Tag: wrestling

Why do the AEW Team Blets have an atomic dick grab driver of doom on it?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Of all of AEW’s championship blets, my favorite has always been their tag team championship.  It’s not overly large and gaudy like their World championship, nor is it as ridiculous as a blet named after a television network that their flagship program has already been booted from, or as un-credible as their not-Intercontinental championship that’s already been renamed into the International championship.

The design is tasteful, the plate sizes aren’t humorously large, and I once said that if I could have any replica blet from AEW, it would be a tag team one.

I saw that FTR, after winning the tag team championship for the second time in AEW, decided to dedicate the reign to Jay Briscoe, who had passed away tragically in a car accident just a few months ago.  The name plates on each of the blet has Jay Briscoe’s name instead of Dax Harwood or Cash Wheeler.  The gesture is nice, and it’s kind of like a low-key middle finger to Turner broadcasting, as they absolutely abhorred the existence of Jay Briscoe due to a singular incident where he made some homophobic tweets eons ago but they didn’t want to let it go.

However it was in this post did I actually get good look at the details of the AEW tag team blets, and I noticed that the side plates have artwork of a guy doing a piledriver to another guy.  Not only is he doing a piledriver to an opponent, he’s reaching up and grabbing his junk in the process.

Now obviously, hardcore wrestling fans know this to be what’s known as a Gotch-style piledriver, with in fact the image linked here appears to be the exact inspiration for the side plate’s artwork, but it doesn’t change the fact that in side plate form, it still looks like Minoru Suzuki is grabbing a guy’s gear while pile driving him.

Immediately, my mind goes to accuse the Young Bucks, namely most likely Nick Jackson, who seems to be the brains and the voice of the duo, whom are all about sophomoric humor, and generally mocking the business that they often clash with older heads that accuse them of killing it with their general conduct and in-character behavior.

Like, I feel like I could totally see them participating in the creation of the design of the blets that they want to make so important and valuable, because they’re a tag team and AEW is all about featuring and pushing tag team wrestling, but because they have to also mock and ridicule all the tradition and pomp and circumstance of the business, they think putting artwork of a guy grabbing another guy’s dong is the funniest thing in the world, and if anyone ever tries to accuse them of such, they can just say it’s a Gotch piledriver.

Because it doesn’t really make sense to have a piledriver on a tag team blet; why not have like two guys doing something instead?  I guess they didn’t want to have silhouettes of superkicks, because then it would be too obvious or a flex.  So I guess they’re content to just have a random outline of Minoru Suzuki grabbing some dude’s balls, doing the Japanese Atomic Dong Twisting Driver of Doom instead.  Hashtag AEW.

Bron Breakker looks like a Costco rotisserie chicken

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Was watching a summary of the most recent episode of NXT, and when they got to the segment where a freshly heel-turned Bron Breakker got in the ring to get up in the business of Chase U, all I could think of was just how fucking orange Baby Steiner was.

Like, we’re talking even more orange than the former president guy, so orange that he looks like he belongs on Jersey Shore.  My knee jerk reaction was that he looked like a Costco rotisserie chicken, but one that was left in the oven four minutes past the timer, and whomever was in charge of the cooker at the time went on break to let it simmer in residual heat even longer.

There can’t be any way he thinks he looks good like this.  Sure, he still has the body and musculature of an Adonis, and there’s no denying the in-ring talent and he’s only going to get better with experience.  But the fact that he still looks like overcooked poultry certainly can’t help his career where appearances aren’t everything, but they still do hold a tremendous amount of weight.

And considering the tremendous heat on his family’s name with his dad going full bigot at a wrestling convention during Wrestlemania weekend, Steiner Jr. should be avoiding all possible sources of negative perception, including the ridicule and embarrassing things, like being the exact same color as a Costco rotisserie chicken.

Seriously, zero color correction went into these images.  I screen capped NXT, and shopped in an unedited photograph of a Costco chicken on top of it.  133 and 1/3% color match.

