Tag: triggered

I wish I could be a police officer for one working day, vol. 3

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Considering it was about thirteen years between my first and second posting about wanting to be a cop for a day so I could ticket the shit out of everyone doing illegal things that chap my ass but the police don’t actually do anything about because they’re deemed not high enough priority and that they’re using the excuse of being perpetually understaffed, I didn’t think I’d be up to a volume 3 just yet, but here we are, barely a month later.

Bicycles.  I have a fairly contentious opinion about them, mainly that the vast majority of those who ride them are hipsters, tryhards, trolls, or all of the above, for a myriad of reasons, be it guilting motorists of harming the environment, take it too seriously and making others hate them, or clogging up the Silver Comet Trail by thinking the whole stretch exists solely for them and not the hundreds of people that actually want to run or walk on it alternatively.  Sometimes it’s multiple reasons, or all of the above.

But at the same time, I do recognize bicycling as a very good form of exercise, I acknowledge the environmental benefits to it.  I’m not above doing it myself, and whenever I go visit my brother and he takes me in bicycle rides, admittedly it’s extremely satisfying going into a jam-packed parking lot on the beach for cars who also have to pay to park, whereas bicycle parking is free and abundantly available.

And frankly, there are people out there who rely solely on bicycles as their primary mode of transportation, and if it’s the difference between being a lazy drain on society versus getting out into the world and being a contributing member, pedal away, friends.

However, I suppose I take for granted that all people know the general rule of bicycles in the open world, mainly the one that says stay the fuck off sidewalks.  Because as the weather here in Georgia has gone from fake fall to something mildly not quite summer but definitely not fall anymore, people have been outside more often lately, which kind of cramps my style since I walk and/or run outside regularly regardless of the temperature outside, and over the last weeks, while I’m out and about getting my general wellness in, I’ve had assholes flying past me on bicycles on the sidewalk, often coming too close for comfort of hitting me.

It’s happened frequently to the point where I’ve no choice but to use it as subject matter for a brog post, which is to say that it’s happened way too fucking often lately and I wish I were a cop for a day, so that I could grab a lot of these cocksuckers and yank them off their moving bicycles, pin them to the ground and give them tickets for illegally riding their bicycles on footpaths.

They’re called sidewalks for a reason, not sidebikes or sidebicycles.  Yes, you’d be pissing off motorists and/or putting yourselves at risk of danger by riding in the street, but bicycles are for lack of a better term, still classified as vehicles, and belong in the streets, and not the sidewalks.  It’s selfish to prioritize your own safety from automobiles by doing something illegal like getting on the sidewalks and instead jeopardizing the safety of walkers and runners.

Also, because society is getting lazier and softer with each passing day, I can comfortably say that 90% of personal incidents of bicyclists whizzing past me on sidewalks, are e-bikes, and not just regular, pedal-powered bicycles, and they’re going relatively fast as shit, definitely with enough velocity to do some harm to a human body.

So my general walking/running route is primarily residential, but there are two specific stretches that runs along thoroughfares that do have posted speed limits of 35mph, but usually drive anywhere from 45-55mph with regularity.  One of these stretches has a curve that often causes some obnoxious blind spots, so I kind of get why any bicyclist wants to avoid the risk in those areas, but again, avoid their risk, at the expense of others, and there’s no scenario where one party isn’t at risk by the driving talent of another.

However, the law is the law, and the law in most places, including Georgia, dictates that bicycles shouldn’t be on the fucking sidewalks.  And I’m getting tired of nearly getting clipped on sidewalks by people riding bicycles way too fast where they’re legally not allowed to be on, and if I were a cop for a day, I’d ticket every single one of these shitheads for the absolute maximum penalty possible.

White people learning Asian languages to create content is omega-level white privilege

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I try to not be envious of too much in my life, but I’m also human, and sometimes we just can’t help those types of feelings when we come across them.  That being said, I often lament when I see talented musicians, artists, or even video gamers, and ponder if I could have become as talented as they are, had I not been such an unambitious shit and strayed away from them.

But if there’s one talent that I often feel what could possibly be construed as envy, it would be polyglots.  Obviously English is my native tongue, but I can speak enough Korean to survive easily in Korea, despite my reading being about as good as a grade schooler, with my writing being even weaker.  I know enough Japanese to probably not be completely dominated in Japan, and I’m almost to a two-year streak in Duolingo, practicing Español at least 30 minutes every single day.

