Tag: bathroom

Check it out, the lamer version of me

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Inevitably when the new year begins, all gyms generally experience an influx of new goers, no matter how small a gym is, like my small but serviceable work gym.  There’s this one guy that I’ve noticed being new to the gym in my building, primarily because he’s Asian, and there are maybe like 3-4 of us in this entire building that I’ve bothered to know exist.  He’s probably around my age, give or take five years, and it seems like that he must have been casually active prior to coming to my gym, since it’s not like he’s a fat blob or anything.

But what has caused this guy to become the subject of a brog post is typically what lots of things elicit from my head do that ultimately end up as brog post fodder: questionable annoyance.

Basically by virtue of being Asian, going to the same gym I do, doing a few exercises that I do, having a similarly intended hairstyle as I do, and even wearing Jordans to the office, I’ve decided that this guy is basically a lamer version of me, ripe for criticism and immortalization in my brog that nobody reads.

Hear me out though, he’s not a lamer version of me just because he’s not actually me, it’s just that he falls overwhelmingly short in the world of standards that he isn’t aware of that I’ve set for him, making him, the lamer version.

For starters, the guy seems to barely works out for more than a half hour whenever I’ve seen him.  He does one set of a variety of things, and if there’s one thing that’s been engrained into me from exercise is that sets and repetition is where growth is, and the fact that lame me is doing one set of a few things, and then wraps it up, to me, seems like a tremendous waste of time and effort.  Like today, he did some dumbbell curls, walked on the treadmill for like five minutes, did some assisted pullups, and used the rower machine which is always a surprise because I was convinced for the longest time nobody but me used it in my building, which adds to his list of commonalities with me.

But when I hit the lockers after wrapping up my workout, he came in to start dressing out, which perplexed me considering how deep into my workout I was in when he even showed up in the first place.  Lame me couldn’t have spent more than like 20-25 minutes out on the floor, to which has me thinking, why even bother coming to the gym for such a short and inadequate workout?  Could it even be called a workout?

Additionally, lame me didn’t even shower.  I get that he had what could barely be construed as a workout, but he still went through some physical activity, and I know myself, it takes next to nothing in order for me to get a sweat broken, especially if I’m mentally prepared to workout.  And if I sweat, I want to shower, and the shower is almost as important and critical to the whole ritual of hitting the gym, to the point where if showering is not available, then the workout as a whole, can be in question on if it will even happen.

But lame me goes straight to the locker, and starts pulling out his clothes and gets right back into his office slave garb, content to be potentially sweaty and potentially stinky from exercise.

And this is where I notice his choice of sneakers, which are a two-tone navy and white Air Jordan 1’s, the best shoes there are.  Now I typically save my J’s for special occasions, but I do rock my Pandas as my daily shoes, to which Dunks are basically J1 clones, so lame me also shares a similar aesthetic when it comes to sneakers, annoyingly adding to the correlations that make him, a lamer version of me.

So to summarize, man is Asian, goes to my gym, does a few similar exercises that I do, tries to wear his hair similarly to how I do, seems to like the same shoes that I do; but works out significantly less than me, doesn’t shower, and based on his conversations in the locker room with company that I wouldn’t keep, seems to kind of be an Uncle Tong right-leaning Republican.

In conclusion, a lamer version of myself.  And to anyone who understands the gif above, I wouldn’t really lose any sleep if a similar fate happened to my lamer version as what happens to Harold and Kumar’s.

Things White People Like: Not showering after working out

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In all my years that I’ve been going to gyms, this is something that I can’t say that I’ve really paid attention to until more recently.  Maybe it’s because my current gym is very small and has a very small sample size to analyze, but it’s through this observational process do patterns begin to emerge, and lead to me being able to spout off bullshit brog posts like this one.

But as the title of this post reads, I have observed a disturbing trend that has occurred enough for me to widely brush stroke the statement that white people don’t shower after working out.

Once or twice, sure, maybe we’re short on time, maybe something has come up.  A meeting you’re cutting too close to, or the workout had been underestimated and time is no longer on our side.  But I’m witnessing the same people with regularity, who work out, and vanish into the locker room only to emerge just minutes later, with not nearly enough time to make believable that any sort of bathing had occurred.

