds to the general frustration and disenchantment and serves as a reminder at just why I’m leaving this job.
Long story short, I have seven shares, that’s basically real money available to me if and when I sell. However, none of it is the vested shares that I’ve earned over the last three years, because not a single one of them have hit even the 24-month maturation point, which means I will be forfeiting all vested shares once I cease working for the company later this week.
The seven share that I have are all shares that I’ve chipped away and bought over the last few years through my own participation in employee stock purchasing. As far as the vested shares go, I have over 25 shares, where some of them mature in as early as March of this year, but the newest ones won’t have value until 2025.
So basically, any and all shares that I earned through my tenure and in lieu of actual fucking raises on a yearly basis, are basically worthless and I am going to be losing all of them in a few days.
I wish I didn’t find out about this, but at the same time, if I didn’t inquire, then I wouldn’t know about this little chunk of change that I will definitely be cashing out on. But I am otherwise walking away from nearly six times that much in unvested stocks, and if I were to have held out until March, I would likely have been able to cash out on nearly $5,000-6,000, when combined with the semi-annual profit sharing bonuses.
First world problems, yes I know. But childcare is fucking expensive, and that money really would’ve been welcome to help cushion my needs, and not to buy 23 more blets.
The thing is, my old boss told me two years ago, that in lieu of giving me even a customary 2.5% cost of living merit increase, I was given like 1.6% and “granted” stock, without me realizing that such was a given regardless of what my C of a boss “granted” to me. Sure, the sum of eight shares would have eclipsed a 2.5% raise, but the 2.5% raise would have impacted me immediately, and I wouldn’t be in a position to where I’m not even going to even sniff the dividends on those fucking worthless stocks.
I could hem and haw and lament about how I should’ve stayed until March so that I could’ve made a nice little chunk of change before leaving, but that would’ve meant that I would’ve had to have stayed at a job I was already completely over for, for three more months. I’m getting all my angst out here in this post, and coming to peace with my decisions and the money that I’ve left on the table, and taking solace in the fact that I’m going to be making over 20% more at my new job than this one, and that won’t require 24-36 months to reap the benefits for.
