Lately, I’ve been in some kind of a weird mood. I can’t quite say that it’s one of those obnoxious bouts of depression or anything, because if that was truly the case, then nothing could make me feel momentarily good when good things happen, and that hasn’t been the case. It’s just that lately, it seems like life is really odd feeling at the moment, and the more I try to work things out in my head, the more it seems like it’s not going to get any simpler any time soon, and that there’s a whole slew of changes and things on the horizon that seem kind of daunting and/or things I can’t yet get myself mentally prepared for yet.
There was a period of time last week, where I felt this monumental weight on my head, and I had this overwhelming desire to write something that I might have regretted had I posted it. It’s hard to explain why I wanted to write it so bad, but in hindsight, I’m glad that I wasn’t so rash as to actually post it, because I think it might have been a little too personal, and frankly something I’d probably regret publishing to the interwebs. But for all intents and purposes, there’s a word document that has all this ominous text on it, but I’m pretty sure it’ll never see the light of day.
The thing is that simply writing it out, even if I didn’t post it, alleviated me of that mental weight that I felt for some reason. Although nobody except for me will probably ever read it, I have to say that it really felt good jotting these words down nonetheless. I will have to remember such a tactic the next time I’m feeling mentally overwhelmed, and I’d implore others to explore this tactic, to see if it works for them. To some capacity, I’m exercising it right now myself, because I feel like writing something, but am not intending on writing anything that I might regret posting.
So yeah, I’m in this weird funk. I’m neither happy but I’m not really sad either. I might just be bored, and it is coming off as somewhat downtrodden; in all fairness, Mother Nature once again ruined my aspirations to get in my car, drive somewhere a little bit far, and watch some minor league baseball, so this particular day was pretty much a wash that had me bored. It’s apparent that if I do not have any solidified plans over my weekends, then I often times don’t have good means of having things to falling back on, which leads to way too much time to think about things conversely.
I tried to occupy myself and do something productive, by plotting out some sketches and initial blueprinting of a future costume, and I did feel some momentary satisfaction that deducing that something I need to build was symmetrical, and that I could save myself a good bit of effort by illustrating half of components, only to duplicate and flip them over to have a perfectly symmetrical reverse side.
Regardless, I’d rather have had my original plans go off without hitches in the future, but as long as my aspirations involve the outdoors, Mother Nature is always in play. What a miserable bitch, what with the constant shitty weather always beginning LITRALLY on Fridays and going into the weekend, like the last four weekends now. Hopefully, as we enter the J-months, my weekend plans have a higher success rate, as I’ve got numerous places I’d like to go just about every weekend from now on.
