Tag: basketball

Sometimes there is no funnier reality television than the NBA

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Somehow true: Portland Trail Blazers center Deandre Ayton misses game due to being unable to get to the arena on account of icy weather conditions

I’ve been following sports for pretty much all of my entire lucid life, and in all those years, this is honestly the first time that I’ve ever heard of a scenario where a player basically called out due to the weather.  This is the kind of shit that a college student says when they don’t want to get up for an 8 am class, or a shitty American babysitter says when they’re checked out.

But an NBA player?  Especially one who’s making $32M to play fucking basketball?  Mind blown.

Like, I’m sure because he’s mega rich, he lives a little bit in seclusion, because that’s what rich people tend to like to do.  And I know Portland is a weird place, in terms of people, as well as geography, and they’re kind of subject to the shitty weather conditions that afflict Seattle and the rest of the Pacific Northwest, but you’d think a go-zillionaire like an NBA player like Deandre Ayton would have some sort of contingency plan for icy roads.

Honestly, it’s not entirely on the player too, the team itself could’ve taken better preparation for this, like putting up him and other players in a baller hotel right near the arena or something if there was any indication that the weather was going to go tits up on game day.

Imagine if something like this occurred in the MJ era of the NBA?  Ayton would be destroyed by a Charles Oakley type of veteran meat mountain, on his own team as well as opponent.  Guys like Alonzo Mourning or Karl Malone would be all up his ass crack, giving him shit for having the audacity to miss a game due to icy roads.  He must live at Castle Black or something and the Kingsroad was just too coated with northern ice or something.

Whatever though, unsurprisingly the best part of this whole situation is the backlash it’s gotten on the internet, and when people collectively get mad at something, the clowns occasionally deliver some hilarious observations.  I think my favorites that I’ve seen so far are:

Pretty funny the Trail Blazers of all teams could not blaze a trail for DeAndre Ayton.

And then there was this one that is clearly familiar with Ayton’s game in general, and spun his joke to hilarious effect:

I realize Ayton couldn’t drive to the game, but perhaps he could have done several spin moves, each taking him slightly further from the rim to the game.

In all fairness though, as critical I feel towards the situation and carte blanche to criticize, I have to admit that sometimes, there’s fewer things more entertaining than the bullshit that comes from the NBA players themselves.  Between the Pistons trying their best to become the de facto worst team in league history, and clowns like Ayton calling out due to black guys ice, I can’t say I’ve paid more attention to the NBA in a long time.

I didn’t realize we were witnessing some sort of history

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Okay then: South Carolina’s women’s basketball team defeats Mississippi Valley, 101-19

A year or two ago, a friend of mine sent me a link to a stream of a high school girls basketball game, that a guy we went to high school with was coaching.  I clicked it out of curiosity, since this guy in question was one of those guys where nothing in the world ever seems to treat him particularly well, and my friend isn’t one to steer me to dud content, and when the stream began for me, I noticed that the score was like 31-3. 

I texted my friend and said that I thought that maybe the stream was broken or something, because the score seemed to be stuck at 31-3, but then I noticed in actual manual scoreboard in the video itself, which was still live and moving, and I had one of those ohhhhhh moments, because it turns out that the score was actually, 31-3.  Naturally, my friend’s boy was the coach of the team that had only put up three points, and we laughed heartily over the ownage we were witnessing, because we do love some good old fashioned ownage.

I don’t remember what the final score was, but I don’t think my friend’s boy’s team surpassed ten points.  I do remember watching on the stream that after the clock mercifully ended, he stormed immediately off the court; no handshaking the opposing coach, no handshake line between the two teams.

My in-laws are both sports fans as well as supporters of South Carolina sports, so when they were over during the holiday weekend, and while the girls were down for a nap/quiet time, we turned on the Lady Gamecocks since they were playing live at the time.  It was the third quarter, and the score was like 62-12, and I immediately had flashbacks to the high school game that my friend and I watched, and my first thought was that the ESPN feed was fucked up or something, and that the score was not refreshing maybe.

But it turned out that South Carolina really was wrecking Mississippi Valley that badly, and mythical wife, who is neither a fan of basketball or women’s hoops, began complaining of why we were watching at all, considering the game was long past over at this juncture.  I mean, I like a good blowout every now and then, but there’s no denying that it does get kind of boring after a while and both teams begin just going through the motions to get debacle over with.  I was more surprised that there was no running clock or something to speed things up, and prevent MSV from getting throttled even more than they were.

We turned the game off in after the third, because the margin was only getting worse, but then I would discover later on that South Carolina passed the 100-point mark which is very impressive at the college level, men or women, and that they blew out MSV by 82 points.

