Tag: basketball

Man, What A Stupid Commercial #010

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Synopsis: in a game between the Heat and the Thunder, Kevin Durant is slashing through the lane, and is thinking about throwing down a boomshakalaka. Amidst his drive, Dwyane Wade breaks off his cover to challenge Durant, and when Durant takes off, he is met with a Mutombo-like rejection at the rim. Instantaneously, Kevin Durant snaps awake because IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM.

But the dream was real enough to inspire Kevin Durant to embark on a Gatorade-sponsored training montage, where he does every single lift and exercise he possibly can do, while pounding Gatorade products in between.

Eventually, an actual Heat/Thunder game is taking place, and there’s two minutes left, and the Heat are up by two. Kevin Durant has the ball and is bringing it up the court, and is thinking about rectifying a dreamed reality. He cuts and slashes into the lane, and is thinking boomshakalaka. Dwyane Wade sees what’s going on, and breaks off his man, and goes to challenge Durant. Both men go up, but this time, all the Gatorade-sponsored training has paid off, and Kevin Durant takes Dwyane Wade to poster city.

But then Dwyane Wade snaps awake because THAT WAS JUST A DREAM TOO.

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The importance of storming the court

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

So while I watching the latest upset of Duke the other night, as the seconds and minutes ticked down, and Duke hadn’t made a barrage of three pointers and Mason Plumlee dunks to cut the gap and overtake the lead, all I could think of was if UVA was going to storm the court when they won. Considering the fact that NC State, Miami and Maryland had all stormed court after beating Duke, and that UVA hadn’t beaten Duke in like forever, so the answer was pretty obvious. Naturally when the final horn sounded, UVA stormed the court as everyone and their mother relished at the sight of Coach K and Duke walking off the court in failure and disappointment.

Seldom is there a Duke loss on the road that doesn’t involve the home fans storming the court. According to the WSJ, an astounding 80% of the home team fans have stormed the court following an upset over Duke over the span of the last ten years. In fact, the article is a little dated and doesn’t factor in the wins of Miami, Maryland and Virginia into the equation so it’s now a little bit more. Obviously, my favorite one is the one shown above, but it really doesn’t matter who it is in the end; everyone on the planet that did not go to Duke loves to see Duke’s men’s basketball team lose on the road and seeing their opponents’ fans storming the court in celebration. I’m pretty sure people would be okay if Duke lost to the Soviets in 1972 and Soviet fans stormed the court, to be perfectly honest.

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Imagine eSports playing sports games

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Yeah, I know I take a lot of time and use a lot of words to criticize professional gaming, but really it is very silly to me, and I have a hard time grasping that it’s become so big.  It’s watching people, playing video games; sure it takes talent, but I could watch people playing video games in lots of places.  And based on the frequency in which I see ads for “whatever regional world championship tournament” when I’m playing LoL, it’s hard to imagine that any one particular title has any meaning.

But the funniest thing for me is when I see pictures of the tournaments, and they’ve got these pretty grandiose graphic treatments, and they try to present the matches as if they were like an actual sport.  Out of all of the live graphics that they use, none of them stands out more to me than when a LoL tournament goes to the effort to present a startling lineup card, much like it would be in an NBA or an NCAA game, since it’s five starters.

And then it got me thinking about how LoL positions would compare to basketball positions.  I would use the analogies as such:

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Why can’t NBA players make free throws?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I watched an NBA game while I was eating lunch the other day, because for whatever reason, Moloch Day seemed like an appropriate time to have afternoon specials of NBA basketball. Either way, it was the fourth quarter of a fairly close game between the Pacers and the Grizzlies, where anywhere every single field goal seemed essential. That being said, there was about a four minute stretch where neither team scored.

It had nothing to do with guys getting any bad luck with open shots, or layups rimming out unluckily, it was just a bunch of overpaid primadonnas throwing up brick after brick, with teammates open, while being defended, or opting for ill-advised fadeaways. But the best part about this four minute stretch was that during this time, five free throws were attempted between the two team with the Pacers shooting two, and the Grizzlies shooting two, and one technical shot being taken by the Pacers. All five of the free throws were misses, including the completely uncontested technical.

This seemingly endless slope of degrading free throw shooting throughout the course of the NBA never fails to baffle me how something so easy is so difficult to do, for the supposed greatest basketball players on the planet. I mean, free throws are completely uncontested shots; no defender trying to bump you, reaching up to block the ball, or even put a hand in your face. It’s just the player, 15 feet away from the hoop, with ten seconds to concentrate and shoot a completely unopposed shot; the fact that it’s called a free throw indicates to just how easy it really should be.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #003

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ll be honest; the message in this commercial is a good one, and I will agree that the world could use some more positive messages. But the scenario used in the commercial couldn’t be any more further from any fathomable truth that could potentially happen in this little place we all live in, called the real fucking world. And for that reason, this commercial definitely warrants the designation as certainly being a stupid commercial.

It’s the championship game, and tensions are high. The protagonist, Alex’s team is down in the waning seconds, but a late score closes the gap to one. On the ensuing play, Alex’s team employs the full court press, and they successfully harass an opposing player into flinging a haphazard pass, which is supposedly touched by the guy that Alex was guarding. The referee awards the ball to Alex’s team, and his teammates and the crowd are going nuts because now they have a chance to win the game. Alex’s team calls timeout, so they can put together a play to try and win the game. And this is where the unbelievable fiction comes into play.

Alex becomes overwhelmed by his conscience, and he admits to having being the one who correctly tipped the ball out of bounds, and that the ref had made a mistake, clearly. As he fesses up to his teammates, his teammates give him the WTF treatment, and essentially tell him to shut the fuck up. The coach caves into Alex’s moral dilemma, and tells his team to prepare to play defense, and for Alex to go correct the ref. As the team disperses, the teammates all incredulously mock thank Alex for throwing the game, making Alex rightfully feel like a shithead. The coach, repressing his own feelings off being a dickface, shows pity on Alex and tells him that he did the right thing, making Alex feeling all warm and fuzzy, but still a shithead.

“Sportsmanship”. Yeah, my ass.

Here’s what would happen in the real world.

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Best dream ever

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Huzzard and I are at an arcade, playing on a broken NBA Jam machine.  Along comes former NBA player/great white hope Bryant Reeves and some unknown person, and they challenge Huzzard and I to a game.  We choose the Spurs and he chooses the Knicks, and in no time, we’re dominating the shit out of him like 41-11.  The game freezes on us, and before we can get bewildered and upset, these two kids show up, wanting to get Bryant Reeves’ autographs.  One of them was fat and one of them was small.  The fat one was the alpha amongst them.

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The NBA Slam Dunk contest is stupid

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

For obvious reasons, one or two of the televisions in the locker room at my gym is always on the NBA Network.  This week, they’ve been systematically broadcasting apparently every single year of the NBA’s dunk contest.  Recently, I got to thinking about just how stupid the dunk contest really is.

As much as I understand the appeal and occasional functionality of dunking, I can’t help but thinking that a contest of dunking without defenders, a clock or any resistance is pretty much the dumbest thing in the world.  And it gets worse with every single year, with players looking to add gimmicks, costumes and props to their foolish exhibitions in order to impress designated judges who assign scores based on, lord knows what.

And with each passing year, much as there are more crowd shots of other players and devastated fans, out of their seats, OHHHHing and making guttural sounds of approval at what they witnessed, there have been more and more people in the locker room glued to the televisions, making much of the same reactions.  And for what?  Guys that are taking a basketball, and doing whatever they can possible in the fractions of a second before they attempt to force it into an uncontested hoop.

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