However, I’m nowhere near as capable of those people who would be considered actual polyglots, where they can switch languages as easy as a manual transmission driver changing gears, and I’m usually awestruck at how these linguistic masters can hang with just about anyone when they need to.

Lately, I don’t know why The Algorithm is showing me these things, but occasionally I’ve seen videos of white guys who film videos of themselves surprising Chinese people in public places, usually restaurants, when they pretend to be meek shy tourists at their establishments, and after letting a Chinese server struggle to communicate with them in English, they bust out flawless Mandarin or Cantonese, much to their surprise as well as any bystanders in the background.

It was interesting the first time I saw one of these, and dare I say entertaining.  But when it becomes apparent that this is pretty much the only trick that these content creators have, regardless of how many other languages they speak, it becomes obnoxious to me, and I would go as far as to say that it’s also exploitative of, usually Chinese people, because I have yet to see any of these clowns try this schtick with Koreans, Japanese, or any other Asian culture other than Chinese.  I’m not saying they haven’t, and videos don’t exist, but god help me if I ever came across one, especially if it were with Koreans.  It’s bad enough that these polyglots probably speak better Korean than I do, but I’d be incensed to see them pull their schtick on my people.

As the subject of this post says, white guys picking up Asian languages, and then using their talents to farm content on the internet is a level of white privilege that I would say is definitely omega-level.  Because frankly not many other demographics in the world could really get away with this like white guys can, and frankly I’m not entirely sure that any demographic is as attention-starved as white content creators are to even come up with this kind of gimmick.

Just like a black American couldn’t go into Africa and flex some Swahili and expect to surprise some locals, I can’t go into Korea, identify myself as America, and even remotely come close to impress any locals.  Mexicans weren’t at all impressed with my Español on my last time in Mexico, and whenever I’ve been into France, Italy, or Germany, I feel like I’m met more with disdain that I don’t speak their languages.  I highly doubt such would be that different even if I did speak their languages.  It’s like I, or any other Asian person is expected to have learned their languages, based on the educational stereotypes of us.

The thing with all these white polyglots is that they all feel at home and that their bread and butter content is that of tricking and surprising Chinese people.  I don’t seek, but The Algorithm doesn’t bother to feed me any examples of them doing this to any other demographics, and it’s always Chinese people that they film their shitty content with.

And I’m obviously not Chinese, but I am a fellow Asian, and I do take some objection to their exploitation of my Asian brethren in order for them to film content.  What I really want to see is for all these Chinese restauranteurs to start adopting the mindset that everyone who walks into their establishments should be expected to know some Mandarin or Cantonese, and if they do, great, but if they don’t, start unloading the exasperation and passive aggression of disgust, and basically make it so that these white clowns don’t have any ammo to make any further shitty videos.  No-sell the shit out of their reveals and respond with dismissive remarks with rebuttals like “oh good, you do speak Chinese” or better yet, respond in English, like natives tend to do whenever tourists bungle their way them in their native tongues.

Dad Brog (#176): the importance of culture

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve probably brogged about this in the past, but growing up, I wasn’t really much in tune with my Korean heritage.  I mean, I learned the language, went to Korean language school, but really didn’t learn much about Korean culture.  The holidays, the customs, why we wear hanboks on special occasions, and the reasons for holidays that didn’t line up with the Western world I grew up in.

My parents and family didn’t really do much for us American-born kids in educating us, as proud as they might have been of their culture, they didn’t go out of their way to expand it or adhere to it whilst living in America.  And it wasn’t until I was much older, and wanted to learn more on my own, did I actually start to learn more stuff about Korean culture.

As a parent myself now, I’ve always felt it important that my kids learn a little bit more about their Korean heritage than I did growing up.  And as my kids have gotten older and to the ages of where they’re in school and have shown the capability to learn, I’ve always felt priority to expose them to Korean culture, whenever it’s possible.

This past weekend was Chuseok (추석) aka Korean Thanksgiving.  It’s not like Thanksgiving in the west, where white people stuff their faces with turkey, potatoes and green beans, it’s most of a celebration of the harvest moon, and to give thanks to a (hopefully) successful harvest season.

Since moving my dad down here to Georgia, one of the cool things is that he lives in a pretty concentrated Korean area, and they’re very in-tune with the culture, which is a refreshing change considering how little of it there was when I was growing up.  That being said, there was a Chuseok event up where he was, and I was excited to bring my kids to it, so they could see and experience some Korean culture, like folk singing, dancing, and to keep up with the times, stuff like a kids choir and K-pop dancing demonstration were on the agenda, as well as the availability of Korean snacks and consumables.

