While mythical wife and I were down at Disney for #1’s birthday, we earmarked one evening to go see Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Hollywood Studios. Paid for the lightning lanes, made reservations at Oga’s, etc. Capitalize on one evening away from parenting to see something with a monumental amount of hype behind it.
Now I like Star Wars just fine. I’ll admit I’ve soured over the last few years because the fandom of the property has become insufferable and taints everything the IP produces, and I’m over other fans and the property itself at invalidating my fandom because I happened to really like all of the novella in the past, like Timothy Zahn and Kevin J. Anderson’s respective trilogies.
But I like Star Wars enough to watch all the movies and Disney+ originals with expediency, and enjoy them as is without even trying to entertain the idea of seeing what others have to think on the internet. It works out best that way.
So I was looking forward to visiting Galaxy’s Edge, mostly to ride the new rides, as well as hoping I could maybe find some place that might sell reprints of the storyboard sketches from The Mandalorian or Book of Boba Fett.
Conditions were great to have a good first impression; the Florida evening was not hot and not was rather pleasant. The lightning lane mythical wife paid for would help us avoid oppressive lines, and the park itself wasn’t stupid crowded, going right at closing.
Sure, there were like 97 Star Wars Kids all flailing their egregiously priced custom lightsabers all over the place but that was almost to be expected when I learned that there was a place that people could build custom lightsabers.
That practically had a velvet rope in front of, that required reservations for the honor to blow your money, and I guess I don’t like Star Wars that much at this juncture in my life to want one myself.
Anyway, the first ride which I don’t remember off the top of my head and I don’t feel like interrupting my writing flow to look up, but the one where a bunch of people play different roles in flying a ship, that was alright. It felt like a modernized, Star Wars skinned version of that one ride that used to be at Epcot where you drove a tank and it pushed you into your seats with sheer g-force. I got to be the Y-axis pilot, and I think I did a fairly okay job of not letting the ship crashing too many times. I bet it would be fun to be the weapons people, because all you do is spam unlimited ammo and try to shoot things.
Walking around the “scene” was very cool, in the sense that a great amount of effort was made in set design to make it feel like you were like in Tattooine or something, I have no fuckin clue to what the actual setting is supposed to be. I wish we were there a little bit earlier in the day so that the stores would actually have remained open for us to have actually bought any souvenirs, but we’ll get back to that in a sec.
So Rise of the Resistance, which is supposedly the main attraction of the whole thing, mythical wife and I had our lightning lane pass, which probably saved us around 60 minutes wait time, and we beelined far ahead of everyone else. It starts off really cool and immersive, and I can feel the potential of the story of the ride as it starts off. And then we’re captured, and an Imperial officer comes on and tells everyone to get off the ship, and you’re looking at a hangar full of storm troopers, and I’m thinking whoa, this is pretty fuckin cool.
But then the line ceases to move, and unlike when it’s just a clog of humanity and it’s just a queue that needs to move, it turns out that the ride basically broke down. We actually became literal prisoners in the scenario, because it took 45 minutes for the operations crew to declare it a wash and to send people on their way, pissed off and with there likely being no way to get any sort of adequate compensation because Disney doesn’t have to give anyone compensation because we’re all fucking sheep whom if we don’t come, then a ka-billion other people will in our place.
Mind you it’s regular park closing time when this occurs, so by the time we’re back outside, everything in the entire park is closed, including any of the shops we were hoping to maybe get some souvenirs for our kids for.
Needless to say, I’m very disappointed in the whole situation, because this was literally our final night on the trip, and we would be up less than six hours later to make our morning flight. We went to Oga’s Cantina despite the fact that I probably would’ve preferred not going, but we had reservations and had made it this far, might as well go.
To its credit, it’s a really cool setting, although I have no idea who Oga or the general narrative of this cantina is supposed to be and why it’s so popular among Star Wars tryhards. All I know is that cool setting aside, it cost me $13 for what was basically a Killian’s Irish Red, but that’s Disney for you.
Overall, my first impression of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was shit. Didn’t get to ride the main attraction, drinks at Oga’s were overpriced, even for Disney standards, and unsurprising, it’s not even close to delivering on the hype that people have blown into it since it was announced.
Eventually, something else will emerge that will supplant Galaxy’s Edge, and if I had to guess, it’ll probably be related to Marvel, and then soon, Star Wars will be like the new Avatar, which everyone has apparently already forgotten about, despite it still being a tremendously beautiful experience over at Animal Kingdom. Maybe when that happens, I’ll appreciate going over to Galaxy’s Edge a little bit more, but until then, the first impression is a great big fucking meh-burger.
