What an Asian household is like for little Hyun-Soo Choo, now that League of Legends players are going to now be recognized as professional athletes.
Hyun-Soo Choo sits in his room playing the piano, practising The Moonlight Sonata. His head is rhythmically rolling from side to side as he lets his mind get lost in the melody and the slow, methodical strokes of the ivory keys.
Mom: (Screaming from downstairs) Hyun-Soooooo! [Time for League of Legends practice!]*
*[Translated from the Korean – dh]
Hyun-Soo: Ommaaaa (“Mom” in Korean) I don’t want to play Leagueeee!!
Mom: Hyun-Soo! [Right now!]
Hyun-Soo: Ommmaaaaaa…….
Mom: HYUN-SOO!!!
Defeated, Hyun-Soo closes the cover to the keys of his piano and begins stomping his way downstairs, begrudgingly. His mother is waiting at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips, with a handheld dust brush in her left hand. She has a stern and fierce look on her face.
Mom: [If I had to call one more time, I going to go upstairs and beat your ass.]
Hyun-Soo: I don’t wanna play League, Omma. I want to play the piano!
Mom: [Don’t be stupid. There’s no money to be made in piano. Unless you are genius. You are not genius in piano.]
Hyun-Soo: But I’m not a genius in League of Legends either Omma!
Mom: [Nobody is genius in League of Legends (the one factual statement in this entire post)!! Need practice to become pro!]
Hyun-Soo: The same thing can be said about playing the piano too, Omma…
Mom: (eyes-widening in defiance) [But there no money in playing piano!! Don’t be stupid!]
Hyun-Soo: (mumbles incoherently)
Mom: (stares Hyun-Soo down, who refuses to meet her eyes) [Let’s go.]
During the drive through the suburbs in their Honda Odessey, Mom realizes that Hyun-Soo is really upset. Hyun-Soo enviously watches the other children in the neighborhood, who have free reign over their activities, doing what non-aspiring League of Legends pros do in their spare time after school. Practicing soccer, throwing the football, playing baseball catch. He sees several small children with a intricately woven bug net trying to catch flying insects. Further down, girls in pastel-colored summer dresses play hopscotch and jump rope. Little Samantha Wu sits on her patio practicing the violin. Through the windows and the hum of the air-conditioning of the Odyssey, the muffled sounds of children having fun, laughing and screaming boisterously can be heard. Hyun-Soo lets out a massive sigh as he continues to watch enviously.
Mom: [Hey, what’s wrong.]
Hyun-Soo: Nothing.
Mom: [Okay.]
Hyun-Soo: I don’t wanna go to League practice!! I wanna be like the other kids and do things that THEY want to do!
Mom: [Those kids are all stupid. They are not going to get anywhere in life playing baseball or jump rope or football]
Hyun-Soo: (fumes)
Mom: [Or that stupid Samantha Wu. Why practice violin?? No money in violin. She needs to chase down and marry gamer. Or she could become girl gamer. Be like Siren.]
Hyun-Soo: Violin is great! Just like piano is! Who cares if there’s no money in music, Omma?? It makes me happy!! It makes Samantha happy!!
Mom: (violently snaps head to face Hyun-Soo; completely loses awareness of the Odyssey slowing beneath Asian speed limit of five mph under) [Then who take care of Omma and Appa (“Dad”) when we get old?? Our musician son?? Who make under $20,000 a year with no insurance?? Huh? Who?]
Hyun-Soo: This is all about you and Appa. You guys don’t love me by making me do what I don’t want to.
Mom: [This is all for you, Hyun-Soo!! This is for your future!! Become pro League of Legends player, and make million of dollars!]
Hyun-Soo: I hate League of Legends. I’d rather be a doctor or a lawyer than a pro-Leaguer.
Mom: [Ha, you and the rest of Seoul! Too much competition to be doctor or lawyer. Harvard already in deep trouble with ACLU for not admitting anymore Asian. You know what “UCLA” stand for? “U Cee aLotofAsian!” Hohohoho!]
Hyun-Soo: That’s not funny, Omma.
Mom: [Hohoho. Shut up.]
Hyun-Soo is dropped off at The Twisted LANLine, one of the many McLAN schools that popped up after the legitimacy of League of Legends as a professional sport. The enrollment of The Twisted LANLine is 90% Asian. Hyun-Soo walks through the entrance and immediately runs into his best friend, Ekin Chang. With an A. Not an E.
Ekin: Yo pianist.
Hyun-Soo: What up Sky?
Ekin: Nothing much bro. Pissed at my dad. I was two under when my dad ripped me off the green to drag me to League practice.
Hyun-Soo: Did you know there was actually a time when Asian parents actually wanted their kids to be good at things like music and golf?