I planned on making a day of it, mostly so that my kids and I could spend some time with my dad, and we had done things like Kids Workshop at the local Home Depot, since my kids do enjoy creating things, banging nails in with hammers and painting wooden projects, get a nice lunch together, and go to the park if the weather cooperated.

And everything was going well, and the kids weren’t being too big of pills with the litany of random things they decide to complain about at any given point of the day.

But when 2pm rolled around, and it was time for the Chuseok activities to begin, my kids suddenly decided that they wanted nothing to do with anything at this little exhibition, and the complaints started coming in rapid-fire, and killing a little bit of my soul with each successive whine.

“I don’t want to be here”
“I can’t understand anything”
“Can we leave yet”
“Why do we have to just sit here”
“Why do we always have to do what you want us to do”
“We never get to do anything that we want to do”
“We’re only half Korean”

That last one really stung, but I was determined to show a modicum of respect for the people who put this little shindig together, and try to stick around at least 30 minutes of the two hours that they had been scheduled for.  Now in my opinion, had they started with something like kids choir, or the K-pop dance demonstration, it probably would’ve been more engaging to kids like mine, but I get it, this wasn’t for my kids, it was for an entire community, and they had the right to line things up the way they wanted to.

Needless to say, we only made it 30 minutes on the dot, and I was already over my kids, already over parenting, and I didn’t want to risk them causing any sort of scene or being any more disruptive than I thought they were going to be.  Extremely disappointed, I took my kids and my dad out of the event, and prepped them to go home.  Hopefully, my dad went back to the gig afterward and perhaps at least got some good traditional Korean snacks for the trouble.

Up to this point, it’s debatable on whether or not I’ve ever been more upset with my kids than I had been that afternoon.   All I could feel on the long, quiet (I refused to let them have their iPads) drive home was that my kids behaved like ungrateful little shits, I felt like I was failing them as a parent if they were that against anything that was a part of their Korean heritage, or behaving so poorly when they had been treated so well up to that point of the day.

Nothing I said or have already said seemed to get through how much importance I put in them being aware of the Korean heritage that is half theirs, and it really bummed me out just how inconvenienced they felt at being exposed to some of it.  They complained about not being able to understand the Korean that was spoken by the hosts, but at the same time, they complain and pitch a fit at the thought of being sent to Korean language school.  They showed zero appreciation or understanding of people who played instruments or sang in front of a small crowd, regardless of how many years of dance and ballet classes they’ve already done.

*it’s going to happen, they’re going to hate it, but hopefully, like me, they’ll get over it, and one day be appreciative to have done it, much like my own personal journey

I get that they’re “just” kids, and maybe they shouldn’t be held to the same expectations that I was held to when I was their age.  But my mom definitely made me go to things I didn’t want to go to when I was little, and sit through all sorts of things that bored the ever living hell out of me, but I still remember the exposure to Korean things whenever the opportunity was presented to me.

Their behavior ruined my day, most of my weekend, and was a bigger cause for depression than Virginia Tech’s first loss of the season to Pitt.  God forbid I want my children to have a little bit of culture in their lives, and for them to take a golden opportunity and ruin it with their impatience and unwillingness to have an open mind at that juncture of their lives really saddened me and tanked my mood for the entire rest of the weekend.

Like almost all facets of life, I want my kids to be better than I was at everything, including getting taught and learning more about Korean culture than I was at their ages, and it really saddened me that they resisted so much.  I don’t want my kids to be as white-washed as I was growing up, and to be able to be proud of their Korean side, and be able to know a little something about it too.

A pre-requiem for the 2026 Atlanta Barves

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

After Dylan Lee gave up two straight homers almost immediately after the Braves had clawed and scratched their way to a 3-1 lead going into the 8th inning, I immediately saw the writing on the wall.  As Braves fans, we’ve all seen this script before, and from this point on, it was just clenching and hoping the brutal cycle of abuse that comes with being a Braves fan would come to an end, but not be willing to put any money on it that it would happen today. 

Two innings later, the Phillies win game 2, and we’re headed to the winner-take-all game 3, later tonight.  The only series out of the four wild card matchups to have to go the distance, as the White Sox, Yankees and Padres all took care of business and won two immediate games to advance to the divisional series.

