Because there’s a wrestling analogy for everything: Five Guys defeats In-N-Out Burger as the greatest burger joint all-time now and forever irrefutably

I’d like to start off and say that I am a fan of In-N-Out Burger.  Their burgers are definitely tasty, and I will seldom turn down the opportunity to go to one, whenever I go to a city where In-N-Out is available.  But when the day is over, my allegiance is with Five Guys.  Not just because of our shared Virginia roots and the positive association of basically growing up with the company when they were still just five dinky restaurants scattered across NOVA where you could shuck peanut shells on the ground while you waited for our order.

No, when the day is over, I honestly believe that Five Guys is the better hamburger (and fries) than In-N-Out.  And it’s about fucking time that the rest of the country broke out of their antiquated hipster anti-establishment damn-the-man mentality In-N-Out is better brainwashing and came to the same realization.

Five Guys never fails to satisfy a hearty meal; I always finish my In-N-Out #1 with a feeling of should I get something else no don’t be a greedy fat fuck, and I leave with this unfulfilled satisfaction in the pit of my stomach.  Five Guys never fails to fill that pit, regardless if I go with a fat double-patty, or feel self-conscious and order a single.

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