Ekin: And academics too. My dad was snooping through my binder the other day, and asked if my math homework was me trying to figure out how to maximize my magic resist while retaining decent AP scaling. He actually got pissed when I said it was just my math homework and that I had to show my work.
Hyun-Soo: I heard that back in those days Asian parents actually discouraged their kids to play video games. I couldn’t imagine my parents yelling at me for not practicing League, or not studying what TSM did in their last stream.
Ekin: No shit bro? My dad installed a projector behind my bed so I have to watch Voyboy’s stream until I fall asleep.
Hyun-Soo: Man, I tried to tell my parents that playing piano helped me get dexterity in my fingers. That almost worked until my dad pointed out that my right hand playing the piano didn’t have any mechanical bearing to how I’m supposed to hold a mouse.
Ekin: Man, that would’ve been SO gg if that excuse worked.
Hyun-Soo: Come on Sky, don’t League-speak me while not in practice.
Ekin: Sorry bro, it’s just that I know I hate it, but it still kind of sticks.
“Training” at The Twisted LANLine consists of three ARAM matches, followed by three matches on Summoner’s Rift. It consists of close to four hours of practice each night, ending at nearly midnight, even on school nights, but parents of aspiring League professionals don’t seem to mind this, and even prioritize it over traditional school. On this particular night, Ekin Chang and Hyun-Soo were put on opposing teams once the Summoner’s Rift matches took place. The two of them decided to throw the third game as Ekin’s team had already won the first two, and there was no real sense in playing the third. Unfortunately for them, their “teacher” happened to notice their lackadaisical behavior amidst a break in his own stream studying, and was not unwilling to share this information with Hyun-Soo’s mother.
Mom: [Why you not take training seriously?? Don’t you want to be pro League player?]
Hyun-Soo: Uh, no, Omma, you know I don’t want to be a pro League player.
Mom: [Then what do you want to be?]
Hyun-Soo: Are you serious, Omma? You know I want to play piano!
Mom: (Conveniently ignores statement, deliberately) [Don’t you want to be famous?]
Hyun-Soo: Sure, but for playing the piano, or something else…
Mom: [But piano won’t get the people chanting your name! Like inSec!]
Hyun-Soo: “inSec” isn’t even his real name Omma. It’s like In-Seok or something, but people can’t pronounce it correctly.
Mom: inSec! inSec! inSec! inSec! innnnnSeeeeeccccc mech-a-neeksuuuuuuu!!
Hyun–Soo: omg
Mom: [You don’t want that??] Hyun-Soo! Hyun-Soo! Hyun-Soo!
Hyun-Soo: That’s not my in-game name, Omma… only retards go by their full given name as their screen name.
Mom: [Then what your screen name??]
Hyun-Soo: “th3 pianist”
Mom: [What?]
Hyun-Soo: The pianist.
Mom: The penis? [like your penis?]
Hyun-Soo: No!! “The. Pianist!” As in someone who plays the piano!
Mom: Aigoo chamna! (“good grief”) [Again with this piano nonsense!]
Hyun-Soo: Well I’m sorry you don’t like it Omma.
Mom: [Can you change your name?]
Hyun-Soo: Yes. But it costs money to do so.
Mom: [Penis is fine then.]
Hyun-Soo: “Pianist.”
Mom: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Ohohohohohoho!
Hyun-Soo: (cringes, leans his forehead against the window)
Hyun-Soo and his mother arrive home. They walk into the foyer, and before Hyun-Soo can head towards the kitchen, his mother sends him to his room.
Mom: [No snacks for you. Go to your room. This punishment for giving up at practice tonight.]
Hyun-Soo: (muttering) This is such bullshit.
Mom: [What??]
Hyun-Soo: It’s not fair.
Mom: [I don’t care. Practice tomorrow too. Play two game tonight before you go to bed. And no bot game either. I’ll check.]
It’s a Wednesday night, well past midnight, and Hyun-Soo does have school to go to in the morning, it should be mentioned.
Hyun-Soo: I hate League of Legends.
Hyun-Soo goes into his room and locks the door. He unlocks his computer and logs into League of Legends. But instead of immediately queuing up into the first of the two games his mother ordered him to play before bed, he instead opens up a browser and brings up HotshotGG’s stream. He chooses HotshotGG’s stream, because he is typically loud and makes a lot of noise while playing, which is perfect for him to mask the sound of him playing the piano.
While the sounds of streaming League players emanate from Hyun-Soo’s room, Hyun-Soo himself is back at the seat of where he always wanted to be; at the bench of his piano, eyes closed, and head lolled back, as his fingers begin keying the soft beginning to Beethoven’s Für Elise.