Now it’s not as easy as it should be, so I can’t figure out where in history that an 82-point blowout stands in rank.  I did find out that at one point, UConn reamed St. Francis in the Women’s tournament by a margin of 88 points, but beneath that was a whole lot sub-70 point blowouts, so South Carolina’s 82-point margin definitely is up there in the history books somewhere.

For context, the biggest ass-whooping in NBA history was 73 points, and in the NFL, a 59-0 blowout has occurred twice, so an 82-point beatdown is definitely noteworthy and worth some mention on the brog.  Regardless of where the margin lands in history, it’s still historic in the sense that 19 points allowed is a new school record, and is definitively the largest blowout in the Dawn Staley coaching era for the school, so it’s not inaccurate to say that we were witnessing a little bit of history after all.

An unprecedented level of ownage just went legendary

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The bar has been set: Marcus Jordan, son of Michael Jordan, wants dad to be his best man when he gets married . . . to Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife

About a year ago it came out that Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife was in a relationship with Marcus Jordan, the son of the greatest NBA player of all time, Michael Jordan.  I just figured ol’ Larsa was doing so a cerebrally petty means of attacking her ex, ol’ Stiffin’ Pippen, because they seemed to have had a fairly tumultuous and ugly public divorce. 

After all, there’s rebounding with a younger man, and then there’s rebounding with a younger man who also happens to be the son of your greatest frienemy/rival/man who overshadowed you your whole career/life, and considering all the nastiness that showed during their divorce, it didn’t seem like such a stretch that a gal like Larsa would do such a thing for no other reason.

Now whether it was a one-night stand gone wrong, a touching tale of true love to grow out of the pile of dog shit, or an orchestrated plot to try and make Scottie Pippen have sleep problems for the next decade, the relationship has evolved, and now Marcus and Larsa are apparently engaged and are planning to get married; and Marcus wants his dad, to the best man at his wedding.

Back when I found out about Marcus and Larsa’s relationship, I called it an unprecedented level of ownage, which still stands, but with them getting married, and the desire to have MJ as the best man, which he will more than likely do, that unprecedented level of ownage is about to become legendary.  A new lofty level of owange that will have a hard time ever being matched, much less surpassed.  One where even Patrick Ewing of all people would sit back and go, “damn, Scottie about to get owned.”

Not only did Larsa dump Scottie’s ass, she held onto his name because obviously she’s nothing without it, so that’s getting owned; she keeps the notoriety of being a Pippen without having to put up with Scottie’s bullshit and most likely the constant embarrassment of him being Stiffin’ Pippen whenever they went out to eat.  Then she hooks up with a younger man, and that younger man happens to be Marcus Jordan, the son of Michael Jordan, whom Scottie hasn’t been shy about turning full heel on over the last few years, and letting his true green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, so that’s getting owned to the unprecedented level.

But now they’re getting married, and if MJ has any semblance of knowledge of what it takes to be a good dad, he will undoubtedly be his best man, and when they undoubtedly and inevitably and have exorbitant wedding photos, it’s going to be Scottie’s ex-wife, with a younger man, AND Michael Jordan all looking at the camera and smiling, looking right back at Scottie.

It’s no secret how much MJ loves winning and owning others, and this undoubtedly counts as a severe and massive W for MJ, at the expense of Scottie.  And I’m not sure what would be sweeter, between all of this being basically payback for all of the bullshit Scottie had spouted in the media about MJ and their relationship, or the fact that throughout this whole journey, MJ really didn’t actually lift a finger the whole time, letting his son do all of the legwork, and being able to usurp the credit for the ownage solely by being Marcus’s dad.

Either way, at this point, I think it’s safe to say that Patrick Ewing can finally hand over the massively burdensome torch of being MJ’s biggest bitch over to Scottie Pippen, because I have no earthly idea on how this level of ownage can ever be surpassed.

돈ball

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Made in Korea: it’s discovered that talent in the Korean Basketball League have developed a system of converting high percentages of free throws across the league – the bank shot

Let me tell y’all just how much I love this story.  Most of my zero readers probably know just how much of a fan of Tim Duncan I was, with a large part of it being his reliance on the bank shot, so it should come as absolutely no surprise that this story gets me pumped up like nothing else, more so because it’s coming out of Korea.

Frankly, the only reason why bank shots are not utilized more in the most popular variants of basketball in Europe and America is simply the fact that “it’s not pretty” and is universally accepted as such, as if using the glass makes a basket count for less points.  A three-pointer is still worth three points whether it’s a high-arcing rainbow swish or a flat, zero spin clunk-clunk off of the glass.

But honestly this isn’t something that should be any surprise, because whether it’s a corner jumper from the wing, or from the free throw line, bank shots are designed to be high-percentage by utilizing geometry and physics to optimally a basketball through a hoop as safely and optimally as possible. 