Over the last 14 hours or so, I’ve had a lot of thoughts swirling in my brain, that I knew I wanted to write something about it, but wasn’t sure what angle to triangulate on and what tone to take when doing it.  Do I try and tempt fate and write something scathing and completely doom-and-gloom about the Braves’ chances tonight with hopes that I will be proven wrong, and that they’ll hang a 12-2 clobbering just so I’ll be made to look stupid but still be happy that they won?  Do I preemptively write out the post I had formulating in my head about how Philadelphia sports seem to solely exist to ruin the hopes and dreams of Atlanta sports, based on just how many times Philadelphia teams have eliminated Atlanta teams in postseason play throughout history?  Do I make an itemized list of Barves postseason failures over history?

I don’t know.  But I wanted to write something, before game 3, because, well, I don’t know why.  It’s like just my way of processing things, and maybe a combination of all of the above.  Writing something about the Braves becoming the Barves in October on an annual basis just is something that I’m compelled to do, and I hope for the best, but am prepared for the worst.

The fact that all three other matchups concluded means that for once, the Braves don’t have to play at 2 pm, and get a prime-time game that starts at around 8 or so, so more eyes can watch as the Braves will probably choke and lose to the Phillies in the playoffs, so that they will be 0-4 against them historically, with three eliminations over the span of the last five years.

It doesn’t matter how well the Braves have handled the Phillies in the regular seasons throughout all these seasons, the fact of the matter is that for whatever reason, they just can’t seem to overcome them in the playoffs.  2022 was particularly brutal, because the Braves had 101 wins and played most of the year as the de-facto best team in the league, but they took their foot off the gas going the playoffs, had a bye, and immediately got smoked by the 87-win Phillies.  In fact, when the Braves drop to the Phillies tonight, they will have done so as the higher seed in three-straight eliminations, adding insult to injury, and at this point there’s really nothing more that can be said about the agony of constantly falling short to a common tormentor.

Dylan Lee, is a guy I hope I do not see again tonight, and if by some miraculous act of god they win and advance, is a guy I hope I don’t see again for the remainder of the playoffs, and frankly on this team ever again.  It’s nothing personal, but after his game 2 performance, that should be the nail in the coffin as far as his favor with any Braves fan should be.  Every now and then, we see the eventual winner of the World Series do some wonky things with the bullpen, and usually there are some guys who lose favor and are sparsely seen, no matter what their role was in the regular season and the journey to get to the playoffs.  Craig Kimbrel, in spite of his success as a closer was this guy for Boston in one notable year, and the Dodgers completely replaced all their back-end relief with Roki Sasaki just last year.  Dylan Lee, I hope, is the guy that Braves fans never see again, regardless of any positive contributions he may have had in the past.

In all likelihood, the Phillies will be starting Zack Wheeler, their ace, on short rest, which just adds to the feeling of dread for Braves fans.  The Braves used their two best in games 1 and 2, and got away with a split, and the Phillies, out of necessity couldn’t use Wheeler until tonight, but as it stands, we have Wheeler versus whatever the Braves have left.  Most likely Grant Holmes, who has been a fifth-starter type who has been inconsistent and does not inspire faith going into a deciding elimination game.

Needless to say, take everything all of the above, and I do not have a good feeling about tonight’s outcome.  I want to be wrong more than anything, and this is an instance where being right would bring no joy, other than to be able to sigh and say, welp, at least I was right.  The Braves’ offense is still anemic and has never been fixed at any point in the season, and has relied tremendously on the strength of their pitching, but you can’t win games if you don’t score runs. 

Wheeler will either be lights out, or succumb to the rigors of working on short rest, but knowing the Braves’ bats, I’d wager on the former, and I think the chances are way higher that we have same shit, different year, with the Braves going out in the first round, regardless of the fact that MLB added an even first-er round to the playoff field with the Wild Card – if the Braves make the playoffs, they’re destined to get bounced in whatever round comes first to them, because I’m not, and I can’t have any more kids, so I can’t produce any more babies to bless them with any more baby luck.

This shouldn’t be eating at me this much, seeing as how lackadaisical of a baseball fan I’ve been over the last decade or so, but I guess that’s the nature of being a sports fan and a fan of a team.  No matter how much you try to not let it affect you, it just does.

Prove me wrong, fate.

WTF is WWE doing #312

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Turnabout is fair play, and I can be just as critical about the WWE as I can about AEW or anyone else when I think they’re doing something stupid and asinine questionable.