Wrestlemania: suck it, Cody

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I was chatting with some of my bros over the two-night extravaganza, and I explained that no matter how much my level of involvement to professional wrestling ebbs and flows and wavers throughout the passage of time, there’s always a conceited effort to watch Wrestlemania.  It always comes back during Wrestlemania, and Mania and the Royal Rumble are the two shows a year that I feel very strongly about watching live.

This year’s Wrestlemania had a pretty stacked card on paper, and I felt that the WWE had done a pretty decent job of building up a respectable card from top to bottom, and wasn’t going to be anchored solely by Roman Reigns and then everyone else.  The Rey and Dominic Mysterio feud caught fire real late, and went from a cliché match to one that had some heat behind it, and as much as I hated the relegation of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens because of the existence of Cody Rhodes, there was still a large amount of interest with their match against the Usos, because the Usos can have great matches against anyone, much less the level of talents that are Sami and Owens.

On paper, I was actually looking forward to night 1 more than the second night, because I thought that the card was better quality than then night 2’s card.  But after both shows, I actually thought night 2 was the stronger show, and it really wasn’t even close.

I thought almost all of the matches on night 1 were underperformed by all those involved, which was a little head-scratching considering the level of talent that was on the card.  John Cena had a pretty uninspired match with Austin Theory, and was disappointing, Rey and Dominic had too many people get involved with their match which watered things down, Charlotte and Rhea had an uncharacteristically below-par match, and despite it being the best match of the night, I genuinely felt that the Sami/KO vs. Usos match could’ve been better.  They were the best by default, because most of the matches prior weren’t as good as they could’ve been.

Night 2 was heavily weighted by the Intercontinental championship match, with Gunther continuing his torrid 2023 defeating both Drew McIntyre and Sheamus in a brutal shit-kicking smack-fest everyone knew it was going to be, and despite my tendency to think that the main event matches are typically predictable and academic, the Roman Reigns and Cody Rhodes match served up the drama of genuinely not knowing who was going to win, which made it that much more exciting as it played out.

But speaking of Cody Rhodes, one of the things holding back the anticipation of the show was the almost seemingly inevitably that he was going to be the guy that was going to dethrone Roman Reigns, which as a fan irked the shit out of me, because of all the speculation that he has a world title reign baked into his contract, which is what was a big draw in being able to bring him back from AEW.

So seeing him take the L was kind of surprising to me, because I thought for sure it was going to be the night where the Roman Empire came to an end.  Not just because of Cody’s ludicrous contractual obligation to be WWE champion at some point, but Roman had been carrying the company for over 900 days at that point, and Joe Anoa’I probably was due for a long-needed vacation.

No matter though, because unlike a lot of wrestling fans out there, I was over the moon that Roman retained and the greatest championship run since Bruno Sammartino continues on.  I think I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m just not a fan of Cody Rhodes, and I’m quite pleased to see him finally lose a match since he returned to the WWE.

Continue reading “Wrestlemania: suck it, Cody” →

If Alexa Bliss were to leave, would it really matter?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Let me start off with that I am a fan of Alexa Bliss.  From the first time I saw her in NXT and her ascent to the main roster, I was like whoa, at this spunky little spitfire who was totally my aesthetic.  But aside from the physical appeal, I admired that she could actually go fairly well in the ring, and sell like a million bucks for everyone she worked with.  Additionally, she knew and understood how to work an audience, and she was absolutely unflappable in front of a hot crowd, which says a lot more these days considering how fickle and persnickety wrestling fans have become these days.

But in light of recent rumblings about how Alexa has seemingly lost favor with the WWE, and how it seems like there’s some sourness permeating into the relationship, culminating with the idea of her eventually departing, again I ask, would it really matter?  Would it have much of an impact on the WWE?

