ToNeToATL: LA Fitness Midtown Atlanta closing at the end of the year; no reason given by management

I saw this story come across, and I had to stop what I was doing so I could smirk, chuckle, and then give approximately three hearty laughs.  For those that have known me for some time might remember that this was the gym that I worked out in for roughly four-plus years of my life, when I was a middling state employee working in the heart of Midtown.

In those years in which I worked out at this gym, I did manage to keep up a modicum of shape while there, but most of the time I was there working out, I was also observing the wealth of fascinating characters that also descended onto the facility, as if I were a mid-athletic Korean Jane Goddall, studying the wildlife while tryna mind my own business.

Make no mistake, the vast majority of the people I witnessed there were awful; mostly on account of being either inconsiderate, (trying to be) intimidating, lazy, excessively meathead-y, vapid, or any combination of the above, with maybe a few all of the aboves sprinkled into the mix.

Off the top of my head, I can remember such GOATs like:

• The worst guy at the gym
• Two ellipticals at the same time guy
• Naked MySpace tripod camera selfies guy
• Practice runway walk (while naked) in the locker room
• Bedazzled lifting belt guy
• Fishnets gym gear guy
• Used Nair in the men’s locker room guy

And I was always entertained by the random pro-wrestlers I ran into while there, seeing as how it’s an optimal place to get in a pump before hitting the arena for a show, even if they didn’t know that the place was really actually shitty.  But I did see guys like Brad Maddox and Erick Rowan there, and I was actually able to have a brief conversation and selfie with Wade Barrett.

Honestly though, looking back, there’s really only one dude there that I would probably say is the closest thing to a buddy I had in all the years I worked out there.  And in true Ron Swanson-ian fashion, I actually never knew or learned his name, as we only fraternized as recognized regulars, respect existing solely based on the frequency in which we saw each other and didn’t act like knuckleheads in the gym.

Man was built like a combination of Abobo from Double Dragon mixed with Michael Clarke Duncan, and was an absolute hulk in a gym that had its share of tryhard lifters and vanity projects.  But unlike most of the others, he was super chill, loved sports and a leisurely pace, and was easily my favorite person there.  To him, I hope he’s doing well, and finds a comfortable new home base to continue maintaining his imposing stature.

Everyone and everything else about the Midtown LA Fitness can go eat a bag of dicks or whatever sexual body parts that turns them off.  The place was a joke of a business, and it’s a Christmas miracle that they lasted as long as they did, as the entire area around them exploded in progress and development, as if a kid just learned the Sim City million dollar code and executed it successfully for the first time.

The world is their oyster on what they could put in its place, but knowing the history of Atlanta, there’s a very high chance that the location ends up being replaced by a CubeSmart, some place selling chicken tenders, a Duck Donuts, or perhaps in some revolutionary manner, a combination of all three.  Normally, I roll my eyes whenever I hear of anything in Atlanta closing down and being replaced by any one of the three, but if it’s at the expense of Midtown LA Fitness, then it would still be considered an upgrade.