And the topic in question is the decision the E made to not air the Worlds Collide show that took place and was taped on September 26, and held it off until September 30.  The originally described rationale was that the E did not want to explicitly go head-to-head against AEW’s All Out show, which happened on the same night, also in the city of Chicago, and that they would save the airing of the show until the following Wednesday, so they could plop it down right on top of a similar time slot to AEW’s weekly Dynamite programming.

In doing so, it’s kind of like they symbolically threw in the towel at remotely even trying to compete with AEW on the 26th, and thought that they could use the content to muck with the ratings game on the 30th, but the issue I had was the fact that the internet has no capability of shutting the fuck up, and that it would be inevitable to make it from the 26th to the 30th, without some, if not all of the results of Worlds Collide being spoiled by then.

It also didn’t help that in the gap between taping and airing, was a live RAW episode, and whether they took it into consideration or not, they basically spoiled another Worlds Collide match when Roxanne Perez was featured on RAW, not carrying the AAA Reina de Reina’s Championship blet, which spoiled the fact that she did not defeat La Catalina, and anyone with a brain paying attention would know that when it airs on the 30th.

This, was extra salty for me, as I’ve grown quite high on Roxanne Perez and her match at Worlds Collide was one that I was really looking forward to watching.

One thing that nobody could have ever anticipated either, was the unfortunate and untimely sudden passing of Benjamin Satterley AKA Pac AKA Neville on the 27th, because everyone knew that the Dynamite on the 30th was going to immediately pivot into being a tribute show to Pac, and the optics are poor on the WWE to try and run counterprogramming to a tribute show, for a guy that was apparently very well liked, respected and cared for by performers all across the industry, regardless of who they were working for.

Naturally, the WWE didn’t budge, and they still plopped Worlds Collide on the 30th.  Despite how much I wanted to see it, preferably live, I didn’t watch it yet, because like many wrestling fans, I was upset by the passing of Benjamin Satterley, and I had tuned into AEW; a little weird to see the decisions to bring Bryan Danielson and Wardlow back on this specific night, but the Will Ospreay and Ricochet match was amazing, and it was a pretty good night of just pure wrestling and working, in the name of honoring the life of Pac.

But overall, poor form on the WWE and their gradually deteriorating soulless operations.  The choice to not run Worlds Collide live to me, seemed cowardly in not wanting to run in direct opposition to AEW, as well as disrespectful mostly to the AAA talents that were on the card, because they don’t get nearly the same exposure as all of the main roster and NXT talents do, and needlessly manipulating the airing of a show where they were going to get some larger billing, seems disrespectful and inconsiderate to their travel and effort.

I will watch the show when I get a chance, because I’m high on the AAA product, and anything they’re involved in is usually very fun and good quality, but massive egg on the E for handling this the way it was done.  Tf are you bean counting cocksuckers thinking?

The WWE fan meet and greet experience brought to you by Cricket Wireless

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Despite being a shitty wrestling fan these days, one of the things that I still like to try to do is meeting wrestling talent, and when possible getting signed 8x10s because one day I’ll have a personal space again where I can frame and hang them, and just in general, getting autographed photos is one of those things that if I don’t get them if the opportunity is there, I’ll inevitably end up regret not doing so later on down the line.

That being said, The Algorithm fed me intel about a free meet and greet that was happening in the Metro Atlanta area, where Alexa Bliss and Penta were going to be appearing at a Cricket Wireless location out in Norcross.  I don’t hide the fact that I am a fan of Alexa Bliss, and I’ve grown to appreciate Penta more and more throughout the years, so I thought to myself that this was one that I was interested in, but probably not likely to do, because of being a dad, as well as the fact that I’d heard that these meet and greet experiences, especially the free ones, typically require fans to arrive in ungodly early amounts of time, in order to ensure not getting cut off.

But then as the weekend approached, grandma took the girls and suddenly I really had nothing stopping me from attempting to brave the experience and see if I could get autographs from a prime Alexa Bliss and Penta.  The idea of waking up in the middle of the night and then have to go wait 5-6 hours didn’t seem at all that appealing at first, but the fact of the matter was that it’s not that I wouldn’t really be able to do what I’d probably have end up doing in the first place, which was dicking around on my phone, being lazy, doing Duolingo, etc.  I would however be forfeiting an extremely rare opportunity to turn the alarms off on my phone and sleep in, but again, going back to the thought of potential regret, I would’ve been disappointed to pass up on Alexa Bliss, and Penta to a degree, in circumstances where I could’ve been available.

So I made the decision to go for it, got an 8x10s of each to try and get signed, and I got my ass up at 3:45 am, with the intention of getting to Norcross as early as possible and hope that I would be far up enough in the line to where I wouldn’t be cut off, and had a chance to get autographs.