I don’t post this query if I didn’t feel that it probably doesn’t, but the reality is that much like all superstars past and present, one man or woman makes the company not, and in the grand spectrum of things, the loss of Alexa Bliss would barely be a blip on the radar.  Whether she’s off now due to injury, or just Creative having nothing for her, fans have mostly been used to her not being present over the last year and change, due to the fact that she was out getting married, and the world continues to turn.

If it is sour grapes in the basket right now, she couldn’t have a worse time to be vaguebooking on the internet, because since her return last year, she really hasn’t done much, which isn’t always entirely the fault of the performer, but when it comes to leverage within the company, it doesn’t help to not be seen as a major player.

Her last major program, that of being the brainwashed sidekick to Bray Wyatt, didn’t do her any favors as it almost entirely removed her from in-ring work, and into this carny, monotonous supernatural storyline that most adult viewers don’t give two shits about, and in the game of trying to figure out what wrestler will attempt to make the jump to Hollywood next, seemed like a convenient situation for Alexa to show some acting chops while not really being a wrestler anymore.

As much as I enjoyed Alexa over the years, the reality is that her in-ring work hasn’t evolved or changed over time, and it’s easy to say that it’s because she’s petite and has a ceiling of believability when it comes to being able to hang in the ring with the likes of Ronda Rousey, Rhea Ripley or Shayna Baszler, women who look like they could beat up most of the NXT roster male or female, at the drop of a hat.  She hasn’t been around as long as she has without development, but what I’m getting to is the perception that as much as Creative might be bailing on Alexa Bliss, I think Alexa Bliss has been bailing on the WWE as well.

And although character work is extremely important to survive in the business, everyone still has to be able to perform in the ring at some point.  And Alexa’s in-ring talent has stagnated, while all around her, women have been arriving, developing and evolving all around her, reducing the need for her at all. 

I once joked that Liv Morgan was like an Alexa Bliss-lite as far as being the spunky hot blonde, but the reality is that she has been working her ass off over the last few years, the fans have recognized it, and if the WWE felt that there was only room for one spunky hot blonde, Alexa would be dead in the water right now.  And maybe she already is and it only needs to be made official.

As far as the five-feet of fury moniker that Alexa used to utilize, Roxy Perez in NXT has taken that over too, as the diminutive performer is low-key channeling some AJ Lee vibes simultaneously with her ring gear, but also was trained by Booker T and has a vastly superior arsenal in comparison.

The bottom line is that Alexa Bliss really isn’t needed in the current WWE stratosphere anymore, and if there’s any beef brewing between them, I hope Alexa is prepared to accept the fact that her past accolades and reputation probably won’t give her as much ammunition to be seen as worth keeping as she might think.  I’d miss the eye candy, but in the grand spectrum of things, it probably wouldn’t be for too long.

It’s all going to be Cody’s fault

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In professional sports, occasionally there are scenarios where a first-place team somehow manages to pull off a trade or pick up a free agent of a very talented player.  In most of these cases, the overarching management of these teams hardly ever take into consideration stuff like team chemistry, because most organizations believe in acquiring talent when it’s available, and let the chips fall where they may afterward.

Typically, it’s kind of a jump ball of happens afterward; sometimes the new player adds value immediately, and a good team becomes even better, but in some cases, the new player disrupts the team chemistry that made the team a first-place team, and then there is some stumbling and new struggles, as the squad tries to adjust to find its new groove.  Sometimes, they get their shit together and make magic happen, but at least in my personal viewing experiences, they still fall short.

This is what I’m feeling is kind of happening with the WWE and the fact that they’ve handcuffed themselves to the acquisition of Cody Rhodes.

For about a year, if there was anything at all that was going not just smoothly, but on a legendary pace, it was definitely the Bloodline storyline.  Roman Reigns was clearly ascending to the top of the mountain that he was always expected to reach, and he was firing on all cylinders; in the ring, cutting promos, and elevating everyone that entered his gravity.  Roman and the Bloodline were proving the power of a well-planned, executed storyline that was more importantly given all the time in the world to breathe and organically proceed.

