I’m not even going to pretend for two seconds that I’m a hockey fan. The biggest importance of hockey in my life is Al Michaels’ call of Do You Believe in Miracles? from the 1980 Olympics when Team USA upset the Soviet Union in one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports. Otherwise, I know and care very little about the sport, personally considering it fourth-tier in the hierarchy of professional sports. I know a lot of names of players and teams mostly through osmosis of ESPN and other sports outlets I keep my ear to the ground with, but really I’ve given no shits about the NHL ever in the history of my life.
However, it hasn’t been lost on me that over the last few years, the Washington Capitals have had some difficulty in overcoming the Pittsburgh Penguins. Something like the Penguins winning three straight playoff matchups against the Capitals, en route to winning the Stanley Cup each time or something or other. A cursory search shows that that the Penguins won seven consecutive playoff series against the Capitals since 1995.
This stigma had been amplified over the prior two seasons, with the respective stars of both squads, Alexander Ovechkin of Washington and Sidney Crosby of Pittsburgh in the primes of their careers, as well as the ever-prevalent and pervasive presence of social media for all the fairweather and casual fans to blow shit up more than others might want. And as had been the norm, the Penguins ended the seasons for the Caps, and went on to win Stanley Cups each time, while fans in the DC/Virginia/Maryland area bemoaned the seemingly endless curse of DC sports.
When I noticed that the Caps and Penguins were on yet another collision course in this year’s NHL Playoffs, I talked a few times with a close friend who is an actual hockey fan, and a Caps fan no less. And as a DC sports enthusiast, he’s pretty much been there, done that as far as the low expectations for sports teams in DC, regardless of their records or the hype. Whether it’s the Redskins, Nationals, Wizards or Capitals, we’ve all seen them ascend to contention, only to fall from grace, perpetuating the stereotype with each crushing defeat.
We basically talked about how it was about to be another year, another Caps jobbing to the Penguins, and to prematurely begin engraving the Stanley Cup with this year’s Penguins personnel. And then the Penguins went on to win game 1 of the best of seven, further reinforcing the feeling of déjà vu of another Caps shortcoming and another DC sports team, collapsing.
In fact, I even left a note for myself in my topics/drafts file that I jot down little notes and ideas for brog posts, to write about how the Capitals are basically the leaders of DC sports shortcomings, since they’ve been consistently good for practically the last decade, but their sheer inability to overcome a single tormentor in spite of numerous tries, just seemed so fittingly appropriate. And I was going to use for the photo for the post, of this car I once saw up in Virginia that had a vanity plate on their car that simply said “F CROSBY,” since fewer things seemed more appropriate for a post about DC sports loser than the sour grapes of a bitter fairweather fan.
But then that’s where I single-handedly, solely all-me, changed the fate of the world, and brought good fortune to the Washington Capitals. Much like The Family Guy Effect, where when the show acknowledges internet memes and other funny things, they completely loses all of its coolness and credibility, when I acknowledge an interesting topic and prepare to write about something that is contingent on a decision, the very opposite of what I need to happen in order to validate my topic, must happen.
And since I had full anticipation that the Capitals would once again job to the Penguins, all the way to the point where I had a post idea prepared, an image to use, and a clever introduction about how the last time the Capitals were Stanley Cup finals-caliber was in 1998, when I watched the Caps in their dorky blue and gold jerseys (above) get swept while I was working at Bertucci’s, trying to save up money for Anime Expo 1998, the very opposite had to occur.
Yes, I deserve credit for the Washington Capitals overcoming the Pittsburgh Penguins. God damn it.
Frankly, I assumed that the Caps would be so overjoyed by beating the Penguins, they’d go on and immediately choke in the conference finals. But they didn’t, and then suddenly they’re in the Stanley Cup Finals, 20 years after the aforementioned sweep in 1998. Naturally, they’d get swept in the Finals, so that the loss and disappointment could be that much worse, continuing on the curse of DC sports.
The next thing I know, the Capitals are up 3-1 in the series, and suddenly I’m seeing the typical dread of DC sports fans turning into cautious anticipation. Not the least bit surprising, legions of people couldn’t be getting on the bandwagon fast enough, with people all over social media trying their best to look like long-time fans despite the fact that we all know they have no idea who Peter Bondra or Olaf Kolzig are.
And it intrigued me to where even I watched the clincher, fully expecting the Capitals to lose, now being watched by me, starting the ball rolling for an unprecedented Golden Knights rally, and a historic comeback that would concurrently create the first-ever first-year expansion team winning the Stanley Cup, coming back from a 1-3 series deficit, and most importantly, continuing the curse of DC sports.
But the conditions were just too monumental for the Golden Knights, and the Capitals finished their job and accomplished what a Washington team hadn’t been able to do since like Mark Rypien-led Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1991.* The DC sports curse had officially been lifted.
*a cursory glance shows the 1997 Washington Mystics won the WNBA championship, but much like how Seattle conveniently forgot that their NBA won two championships before the Seahawks won the Super Bowl, proclaiming them as the first Seattle championship, I think I can be forgiven for the overlook. Plus nobody gives a shit about the WNBA, including women
For the record, I am happy for those that are made happy by the Capitals winning the Stanley Cup. As for the Caps themselves, I really don’t care, because I’m not a hockey fan. There’s a petty part of me that would dare to say that the curse hadn’t been lifted, because hockey is a fourth-tier sport, but that is subjective and holds no weight in the bigger spectrum of sport.
I’m happy for my friend who is actually a hockey fan and a Capitals fan, because after all of the sports fan turmoil we’ve witnessed each other go through in our lives, he can say that he’s seen a Washington team bring home a championship, and I’ll now hold the trump card over him when we go off on our sports fan pity parties over who’s city has it worse between us. Because let’s be real here, with the Cleveland Cavaliers winning a championship a few years back, and the fucking Philadelphia Eagles winning a Super Bowl this year, is there really any doubt on the planet that Atlanta isn’t the saddest sports town now??
You’re welcome, Washington. It was all me.
And this is probably the last time I’ll talk about hockey in a very, very long time. I imagine this post is the equivalent of trying to listen to Stephen A. Smith talk about baseball or anything that doesn’t involve race-baiting.
