League of Lobby, volume 5

Every now and then while playing League of Legends, you’ll have the unfortunate circumstance of getting paired up with a player or players, that simply don’t show up to play, in spite of the fact that they took the time to queue up and give the impression that they were going to play the game. Just about every LoL player on the planet has dealt with this unfortunate situation, and despite the fact that on occasion, a gallant undermanned victory does occur, most of the time, the team with the missing player(s) usually end up on the side of defeat.

In the latest volume of the League of Lobby, my friends and I were in a game in which the opposing team was missing a player; notably, the person they probably believed was going to be their tank, whose job would have been to be a walking wall of health, meant to distract, interfere, obstruct, agitate, and be a general pain in the ass. They never showed up, whether it was due to shitty internet service, or my favorite belief, that their mom had kicked in their bedroom door, and forcibly removed the player from the keyboard.

Usually, in these types of games, there’s kind of this unwritten/unspoken etiquette from the fully-staffed team, that you try and end the game as quickly and mercifully as possible; after all, it’s never fun being on the side with the AFK’er. If you’re the full team, you don’t goof off too much, you don’t spam all chat with taunts or any cocky speak, and in the likelihood you win, usually a cursory “sorry for the AFK’er” remark of some sort. The short-staffed team will make as much effort as they feel they can win, but in most cases, being a man/woman down is usually a bad obstacle that ultimately snuffs out most rallies and attempts.

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League of Lobby, volume 4

No, I did not neglect to change out the character silhouette. It just so happened that another Lux player who went off the handle.

I knew this was eventually going to happen, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon, honestly. But in this edition of League of Lobby, the rager just so happened to be on the winning team, that I was thankful to be a part of, because I like to win, and it’s a safe bet that many of these won’t frequently come out of losing efforts, because regardless of the gg’s I may type, I’m usually disappointed after a loss, and wish not to engage people in the post-lobby.

Regardless, contextually, our team won on the strength of two AD carries, and TANKLU played by yours truly. We also had a Lux, who is about one of the easiest characters to use in an ARAM game, and a Zac player who was a little too timid to do his job and absorb punishment, in spite of his 4,000+ hit points. Regardless, we won the match, but our Lux didn’t take so kindly to some criticism in her direction in the midst of the game, like imploring her to not stand in Karthus’s defiled earth, or follow directly in the poison smoke of Singed.

Instead of trying to logically argue, or admit their shortcomings, they did the next most natural response: fight back with vitriol. And might I once again state, that we’re all on the winning team.

Welcome to the League of Lobby!

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League of Lobby, volume 3

This one’s a pretty short transcript, because everyone was so ragey, but I still figured it could be salvaged into the third edition of the League of Lobby; where only the toughest of the tough emerge from the muck of the exalted classy Riot community, to talk all the smack they’d be afraid to say in-game, where the watchful eyes of Riot and their peers in the tribunal could actually see them. So they take their frustrations to the blind safety of the post-match lobby, where the stars (asterisks) really begin to fly.

Context: It’s One For All: Mirror Mode at this point (AKA every single player plays the same character) and in this particular game, everyone got Lux (a froo-froo girly weezard), which was actually what most of my friends and I had voted for. She’s typically of the mage ranks, so her basic strategy is to increase the strength of her magic spells, and nuke enemies into oblivion.

When the opposing team noticed that one of us was immediately foregoing offensive items, and going defensive, they decided to throw down the gauntlet, and declare that person (jen) a “try hard” for daring to use her brain to attempting to get the upper hand against five of the exact same opponent. Naturally, this puzzled us, as typically the point of a match is to utilize the concept of “strategy” and try and best your opponents. Regardless, we immediately questioned their illogical frustration at us attempting to strategize a winning tactic.

And figure that, our strategy worked, and we won the match. Naturally, they were exemplary sports, and wished us good game.

Just kidding, they, rather one of them, was pissed off. Welcome to the League of Lobby!

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League of Lobby, volume 2

I didn’t think it would happen again so soon, but I guess it’s naive of me to have thought that poor behavior over the internet, much less while playing League of Legends, wasn’t bound to happen again at the drop of a hat. Needless to say, it brings great amusement to me, when people are willing to banter a little bit after a hard-fought match, and it’s apparently means for good brog content when things go bad; and since the flaw with the LoL community is that post-match lobbies are not monitored and logged by Riot, it’s the setting in which everyone feels comfortable saying everything they wouldn’t say under the watchful eye of big brother; which basically means horrible, intending-to-hurt and just plain bad things until the cows come home.

Laying down a little bit of groundwork – in matches in which someone begins to feel confident that victory is all but a sure thing, people tend to take to the all-chat function to typically make passive-aggressive remarks that exude arrogant cockiness. I don’t really care much for it, but pretty much everyone does it from time to time. Hypocritical of me to say, I’ve done it numerous times too, it’s just something that happens when nerds are engaged in competition, and the means to communicate with your opponents is present.

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A harrowing glimpse into the leaders of tomorrow

Typically, whenever we play League of Legends, win or lose, there’s not a whole lot of banter in the post-game lobby unless there are some legit praise to be given out, or some trash talking that must continue beyond the end result. Usually, it’s the fake and hollow “good game” remarks, portrayed by the simple “gg” letters. Leaving without saying anything, if you’re on the losing side is immediately interpreted as being butthurt about losing, akin to the ever-entertaining ragequit.

The following is a partial transcript from a post-game lobby following a victory, with my friends Allison and Shane bantering with members from the losing team who relentlessly tried to get us to play a rematch against them, which we declined because there was no point. It’s eventually revealed that these guys are all friends, unlike the happenstance of being matched up with strangers in LoL, and like the all-knowing teenagers of tomorrow, go ahead and surrender their actual ages, which is more or less, 16.

These are the guys that will eventually be the vast majority of America’s workforce in about 10 years. Try not to jump off any cliffs out of the realization of depression after reading this.

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Treadmill selection etiquette

When it comes to selecting a treadmill to run on at the gym, it’s my belief that it’s very similar to that of selecting a urinal in the men’s room.  In other words, choose the treadmill furthest from another human being, and at the very least, leave a gap of at least one treadmill in between people.  The gaps are to be filled when there are no other options available, and even then, try and find the treadmill between at least one attractive woman.

Yes, I’m aware that my rationale and decision to write about something to trite and petty makes me sound psychotic, but these are thoughts that genuinely swirl through my head, when I’m on treadmill #17 out of 25 available, and in spite of the fact that pretty much 1-10 were completely unoccupied, two grown men insisted on using #16 and #18.

This, I do not believe, is in the least bit cool.

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Sometimes I feel like Bill from King of the Hill

There was once an episode of King of the Hill somewhere in the 13th season, where the non-Hank plot of the episode was that Peggy, Dale and Minh realized that Bill was the perfect representation of the every man in the United States, and basically that anything he liked was worth putting some chips into on the stock market. Discreetly, of course. After a while, the troika began to make some money on stock market, and started to enjoy some of the luxuries that an influx of cash provides.

Eventually, it slips to Bill that he’s the guinea pig to them, and once made aware that his decisions had impact on others, the talent of inadvertently picking stock market winners vanishes as he becomes overly self-conscious of the things he likes, and the troika not only starts tanking at the stock market, they ultimately lose all their luxuries in the process and come back to zero.

Now there’s absolutely nothing to be proud of in comparing myself to Bill Dauterive, because in the show’s hierarchy, he’s the world’s biggest loser, in spite of his unknown wealthy background, fluency in Cajun French, and numerous talents, hidden because he’s the show’s punching bag. But in context of this post, I do feel like I can sometimes relate in being somewhat of an everyman.

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