But then Cody Rhodes’ contract with AEW expired, and suddenly the internet rumor mill basically exploded as it became apparent that he was not only not going to re-sign with the company he helped found, he was on his way back to the WWE; he was basically the surprisingly available talent that the WWE picked up solely because they could, but not necessarily because they needed him.

And much like how it happens in professional sport, every organization in the country always falls for the sunk cost fallacy, and because they paid a mint for new acquisition, they become determined to use them in a capacity relative to their salary, and not necessarily their talent or ability to fit into the puzzle.

Because Cody Rhodes cost the WWE a significant amount, he was immediately thrust into the upper echelon of the card, (re)debuting at Wrestlemania and fast tracked to a path to the World championship; regardless of the fact that there were all sorts of internal talents that were getting shafted by his return.  If not for the fact that he tore his pectoral and had to be put on the bench for almost an entire year, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to make this post because he probably would have already entangled with Roman Reigns at Summer Slam or Survivor Series and possibly have ended his legendary run and taken a championship off him.

And while he was down with injury, the Bloodline resumed their masterful storytelling, and amidst this, became planted the seed of Sami Zayn that grew into the phenomenon that’s captured the attention of wrestling fans all over with how it has played out so far.  Seriously, I didn’t think much of the whole idea of Sami Zayn wanting to be a part of the Bloodline, but it’s literally been the best storyline since the rise of Daniel Bryan or Kofi-Mania, and in fact better than those in terms of storytelling and how many people have risen their stock from just being a part of it.

But then Cody Rhodes had to go on and recover, and when it was announced that he was coming back at the Royal Rumble, it was basically a forgone conclusion that he was going to win the whole fucking thing, and obviously be fast tracked to Wrestlemania where he would fulfill his destiny (or his rumored contractual obligation to get a World championship run) and finally face Roman Reigns.

This is where I have this feeling like Cody Rhodes is going to ruin a beautiful storyline that’s been in the making over the last three years, solely because the WWE is insisting on utilizing him as World championship material based on the size of the contract he was given.

I’m not saying that Cody Rhodes won’t and can’t have a good match with Roman Reigns and possibly put up an instant classic, but it’s going to feel more forced than it is going to feel organic.  Which is a shame, because the beauty of the Bloodline saga has always been just how organic everything has felt because everything has been given time to sow seeds let things grow naturally over the last three years.

I feel like the smart play would be to have Cody lose to Roman Reigns, so that he could kind of start over and organically rise to his contention to the World championship(s), but if I’m a betting man, I don’t think that’s going to happen.  In reality, Roman and the Usos probably need some time off after carrying the company for the last three years, and even if the fans might not be sick of the Bloodline, the guys comprising of the Bloodline might be sick of the workload they’ve had and probably wouldn’t mind a little time off television to recharge.

All the same, I like to imagine a world where a lot of the WWE guys have a group text or something, where they bitch and complain about how Cody Rhodes’ return is fucking things up.  Obviously, such is likely not the case as Rhodes is often regarded as being well respected and liked by everyone in the business, but it doesn’t change the fact that his return to the WWE is causing some hierarchical restructuring to where someone is getting pushed down a rung.

It’s just kind of sad to me, because the Bloodline has easily been the best thing in professional wrestling in a long time, but Cody Rhodes of all people is the one who’s kind of fucking things up, solely because he had to become available and baited the WWE into picking him up and clearly had a lot of demands in the process.

If he were really as selfless as he likes to claim he is, he’d have let all existing storylines play themselves out and basically kind of stand aside and call next, and by next Wrestlemania in 2024, be ready to ascend to the top of the mountain then, and maybe all the fans will be on board the story he is destined to complete.