Look, I’m not a complete psycho who’s following every white guy into the locker room after their workout, but I know from my own experience with expedient showers, that even when trying to be quick and timely as possible, I still need like 10-15 minutes in the locker room to shower, dress, groom before I’m ready to go back to the office.

These Ben Afflecks are in and out of the locker room in under 5-7 minutes in most cases, and the laws of physics are saying that these motherfuckers ain’t showering, full stop.

And it’s always white guys.  Much like myself, all the black men who also work out at my gym, they always shower after working out.  It doesn’t matter if they’re doing weights, or spending any amount of time on a cardio machine, if they exercise, they’re showering.  It’s only the white guys where it’s more of a surprise to see one actually taking time to bathe and clean themselves after a workout than not.

The thing is too, a lot of these guys I’m witnessing on a regular basis who don’t shower, it’s not like they’re doing some wimpy pussy workouts where they don’t build up a sweat or put themselves into situations where they should probably consider cleaning themselves up for the courtesy of the people they’ll spend the next half of the working day in close proximity to.  Lots of these guys are doing cardio and building up a considerable amount of sweat and perspiration, the chief ingredient when it comes to generating BO.

And then they finish their workouts, get back into their white guy uniforms and hop on the elevator to get straight back to the office.  This kind of lack of regard for the olfactory comfort of others is equal parts selfish, arrogant, disgusting and just plain dickish.

My brain can’t wrap itself around the idea of not showering after a workout.  The shower is practically the best part of the workout, the reward for taxing the body and now we can cleanse ourselves of all the sweat and strain of exercise.  I love the feeling of being clean, and especially in the workplace where feelings of positivity and physical pleasure are often being worked against, why would I deny myself something that I could realistically indulge in?

White people, man.  I just don’t understand these motherfuckers sometimes.  For as much as they think they own the entire planet, they sure conduct themselves in some truly mind-boggling, third-world manners.  I feel very fortunate that of all the white guys that I’ve seen not showering after sweaty workouts, that I don’t have to conduct any business with them; I just know that if I saw them in the actual office, I would just know that they probably reeked of varying degrees of BO, and I wouldn’t be able to hide the displeasure on my face, and nobody wins when unpleasant interactions occur.

Re: the literal selling out of Wrestlemania

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Normally, I’d wait until both nights of Wrestlemania had passed before passing on any sort of judgment, but this is fresh on my mind, and I’ve got this small window of time to write where it’s not enough to take a nap or do anything other than knock out a quick brog post.

The title of this post is not indicative to what I thought the quality of the show, at least Night 1 was for Wrestlemania, but it’s to refer to the fact that this show, and probably going forward future shows, had more sponsorships than a NASCAR race.  Prime energy drink, Snickers, Dude Wipes, Credit One, some Insurance company, and some super creepy right-wing sounding vodka company that I’ll circle back to later, but it was evident that every match had a sponsor, commercials were being aired in between every match for non-premium Peacock subscribers.

Very literally, Wrestlemania sold the fuck out.  They’re probably making millions of dollars in doing so, and I don’t judge that, but for a company that used to have zero in-ring sponsorship and usually relying on a singular chief sponsor per show, it is a stark contrast of the yesteryears, the generations of wrestling fans are hell-bent on creating a rift from then and now.

Prime had the top turnbuckle, and their logo emblazoned in the center of the ring, and it made Cody Rhodes look like he was kissing the Prime logo during his entrance.  Dude Wipes appeared to sponsor more matches than anyone else, and there’s something to be said the demographic when company that manufactures basically baby wipes for grown men has such sponsorship flex during a professional wrestling event, especially the magnitude of Wrestlemania.

My brother was the one who pointed it out, but he brought up the query on if it was fucked up or not, that the match that had a team of three black women, was the only match of the night to have been sponsored by WingStop.  I didn’t notice it at first, but once it was pointed out to me, I couldn’t not see the giant-ass WingStop logo lighting up the LED apron board and on the ring barrier throughout the match, and it definitely falls into the category of that’s fucked up.

Like seriously, surely there are marketing people at the E, and at some point, they’re milling among themselves, or coordinating with their sponsors, namely the WingStop people, and somewhere at some point, while divvying up the on-screen advertising, made the conscious decision that the match featuring Naomi, Bianca Belair and Jade Cargill, was the appropriate time to advertise WingStop.  Not that I was trying to be an eagle eye, but I don’t recall seeing them advertise again after that match.