I got to the shopping plaza right around 4:30, and I came prepared based on the intel of netizens who have detailed their experiences; lawn chair, a snack, and a water bottle, despite the fact that I really didn’t want to figure out what to do if nature struck over the six hours I had to kill.  From what it looked like, I was unfortunately not early enough to be the front of the line, but it only looked like there were like 40 or so people in advance of me, so I knew I would probably be good enough to stay and wait; my biggest fear was making the trek out there, only to discover the line was already wrapped around the building, and then be immediately defeated, but at least I’d be able to go back to sleep, but I was pleased knowing that I was possibly okay.

Honestly, the waiting wasn’t really that bad.  I did my Duolingo, did my Wordle and Connections and a crossword puzzle on my phone, and caught up on the previous night’s Week 1 College Football scores, feeling disappointment in Virginia Tech for allowing VMI to actually get on the board with a field goal in spite of hanging 70 points on them, and fascination at the masterclass of gaslighting done by the NCAA and Michigan to justify allowing Michigan to get a second, and ultimately successful chance to avoid the upset despite the fact that the clock struck zero but that’s possibly a post for another time.

I made a single-serving friend with the person next to me, whom I figured out the bathroom problem, by offering to get them a Red Bull while I jetted off to the nearby QT to take care of business since we still had like 4 hours to go, and we chatted wrestling and it helped chew up a lot of time.

However, it’s when the sun started to rise and the schedule event time neared did things start to progressively go from dubious, to hairy, to dishearteningly deflating, and frankly this post probably doesn’t happen if everything were as perfectly successful as I’d hope they would be.

When it was the darkness of the 4-5-6 am hour of the morning, the temperature wasn’t bad at all, but once that sun started coming up, the heat started to rise, and the impatience of the constantly growing line started to emerge.  All the while, Cricket employees would at first just be checking in, but the manager of the place would get on the megaphone to go over some of the expected rules of the event.

At first, they pissed off a lot of people by saying that there would only be one autograph per party, so all the people who wanted to get both Alexa and Penta to sign something now had to pick; it was an easy choice for me, and I was at least satisfied knowing that I could still get Alexa’s autograph, since I didn’t know I would really have a shot at it, coming into the event.

Then, they stated that photographs would be limited to a single group picture, meaning no individual pics with Alexa and individuals with Penta.  Presumably also, entire groups had to go in at once, and no family pic, and then pervy dad alone with Alexa pic in the same group.

With each successive announcement, there would be some grumbles, none more than from this one party of like 9 in front of me that brought like the whole fuckin’ family, including the kids and presumably a grandma with a cane, and I often ask myself why I’m such a fan of something that also has such downtrodden rednecks as superfans of it as well but that would be overly judgmental of me.  I had an idea of bringing the girls to meet Alexa with me, with their tag blets, since Alexa is a multi-time holder of those specific blets, but I definitely wouldn’t have wanted them to wait 6-7 hours like I ended up doing, and I’m surprised but not surprised at the families who actually did have their kids do such.

10:30 rolls around, and nobody’s seen any limo or luxury SUVs to indicate that the stars of the appearance were there and ready to go, and as if he knew what everyone was thinking, manager announces to everyone that the talent is “en route,” eliciting more bitching and moaning, specifically from the party of 9 rednecks in front of me.  I’d learned from stories of other Cricket appearances, that talent tardiness does tend to occur fairly regularly, and as disappointing as that is, it’s a free event, that alone right there gives all associated pretty much all the leeway in the world to do whatever the fuck they want to.

Probably around 11 is when two black SUVs arrive, and it’s obvious that the talent has arrived.  But the meet and greet doesn’t happen immediately, and the sun is up and blazing, and people are getting ornery at why things aren’t starting and the line not moving.  Nosier people than me who meandered up to the front to peep inside the store were reporting that Alexa and Penta were doing photos and autographs with the employees first, inciting even more angst from those in line.

And then the shit really hits the fan, when manager announces to the crowd, that neither Alexa or Penta will be doing any autographs, and that it’s just meet and photos only.  Maybe the first 10-15 parties got autographs, and those who were coming out of the store were clearly getting way more than a single article per, and combined with the employees who got to bogart talent time in advance of all the people, now everyone started getting pissed.