Mercedes Mone and the inevitable journey back to Sasha Banks

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

When the news broke that Sasha Banks and Naomi stormed out of the WWE, I thought it was all a work (read: wrestling speak for scripted).  Usually if it’s ever mentioned on the air, it is done so deliberately, but in the ever-shifting and moving machine that is the professional wrestling industry, it turned out to be something a little more real, regardless of the fact that they had acknowledged it on the air.

Long story short, the two of them walked out citing poor opportunities and just generally disagreeing with how Creative was going to be using them for the foreseeable future.  And although it was never confirmed, and probably will never be admitted, the whole thing really sounds more like it echoes the beliefs of Sasha Banks than it does Naomi. 

Naomi had been around long enough to have eaten her fair share of shit sandwiches and understand that everyone in history is going to have to deal with them on the menu from time to time, but Sasha on the other hand had already walked out once, on her own, stating a convoluted burnout excuse before, so it didn’t seem far-fetched for someone like me to think that it was happening again, but with an accomplice.

As time passed and news and the rumor mill churned, the general sentiment was that Sasha left because she didn’t think the company was taking the women’s division seriously, regardless of the evolutions and revolutions they’ve spouted throughout the last decade.  Frankly, I thought she was just salty over not being in a world title storyline, because it very much seemed like with her, she’s either in a world title picture, or she’s walked out; she hasn’t been around long enough for her history to show too contrary to this logic.

Eventually, when old man Vince stepped down and Triple H basically took over operations, there was a lot of speculation that Sasha would be back, because Trips didn’t waste much time undoing a lot of the bad for business choices that Vince had made over the last year.  But then there still was no Sasha, or Naomi for that matter. 

Eventually, news broke that Mercedes Varnado was going to be appearing at New Japan’s Wrestle Kingdom 17; confirming that there really was a separation between Sasha and the WWE.  Further news revealed that during attempts to renegotiate a return, Sasha wanted Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch money, and the WWE was unwilling to acquiesce, and therefore Mercedes decided to take her talents elsewhere.

Here’s the thing though about the wrestling industry, especially in the WWE: this is a narrative that is hardly unique to Sasha Banks, and I think too many people are getting clouded by gender and the manner in which she ceased to be on television.  Respect and treatment of women’s wrestling aside, when it came time to come back, it fell through, due to money.  The WWE felt that Sasha Banks wasn’t worth the money she was asking for, so Sasha Banks formally left the company, and took her trade somewhere else.

Continue reading “Mercedes Mone and the inevitable journey back to Sasha Banks” →

Wrestle Kingdom 17 and the greatest dunk in history

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Despite my criticism of the ugliest blet in the industry and my oft-criticisms of Kenny Omega, I still thought that the card for NJPW’s Wrestle Kingdom 17 looked completely stacked, and if not for the whole eastern hemisphere timezone thing, I most definitely would have loved to have seen the show live.  I’m still interested in watching it after the fact, but only time will tell on if I can even find out how to watch it, much less actually have the available time in order to.

So like most wrestling on the other side of the world, I’m left with written results and YouTube clips to piece together how things went.  For the most part, as stacked as the show was, professional wrestling is still professional wrestling, and for the names and narratives that I was aware of going into the event, few things were really any surprises as far as the results went.

All jokes aside, Zack Sabre, Jr. winning the ugliest blet in the industry NJPW Television Championship seemed like a layup of a prediction, as did Kairi retaining the IWPG Women’s Championship.  FTR is clearly wrapping up the blet collector gimmick and were obviously dropping the IWGP Tag Team championships, presumably so that Cash Wheeler can actually heal up from whatever has been hampering him over the last six months.  And it was very obvious that Karl Anderson was going to drop the NEVER championship to Tama Tonga, considering he’s a contracted WWE talent, clearly loaned to the event solely to exchange the strap.

Kazuchika Okada winning the IWGP World Championship was also fairly predictable in my opinion, because NJPW’s formula seems to be, when in doubt, Okada, because he’s basically their Hulk Hogan, and will always draw no matter what, regardless of the fact that I think they could’ve gotten some more mileage out of Jay White being the guy.

