If you don’t know what the Tomahawk Chop is, take a few seconds to educate yourself on what it sounds like. Now imagine changing the last part of the chant to a drawn out “owned” instead of an “ohhhhh.”
Because that’s what it sounds like when the Atlanta Braves organization gets owned.
At long last, the national nightmare of ambivalent taxpayers getting fleeced to build expensive, egregious and unnecessary stadiums, complexes and training fields for the Atlanta Braves has run into some resistance, for a change. The Collier County board of commissioners unanimously voted 5-0 in favor of NO to the Atlanta Braves’ want to build a new spring training facility in the Naples area; naturally, at the expense of local taxpayers, and not out of their own deep, deep pockets.
This makes me happy, that finally for once, a small town has actually wizened up and realized “You know what, bringing the Braves out here wouldn’t be doing us any favors, in fact, they’re tryna screw us, fuck you Atlanta Braves!” I guess enough studies and facts are readily available from Jackson, Mississippi as well as Rome, Lawrenceville and Marietta, Georgia to realize that bringing the Braves into town just isn’t a good idea.
And it’s not just because it’s the Braves that this story is so fist-pumping-ly good, it’s just refreshing to see that someone out there, realizes that sporting complexes aren’t the milk and honey that those who want them try to sell them as, and tells them “nah, we’re good.” It’s just a little bit sweeter knowing it’s the Braves who got owned in this exchange, because after one morally abysmal relocation, it’s nice to see that they’re not going to get their way when it comes to a Spring Training facility as well.
Well, with the Nationals and Astros moving to Palm Beach, and the vast majority of other teams in the Grapefruit League residing on the west coast of Florida, the Braves look like they’re going to be exiled in central Florida a little bit longer, condemned to play the Detroit Tigers in Lakeland and Orlando 18 times next Spring. Cry me a fucking river, that a bunch of grown-ass men getting paid boatloads of money to play a kids game, bitching and complaining about travel time and inconveniences of how far Orlando is from their opponents’ homes.
I hope Disney decides that the Braves aren’t worth the trouble of co-branding with, and doesn’t renew their contract after the current one expires after 2017. I hear the shithole facility that the Astros will be leaving will be available, and it would be a fitting place for the Braves to take residence while they take the time to try to find some other unsuspecting Florida town to fleece, whom I hope will rebuff them as well.
Ohhhhhhhhh, ohhh-oh-oh-owneeedddd