I haven’t paid that much attention to the card for Night 2, but I do know that there is a match featuring Bobby Lashley and the Street Profits, and I have this sneaking suspicion that WingStop might be the chief sponsor for that match too now.

Everyone else can get Dude Wipes for the colossal amounts of shit that much be swirling around the city of Philadelphia’s sewer systems from 150,000 neckbeard wrestling fans converging in a single location.  Too bad most of them will believe their claim that they’re flushable, because there’s no such thing as a flushable wipe, and the streets of Philly are destined to be overflown by sewage at some point sooner rather than later.  But I guess such wouldn’t really be that far off from daily life up there.

Wendy’s surging real hard to alienate customers

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Scorched earth: starting in 2025, Wendy’s to explore surge pricing, where food costs dynamically change based on varying conditions; time, weather, demand

The knee-jerk reactions of the collective internet are probably exactly what anyone with a sensible brain would expect; full of bile, resentment, disdain, and a whole lot of declarations of never going to Wendy’s again, among other hard statements most feel comfortable spouting off on the internet without.  And absolutely nothing positive or with any hint of praise because nobody is in the 1% of greedy fucks who make these kinds of choices.

And who can really blame anyone for being disappointed and furious over this kind of announcement?  Fast food exists because it’s supposed to be cheap, predictable, reliable to exist, and not something where anyone rolling up to a Wendy’s has to think about not knowing what prices they’re going to see on the menu.

It goes without saying that this is a 100% cash grab, because everyone knows consumers aren’t going to be seeing “the low end” of the pricing model beyond perhaps those weird 30-minute windows in between breakfast and lunch time and lunch time and dinner, and that’s only if the weather conditions aren’t remotely hazardous.  Store personnel probably won’t be seeing any sort of monetary benefit to financial fluctuation, and in fact when some locations actually start losing business due to this reckless idea, their jobs will be where the difference in earnings will be made up from.

Unsurprisingly, most everyone knows it, and those who do, all hate it.  It’s flagrant greed and complete disregard for consumers, whose stress levels are already ratcheted up to the moon due to the completely imbalanced escalations of inflation versus wages.

Now I like Wendy’s food, there’s a reason why they’re one of the few burger joints that still manages to thrive, at least in the Atlanta area.  Burger Kings a few and far between locations, McDonalds is widely regarded as somehow unhealthier than Wendy’s, and there just aren’t enough Dairy Queens to compete against Wendy’s it seems.  Five Guys are already branded being egregiously priced, but at least they don’t (yet) flex their prices based on time and weather conditions.

But the thing is, I go to Wendy’s as frequently as I go to McDonald’s, which is to say practically never.  At least where I am, all the Wendy’s are completely staffed with the dregs of the dregs of society, and they’re completely unreliable, drive-thru lines wrapped around the building, that is if they didn’t decide to close up shop at 8:30 pm when they’re supposed to be Open Late.™  And the last few times I’ve actually eaten their food, as tasty as it is, my body definitely regretted it when I’m waking up at 2-3 am because my digestive system is revolting.

So I’m not concerned with my conviction at being able to further avoid Wendy’s if and when this bullshit surging comes to my area, because I don’t like late night toilet runs that aren’t on my own terms, but I still understand all the salt and all the rage and all the resentment towards the company all the same upon this news coming to light.

Aside from the obvious cash grab that this is, it’s also an obvious phishing expedition; Wendy’s looking for markets where they can hike up costs, based on the markets whose numbers don’t seem to be affected in customer order numbers regardless of price surging.  So probably big cities full of people with deep pockets, where people already spend like they’re out of touch with the classes in a position lower than their own, will inevitably have their general costs raised permanently, because make no mistake, surge pricing will inevitably come to an end, once Wendy’s realizes the maximum price points every region could sustain while not losing too many customers.

So as much as I’d love to see this become the beginning of the end for the company as a whole, and we’ll see some Wendy’s burn to the ground as if there were a Black Lives Matter demonstration going tits up outside them, it’s unfortunately going to end up with a shitty fast food company getting all the information they need in order to jack up their costs and ultimately make even moar money, while the Americans that have no choice but to sustain themselves on fast food, suffer even more.