The only real surprises of the night were, when Sasha Banks was going to show up, and the fact that Kenny Omega defeated Will Ospreay for the IWGP US Championship.  Obviously, Sasha, now going under Mercedes Mone showed up in the aftermath of Kairi’s match, because why wouldn’t she be immediately thrust into the World title picture?  But I’ve got lots of thoughts and words about Sasha Mercedes that I’ll get to in a separate post, but the rest of this one is basically going to be about Ospreay and Omega.

Firstly, I didn’t think there was chance that Omega was going to go over Ospreay, considering the fact that Omega is contractually obligated to another company, regardless of the positive working relationship between AEW and NJPW.  For the second time now, the IWGP US championship will be taken back to the United States, where it will get more screen time on another promotion’s television time than its own, and it may as well be rechristened the AEW US championship [which they can maybe exchange for the IWGP All-Atlantic Championship which gets equally no domestic television screen timeWill Ospreay is also one of NJPW’s top guys, but he’s still not necessarily a household name to the global audience, and a rub from Kenny Omega would definitely have helped him out tremendously.  Now the loss could very well be a promotion disguised as a demotion, and Ospreay could be positioned for a World title storyline, but considering the post-match press conference, it looks more like a potential character reset is impending, seeing as how he’s now lost the IWGP US and the RevPro championship over the span of the last four months.

But speaking of the post-match press conference, what happened during it is what spawned this entire post coming to fruition.  And as much as I’ve blathered tons of words questioning Kenny Omega the performer, I will have to give credit to him for delivering possibly the greatest verbal dunking on an adversary in the history of the business:

Don Callis: Will Ospreay, you wanted to be Michael Jordan, you wanted to be the man, you wanted to be the GOAT.

Kenny Omega (mumbling): you’ll have to settle for being scottie pippen

DC: Tonight, you’re Scottie Pippen.  That’s what you are, right now.

I legitimately had one of those OHHHHHHHHH moments when I heard that line.  Followed by raucous laughter, and replaying the quip about 15 times.  And then another 15 times with the volume cranked up so that I could actually make out Kenny Omega’s precise words so that I could meme-ify caption the above image to immortalize it and hope it shows up in Google images when people search for “Ospreay Omega Wrestle Kingdom.”

I just don’t think anyone other than me understands just how insulting it is to be called Scottie Pippen.  It’s not just being called a metaphor for being a #2 guy.  A silver medalist.  B+ performer.  It’s not entirely accurate to compare it to being called a Robin to Batman or a Luigi to Mario.  Those are guys that are content and know their role as being sidekicks, second-in-commands.

Scottie Pippen is a guy who believed in his heart that he was on the same level as Michael Jordan.  He thought he didn’t need MJ to win a championship, and on multiple instances, had his chance, and failed.  He’s the living totem of being supremely talented, but not THE man, not QB1, not the first pick in the draft.  He’s just Scottie Pippen, the guy that’s not the best, not the GOAT, and the guy that falls short when it really matters the most.

I’ve said a lot of things about how I don’t think Kenny Omega isn’t as complete of a package as he and the rest of the internet might think.  I think his in-ring work is amazing, but still has some struggles connecting to American audiences.   I think his mic work is average at best, and there’s a reason why he is paired with Don Callis, so he can do the heavy lifting in promos for him.  I still don’t think his heart will ever truly be with AEW in spite of being one of the foundation blocks of the company.

But as far as delivering an atom bomb of a strike in a promo goes, short of the instances where people have crossed lines in digging into the personal, real-lives of their opponents, I don’t think anyone has ever dropped such a devastating, legendary dunking-on, than Kenny Omega did to Will Ospreay at Wrestle Kingdom 17.  I’m hard pressed to believe anyone ever will surpass it, unless they make a better, harder comparison to Scottie Pippen.