Party of 9 were basically screaming NO! NO! and loudly proclaiming their protest at the news of no autographs.  It’s clear they brought the whole family, thinking they would walk away with a Kay-Bee Toys worth of signed crap, and progressively complained more and more throughout the morning about the escalation of policy.

I felt the gut punch of disappointment at the revelation that I wasn’t going to get either of my photos signed, much less from Alexa, and it was agreed that the general mood of the whole event deflated tremendously from everyone in line, many of whom had been waiting as long, if not more than I had at this point, who were going to be going home empty handed.

But again, this was a free event, and nobody asked anyone to wait 6-7 hours for this, and they owed nobody anything, since they were not getting paid.  The manager, exasperated by the sudden rage, hilariously got on his mic to remind everyone that this event was being done by their generosity.

Obviously, seeing as how I’d already burned seven hours, I wasn’t going to leave without at least meeting Alexa and Penta, so I stuck around and got my ten seconds to shake their hands, and get a few rapid-fire shots on my phone as evidence that I did get to meet them.

Also to ask Alexa who her favorite Disney princess was because my daughters wanted to know (they didn’t, but it was a good conversation starter that made her stop and think) – she said Elsa.  

Needless to say, I’m not mad, just disappointed, in the whole experience.  I’m glad I got to meet two talents I like, but like many, I’m extremely disappointed in not being able to have a keepsake in the form of an autograph from it.  I’d rather have had the auto and no photo, than the other way around, but as many have documented these events being, it truly was a cattle call to churn people in and out of line as quick as humanly possible.

Again, as it was a free event, there’s a very low ceiling to how actually mad people are really allowed to be at it, and its rapid-fire changing of policy during it, and as is often the case, I’d frankly rather pay money for a guaranteed meet and autograph, and had Alexa Bliss done a paid appearance in advance of Saturday Sunday Night’s Main Event, I probably would have done it.

I take the whole experience as a valuable educational lesson learned, in the end.  Hearing how they were and experiencing it for myself weren’t far apart, and although it didn’t cost me much in terms of money, it had a massive time cost, to which that time is so precious to me, that I’m not willing to go through with this kind of thing again in the future.

Feeling despair, vol. #1,256

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Recently, my kids have both decided that they really like the lullaby tune playing on their Hatches while they go to sleep.  It’s the sweetest tune that everyone knows, but when I listen to it playing on the monitor coming from both their rooms, it takes me back to the days when they were but little nuggets of babies, and it absolutely melts my heart, reminiscing of those days.  I do not deny the feeling of tears welling up from time to time when I think about it.

I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, and I’m having a hard time getting out of it.  Times like this, there’s really little else but for me to try to put it down in writing to see if it helps me process and figure things out which sometimes happens when I put it all into actual words.

Also, it’s because I don’t really feel like there’s anyone I can speak with much these days, because everyone is understandably busy with their own lives and matters and everyone’s time is important to them, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I feel so utterly alone these days, but at the same time I’m so absolutely over feeling like I have to be the initiator of every single human interaction, be it with my own parents, my wife, colleagues or anyone else, that lately I just want to be left the fuck alone after all and not have to do absolutely anything.

But I guess that’s really what depression kind of is at the very root of things, feeling down about anything and everything, hoping someone will notice and offer to help out, but subsequently not wanting to deal with other people and their own personalized bullshit, so it’s just this kind of negative swirl in the brain where you think you know what you want until you realize it comes with some variables attached to them, things that you don’t want, so it’s maybe for the best that I’m just left alone, and then it just regurgitates over and over again until it’s time to go to bed and hope that you wake up not feeling so shitty about things.

What it all amounts to is a version of me that’s kind of going through the motions, where the mundane is the easiest part of the day in the sense that I don’t have to think about things too much, because my job is monotonous and obnoxiously busy, but I get to go to the gym there and I don’t know what things would be like for me if I didn’t exercise as much as I do.

I come home and try to make the absolute best of time I have with my kids, reading books, playing with Legos and other building toys, occasionally watching some television together, and both girls are currently in the midst of reading Harry Potter books, and they both seem to really like them, so it’s been a pleasure reading some long-form stories to them on a nightly basis.

They go to bed, begrudgingly, and not without tremendous resistance, and then dad-mode disengages, but then my house is a fucking disaster zone because everyone treats my home like a storage facility where nobody knows how to throw anything away and shit continues to accumulate within my walls, and bringing it up to anyone results in snappy rebuttals and nothing gets done, but I try to do my best at being really the only one who puts forth any fucking effort at straightening the place up, because I no longer have an office or any dedicated space to call my own where I can hide in and decompress, so I’m constantly trying to make the public areas of my home more to my liking, but that eats into the time I have available to me to not be dad.

