Now that’s what I’m talking about

Complain about there being nothing noteworthy to write about, and the world shall provide – a truck carrying 40,000 lbs. of chicken manure tips over on busy Atlanta highway

Yes, a truck full of literal chicken shit has spilled onto the highway, and that’s apparently far more interesting to me than the usual dregs of well-beaten topics in the news otherwise.

No, this does not get added to the highway buffet of things spilled onto Georgia highways, because what kind of sick fuck would remotely consider eating the dung of chickens?  For the matter, why does chicken shit require the necessity to be transported in the first place?  Shouldn’t the farms or plants in which the chickens are producing it have some way to dispose of it?

Is it like bats, where if there’s so much shit present at once it can essentially become toxic?

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Well you don’t often see that on Nextdoor regularly

Dead body on highway I-75/I-85 North-Old National bridge

Dead body??  Shit, I mean, Nextdoor is a pretty active online portal for people who like to gossip and meddle around in other peoples’ business as well as go off to the extreme on trite details.  And admittedly, for no other reason than the aforementioned things is precisely why I still have my Nextdoor account to my old neighborhood, because just about every single day, something is posted that validates my decision to move when I did, and is a constant reminder of just how good it was that we moved when we did.

Usually, and I know, because I keep a written record of all the asinine headlines, things are often revolving around suspicious persons in the neighborhood, bitching about the HOA, or the unfortunate amounts of crime present in the hood.

But dead bodies now??  Shiiiit.

Naturally, I wanted to find out the context of this supposed dead body, and sure enough, the news was thankfully on it; I mean, on the south side of the Metro Atlanta area, it’s usually a Christmas miracle when any modicum of media actually goes down there for anything other than the airport, or some super tragic crime. 

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Draconian Punishments: driving with cell phones

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been driven to my wit’s end because of people constantly driving around while distracted by their cell phones.  It doesn’t seem to matter that such behavior is classified as illegal and ticketable by a police officer, but the reality is that there simply aren’t enough cops out there monitoring for this shitty behavior, and they’d most likely be disinterested in ticketing people for cell phone use when there’s speeders and even more reckless drivers on the road to keep vigil for.

At least once a day for the last few weeks, I’ve identified situations where I’ve nearly been merged into, witnessed someone absent-mindedly drive into a potentially harmful situation, or simply not gone on a light-turned green, if not multiple of the above.  My favorite (read: the shit that infuriates me the most) are the people whom you can see their heads dipped down, as the foot comes off the gas when their eyes leave the road, and they slow to dangerously slow speeds while they check something on their phones, and then resume driving like a retard when they realize they need to pay attention to the fucking road again.

Needless to say, I have laid down on my horn on nearly a daily basis, and I’m absolutely sick and tired of people on the roads who can’t seem to get the fuck off their cell phones.  Such doesn’t change much on people outside of their cars, but at least the repercussions of their idiocy aren’t necessarily potentially lethal (as much).

Regardless, the only way that this behavior is ever going to improve is to integrate draconian punishments for those caught violating the rules.  Fear of tickets and fines aren’t good enough, as it feels like 80% of drivers are still content to drive around with their eyes anywhere but the essential view ahead of them, so I think we the world, need to change things up.

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Now this is a tragic spill

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen in Georgia, so it can’t be the mother of food payload spills, but it still warrants a few words, just because of how tragic it is.  But a truck full of DiGiorno and Tombstone frozen pizzas tipping over and spilling its delicious cargo all over the highway?  That’s a god damn shame.

Seriously though, I’ve often waxed poetic about the sequence of trucks spilling on Georgia highways making some sort of mythical banquet, but just about every combination of things from Georgia’s list would pale in comparison to a gigantic, Cici’s Buffet-caliber buffet of frozen pizzas.

Because pizzas are among the world’s most perfect foods, encapsulating everything into a fairly compact and often well-combined entrée, and considering no utensils are necessary, once you get the pizzas, all you really need are occasional beverages.

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Add sour rancid milk to the list

Worse than carcasses: truck carrying 48,000 gallons of milk crashed and overturned on GA-316 involving several other cars and trucks, causing numerous injuries

It has been hot and humid as hell lately.  I’m not sure whether or not it’s at all record-setting, a fact that I’ve pretty much been endlessly working on things involving a lot of physical movement, or a combination of all of the above, but it’s been hot, humid and miserable as shit over this summer.

That being said, if there was absolutely anything at all that would be a miserable truck-full-of-food-spill, milk would undoubtedly have to be at the top of that list.

On its own, milk is already a volatile, diarrhea-inducing agent, now imagine it spilled all over the roads, baking into the surfaces under the hot and miserable Georgia sun?  Rapidly souring, going rancid, and cooking its way into the asphalt and soil.  Bacteria growing like a petri dish, and the sharp odor soon to emanate from everything that the shit spilled all over.

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Would love to cross-reference this with demographic data

Impetus: Kars 4 Kids conducts survey to determine grades of courtesy of all 50 United States

I came across this article that declared Georgia amongst the rudest drivers in America, so I was curious to what the criteria actually entailed.  Ultimately, the sample size was way, way, way too small at 2,500 correspondents considering the fact that the United States has a population of nearly 320 million, so I don’t think this is nearly that accurate of a survey.

Especially the ranking of Maryland, which somehow scrapes into the top-half of the spectrum as “friendlier” drivers, because the reality is that Maryland has some of the worst drivers on the planet who would rather let entire third-world nations die of genocide before letting you merge in front of them.

However, it’s still not entirely inaccurate either, and despite the strokes being very wide and broad, it’s still entertaining to see the obvious correspondence with stuff like population densities and demographics in relation to how certain places graded.

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Oh, Georgia #607

Impetus: Macon gas station runs promotion where cash buyers could get regular unleaded for 99¢ a gallon, resulting in massive lines, long waits, frustrated customers and ultimately police intervention

A few years ago, I went up to visit my parents, and I was driving around running some errands with my dad.  His tank was running low, so he said he needed to get gas, and proceeded to go to a station that he preferred, because it was the cheapest place.  We arrive at the gas station, and it’s an eight-pump station that is in fact ten cents cheaper than everywhere else, but every single pump is occupied, and there were a few other cars precariously circling the premises like a hungry shark stalking an opening.

My dad said that this was the norm.  I said that if he’s really hard up on the dollar he’ll save by going to this station as opposed to the numerous alternatives surrounding the area, I’d be happy to give him a dollar to go somewhere else.  Since I was the one driving anyway, we went to the Shell station down the street that was completely open, filled up, and was right back on track doing our own things, as opposed to joining the feeding frenzy at the cheap station, risking road rage, headache and fender benders all in the sake of saving, a literal dollar for ten gallons of unleaded.

Time, is worth more than money.  Piece of mind, is also worth more than money.  Definitively, for both.  And it astounds me that there are people that don’t seem to understand this.

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