Over the last few weeks, I’ve been driven to my wit’s end because of people constantly driving around while distracted by their cell phones. It doesn’t seem to matter that such behavior is classified as illegal and ticketable by a police officer, but the reality is that there simply aren’t enough cops out there monitoring for this shitty behavior, and they’d most likely be disinterested in ticketing people for cell phone use when there’s speeders and even more reckless drivers on the road to keep vigil for.
At least once a day for the last few weeks, I’ve identified situations where I’ve nearly been merged into, witnessed someone absent-mindedly drive into a potentially harmful situation, or simply not gone on a light-turned green, if not multiple of the above. My favorite (read: the shit that infuriates me the most) are the people whom you can see their heads dipped down, as the foot comes off the gas when their eyes leave the road, and they slow to dangerously slow speeds while they check something on their phones, and then resume driving like a retard when they realize they need to pay attention to the fucking road again.
Needless to say, I have laid down on my horn on nearly a daily basis, and I’m absolutely sick and tired of people on the roads who can’t seem to get the fuck off their cell phones. Such doesn’t change much on people outside of their cars, but at least the repercussions of their idiocy aren’t necessarily potentially lethal (as much).
Regardless, the only way that this behavior is ever going to improve is to integrate draconian punishments for those caught violating the rules. Fear of tickets and fines aren’t good enough, as it feels like 80% of drivers are still content to drive around with their eyes anywhere but the essential view ahead of them, so I think we the world, need to change things up.
Sure, it would be easy enough for me to just fall back onto the usual death penalty that I often deem the appropriate fix-all answer to bad behavior, but there’s a part of me that thinks I might try to write more than one of these kinds of posts, and if they all resulted in death penalties, then there would be no real reason to write or read these things.
So, let’s just go with dismemberment. Chop off hands, and make it physically impossible to be on your cell phone while driving, while simultaneously being able to steer the wheel. Fucking chop off the hand that is caught holding the cell phone, and let them live with their consequences for breaking the god damn law.
Man can drive with one hand, easily. I know this because I drive a stick shift, and driving with one hand is a way of life for me. Sure, cell phone violators with a hand chopped off would never be able to do the same, but it’s not like 90% of the driving world aren’t already pussies who don’t know how to drive sticks as it is, so that part isn’t that severe of a drawback.
However, it would be a drawback to y’know, be missing an entire hand, because of one’s inability to actually separate themselves from their fucking phones, while in operation of a motor vehicle. Because that shit has repercussions beyond just driving, and I sure as shit don’t want to be missing a hand when I’m at a computer, trying to lift weights, or doing anything that is better done with two hands rather than one.
But seriously, the threat of losing one’s hand if getting caught using a cell phone while driving just might actually deter people from using their cell phones while driving. Like if you’re pulled over by a cop for driving distracted, there is no ticket, there is no court date. The cop just pulls out a Dothraki arakh, slams your arm flat onto the side of your car, and chops off your hand, right then and there. No regards for any blood stains, or body damage to person or vehicle. They will however, be allowed to cauterize your wound and make sure you don’t go into shock from your deserved punishment.
Sure the punishment is brutal, and there would be some severe repercussions with false accusations confirmed as false, but if such extreme measures existed to deter haphazard cell phone usage, then it would certainly work. Hell, cops would probably get sadistic pleasure out of the exercise, and it might promote them to actually keep vigil and pay more attention to the legions of shitty distracted drivers already on the roads.
No more cell phones while driving from there on out. Problem solved!