I feel underappreciated and taken for granted by just about everyone in my life these days, and my kids are the only ones who really get a pass because they’re still just kids and don’t really understand such complexities of human behavior yet.  But whether I’m at home, or at work, I just feel very underappreciated and taken for granted, and it feeds into the perpetual cycle of being down on a daily basis, probably getting worse.

My medium at work is oft-overlooked and not at all taken into consideration by the decision makers of the company who are all so easily distracted by all things shiny and digital, but when the day is over, our retail locations would sure look like shit if they didn’t have people like me who put forth the work to give them any sort of visual identity.  Just this week, I’ve heard colleagues absent-mindedly proclaim their general ignorance for the work that my team and I do, and I’m just like, great, good to know that you’re not as qualified for the job you have despite probably saying you were, good times.

At home, I feel like a glorified housekeeper, seeing as how I’m the one who does the vast majority of any sort of house work, but the difference is that I’m not getting paid to do it, and in fact, my credit card debt is actually only getting worse after an expensive trip to Asia where I’m shouldering the brunt of the financial lift, and any sort of recompense is going to be slow, small, and generally inconsequential to the fact that I’m the one eating the interest on any balances carried over month to month.

Nobody respects my time, which makes me feel like nobody respects me, and with as limited time I have in order to do anything remotely close to being for myself, dwindles with every 5-10 minutes chunk that is burned by my kids not listening, or anyone else just not respecting me or my time.  Almost nothing in the world is a bigger pet peeve than my time getting wasted, I state it as clear as day, and people either ignore it, or consciously choose to not give a fuck, with neither being a particularly respectful decision.

Subsequently, my temper has been short, probably more than usual, because it just feels like nothing is easy, and nothing is really good right now.  The littlest tasks end up going tits up real fast, because wanting to do A, requires B, C and D to happen, but not before you move E, F and G out of the way so that H could be gotten.  I usually snap and curse the sheer amount of unnecessary crap that exists in my house, and my wife just assumes I have anger issues when she, or anyone else doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck enough about my state of being to try and find out what the problems are to see if they could possibly help.

No amount of break, trip or escape would be close to helping me out when I’m in this state of mind, because I know that if I were to be away from my house for even the smallest amount of time means coming home to a disaster zone, which is usually what happens whenever I do go away for like a weekend.  And then it’s usually worse than before I started because now I have to retroactively clean other peoples’ shit, which just ends up being a lose-all scenario.

My wife suggested I come down to a day of Dragon-con this weekend, and I don’t think I could have possibly shot that idea down any faster.  I have no ill-will towards the convention, or any of my friends or acquaintances that are looking forward to going.  But it is not something that I am at all interested in anymore at this juncture in my life, and I definitely am not remotely close to being in a mental state to where I could even fake it for a few hours, even if it means not seeing a lot of people that I think fondly of.

The con is just so different than it used to be, and I understand that that’s a me problem and not the con’s problem, but it’s no longer an event I can go to without an agenda, and wing it.  I used to say about conventions in the past, let the con come to you, but that’s a dated mentality that isn’t valid at conventions today, because everyone comes in with plans, agendas, and schedules, and old fucks like me without are usually left to just aimlessly wander, and hang out and hope to run into people they know, who usually can’t stop for more than a minute because they’ve got shit to do.

I’ve never felt lonelier at an event boasting 50,000+ people than I had at the last two Dragon-cons I’d been to.  I don’t really want to feel that way again any time soon, or spend the $2,000 that usually comes along with room, food, parking and booze.

Mythical wife has a purpose this year, and actual tasks to do, and perhaps that’s something I could consider in the future if I ever felt the itch to ever go back to any convention ever again, but for this year, hard pass on Dragon-con.

Well, I can’t really say that feel that much better putting all of these thoughts down into text.  I don’t think I really have any true takeaways from all this swill that can help me process the depression I’m dealing with right now.  I’m trying to eat better and working in a two-a-day workout, usually some sort of 30-35 minute in the evenings that I’m sacrificing out of my scarce free time, in the sake of improving my health.

But I can appreciate myself in doing it at all, instead of intending on doing it, not doing it, and then getting anxious and upset about not doing it, to which it then becomes an Inception-like layer of angst in which to fuel a future rant.  And I guess that in itself is somewhat of a pyrrhic W, and these days I have to take any wins that I can get.