Clearly I am the weirdo, for valuing hygiene

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

When it comes to gym going habits, I always factor in the time I need to get dressed, take care of any bathroom needs, changing back, but most importantly, showering.  If at any point, it doesn’t seem like there’s enough time to get a shower in, I just won’t go to the gym; period, full-stop. 

I will alter my workouts and drop down from three sets of everything to two sets of everything.  And/or I will drop weight in order to ensure I’m not getting gassing and taking excessively long breaks in between lifts, all in order to make sure that I have adequate time to get my shower in, because like I just stated, if I can’t shower, then there is no workout.

Over the span of the last year, I’ve often witnessed men, and well women, who come to my little office gym to workout, and after they finish, they’re dressed back in their slave office attire and leaving within the next five minutes.  Obviously, they did not shower, which always has me scrunching up my face in varying amounts of disgust based on how sweaty and gross I think they probably are, depending on the seriousness of their workouts, which in most cases I can usually observe and evaluate while I’m doing my thing.

And I always think it’s weird and gross that people are doing this, because even if I were to hop into the gym, walk five minutes on the treadmill, do some bicep curls or some push-ups or some lat pulls, I know that I’ll have warmed up my general core to at the very least, feeling a little bit sticky and un-fresh.  I know I’d want a shower from just that amount of activity, so I couldn’t fathom doing an actual workout where my chest has started sweating because that’s the part of me that apparently starts sweating first, for your daily dose of TMI, and I don’t clean myself off.

One of my greatest fears is being the guy that smells bad, because that’s a reputation that I imagine lasts forever to those who are unfortunate to have been hampered by it.  Frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever smelled bad, but I’m also convinced that most people can’t really smell themselves, and I’m always paranoid that in times when it’s hot out and I’ve gotten some perspiration going, I am someone that smells bad and just the people I surround myself with in my life are all too polite and considerate to ever say anything to me, or perhaps I really don’t smell bad, and I’d like to keep it that way, and the best way to ensure that kind of silence remains is to keep myself fucking clean, by virtue of taking showers, especially after working out.

Plus, I just love the feeling of being all clean and fresh after a nice shower, and I’m baffled that so many other people don’t enjoy it enough to want to alter their exercise habits to ensure that they can clean themselves up too.

I asked my friends in one of our collective group chats on I were being weird by being so grossed out by people who didn’t shower, and no matter how many times I’ve brought up the topic, the answers haven’t really changed much mostly because 80% of the people in my group have muted the chat because those of us who are active are often too fucking active and they’re tired of checking in and seeing 87 new messages about inane topics like humans that smell bad.  But a lot of them are seemingly okay with it, or defending or giving excuses for people who don’t shower after working out, and it doesn’t gross me out any less, as much as it makes me think that people need to prioritize their lives better to where they should probably concern themselves with their hygiene more than they do.

Take for example, there’s one dude, who is actually on my floor, who doesn’t work out in the gym, but he goes on long nature hikes on the paths that surround my building, but he comes back sweatier than a wildebeest, and he tracks in all sorts of mud and debris into the locker room.  And then, he doesn’t shower, ever, and just gets back into his default skin, probably takes a damp towel to himself and considers himself fine to go back to the office, and I’m disgusted by him every time I see him, especially after noon, because I know where he’s been and I’m sure he’s probably a guy who smells, but I don’t want to find out to confirm.

But more recently, and what spawned this revisiting of this topic is that just the other day, an extremely high-up guy in my company came into the gym to workout.  And I’m talking about like, not the CEO of the company, but like the #2 or #3 guy in the company, someone who is on the highest floor of our building.  He’s recognizable because he’s the guy who leads off the vast majority of corporate communications and is undeniably the highest positioned guy in the company on premises, because the CEO of the company, despite adding a fourth day of mandatory in-office a week, lives in fucking Florida in a grand display of hypocrisy.

Anyway, super high-up executive guy, he’s actually in pretty good shape for his age.  White girls might even consider him a silver fox.  Does some time on the rower, does some hindu squats, spends an adequate time on several machines, working out all over the body.  Has what would be considered a pretty full workout in the process.

He vanishes into the locker room, and I’m thinking to myself, does this guy, a major high-up executive for this $2B company on the rise, come out in five minutes, or does enough time pass to where I can believe he’s taken a shower because he had a pretty decent workout?

Of course, he emerges in five minutes, in his default skin for white guys, cornflower blue oxford shirt and khakis, and it’s evident that this guy who probably makes three times what I do and is the highest position in the building, did not shower.

Obviously, going back to the title of this post, clearly, I am the fucking weirdo, because I value hygiene and cleanliness moar than the rest of the slovenly sweat hogs that I work with.  And upon further reflection, I realize that there are probably fewer people than I have fingers on a single hand that I have seen who actually shower after their workouts.  And at this point, I suppose I really can close the book on the topic, and stop asking myself and all my friends on if I’m being weird for judging people who don’t shower after working out, because it’s pretty evident that so many in the world are completely at ease with being gross and stinky in situations where they can control whether or not they can refresh themselves.

I wish I were that Kaiju from Pacific Rim

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The one that could generate EMPs.  Not because I want to cripple the electric-powered functionality of my adversaries and those whom I want to put in their places. 

To clarify, I wish I were that Kaiju from Pacific Rim that could generate EMPs, but really small, concentrated ones that I could use to cripple the phones of nearby people, who are doing some dumbass behavior with them, mainly stuff that distracts them from common sense, spatial awareness or just plain inconveniencing people around them, namely me.

I’d love to pop an EMP on the dumbass lady who always seems to be in front of me at the really, really short left turn light, who always seems to be paralyzed by her phone, and by the time she reacts and makes her turn, the light turns red and bones over a line of drivers in which at least 3-4 could’ve made the light with a more vigilant lead car.

I’d love to pop an EMP on the parade of shitters who come into my gym solely to use the bathroom to poop, since they all seem to collectively think it’s their private commode.  It’s worse off when they flush the toilet while I’m in the shower, because despite how modern of a building it is, it still has the dated pipes that make the shower water scalding upon a flush, and since it’s automated, some of the shit-filled choads will get it to flush 2-3 times while I’m trying to wash up after an actual workout.

But then the lady in the car holding up traffic, her car would ultimately fry out, making things worse, and it would be my fault.

But then the clowns of indigestion in my gym bathroom will have the automatic flushers go haywire on them, and then the toilets won’t flush and the locker room will smell like turds, and it would be my fault.

Okay, so let’s be very specific here, I really wish I were the kaiju from Pacific Rim who could generate EMPs, but very, very specific EMPs that affect only cell phones of others.  Because in addition to being an 80ft tall colossal monster that could destroy everything in my path, it would be pretty baller to be able to pinpoint snipe and take out the cell phones of shitheads that are a little too married to their phones.

To make the world a better place, of course.

Dad Brog #107: Finally had to use the Ladies’ Room

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One specific dad story/milestone I have from the cruise, is that for the first time ever, I’ve had to take my children into a women’s bathroom.  Typically I’ve just taken them into the men’s room with me, but with at least #1 needing actual toilets since she’s potty trained, it’s imperative that I have to have a stall available to me when I enter.  And as I’ve alluded to, the Magic is smaller than my previous Disney cruise (Fantasy), and it never felt more like it than the availability of restrooms.

Naturally, #1 says she has to go potty right after I’m left with both kids on my own, and thankfully there’s a set of restrooms nearby.  I go into the men’s room and sure enough both stalls are occupied, and after about two minutes it’s obvious the assholes in them are taking vacations, so I leave.  I see a cast member nearby, and I ask him if it’s okay if I use the women’s room since I have two daughters in tow, and they give me the green light.  I enter the women’s room, see one of the stalls is occupied, so I announce my male presence, I have daughters, the men’s room is full, and I need to use the stall.  I get the green light from an understanding woman, and it’s into the stall for my girls and I.

As #1 is doing her business, I hear the door open and a woman enters, so I announce my presence again, as to not freak out any women who hears a man in the room, even if I’m speaking to daughters.  She’s cool about it too, and I start making jokes about how I’m proud of my daughters and how a bunch of gross boys are hogging the men’s room, and we take care of business and get out hastily.

Ultimately, this was one of those situations where I’ve read about how other dads have handled it on the internet, but I didn’t think I’d really ever run into the situation myself.  But as I’ve said, the Magic isn’t the Fantasy and felt like it in terms of size, and into the ladies’ room I went.  Hopefully this will not be a regular occurrence over the next few years, but if it does, I only hope it goes as positively as this one did.

Dad of the year, right chere’.