Korea is obviously no powerhouse when it comes to the sport of basketball globally, but regardless, every Korean boy grows up thinking he can hoop and make it to the NBA.  Despite my dumpy prepubescent stature before hit my teenage years, there was no sport I loved more than basketball and I’m confident to say that I had a pretty decent jumper throughout the years in which I played a lot, but the point is basketball is still a distant runner-up when compared to the presence of baseball, soccer and even esports nationally.

That being said, with such low-presence, good for the Koreans for putting aside silly biases like the need to be aesthetic in exchange for improved efficiency and higher accuracy when it comes to shooting free throws.  And I love that they’ve found so much success with banking home a ton of free throws to the point where it’s gotten global attention, and opening up for discussion the validity of the technique, which of course, is best summed up with, why the fuck NOT consider the possibility of having struggling shooters try the bank out, especially if what they’re doing isn’t working?

I’ve touched on it before, but Shaq could have easily, easily eclipsed the vaunted 30,000 point milestone, had he been even just 5% better at shooting free throws in his career.  Here’s a guy that most definitely should have tried the glass at some point in his career, instead of chunking up the bricks that only went into the hoop at a career 54%.

And even LeBron James, as good as he, he’s still a career 73% free throw shooter; had he been able to reach even the 80% clip that both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant both exceeded, he would’ve passed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s scoring record nearly two seasons sooner.

I don’t disagree, bank shots aren’t pretty.  They’re ugly to watch, the clunk-clunk sound they make is goofy, and the way they explode the net and hang for a second before they fall through is unsightly.  Who doesn’t love the nice wet swish of a perfect shot, or when a Steph Curry bomb just pings the bottom of the back of the rim and barely moves the net at all?

I most certainly do, but there is one thing that I like more – scoring a lot of points.  And if an aversion to the glass solely because it’s just not as pretty is the only thing that stops me from scoring MJ points and keeps me in Jeff Hornacek scoring territory, I’m going to the bank seven days a week.

Like in so many walks of life, y’all can learn a lot from Korea.  It’s a culture obsessed with identifying ways to be more efficient, and it should come as zero surprise that they found and are exploiting a massive efficiency in the game of basketball, simply by sacrificing aesthetics for accuracy.  Because especially now and until the end of time, I don’t think there’s going to ever be another Mark Price who had both, the sweet shot and the deadeye accuracy at the stripe, so may as well start getting good at using the glass if we want to start evolving the game.

Never thought I’d ever see NBA Champion Denver Nuggets

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Originally, when I thought about writing about the Denver Nuggets, it was contingent that they actually won the NBA Championship before anything would be written about them.  I was going to write about being a millennial and seeing the strange sensation of seeing certain teams in major sports break through the wall of success and win a championship. 

But the more I did some cursory research on the history books, at least as far as being a millennial goes, MLB and the NFL doesn’t have nearly the parity as the NBA has had throughout, at least my lifetime.  Which is really strange to say about the NBA having parity, considering the seeming dynasties that have run rampant throughout my own lifetime, with the Bulls, Lakers, Spurs and Warriors all winning a ton of championships, but at the same time, the NBA has had more teams squirt through the cracks of history and win a championship, and break streaks of franchises to never be champions before.

Growing up, the NBA really was my first love as far as sports fandom went.  I was a big Knicks fan, but also a supporter of the Washington Bullets, and whenever the Knicks were bounced by the Chicago Bulls, I’d typically prefer to see them win over whoever emerged from the West.

That being said, during my own upbringing as an NBA fan, there were always certain teams that were always the doormats and/or the laughing stocks of the NBA.  The teams we never, ever wanted to play in a video game, the teams we always went ballistic whenever our favorite teams ever lost to them, if it ever happened, and the teams that were always forgotten about whenever talking about the league in general.

During this time, some of those teams were the Warriors, the Bucks, the Mavs, Cavs and of course, the Denver Nuggets.  Sure, at various points, some of those teams had some fairly successful seasons as far as win percentages go, but they were still never serious threats to win championships, usually being fodder for the Bulls, Lakers, Pistons and the Rockets.

I remember how weird it seemed when the Spurs broke through the glass ceiling and won their first championship.  I was resentful because I was a Knicks fan, and I chalked up the Spurs’ win to being a lockout shortened year, and how it shouldn’t really count.  But then they’d go on to win several more championships over the next decade, and truly cementing themselves as one of the all-time great teams.

The same could be said of when the Miami Heat broke into the upper echelon, even before LeBron James took his talents to South Beach and won two more championships, and the same was said when the Golden State Warriors not only reached the top of the mountain, they built a house on top of it, winning four championships and basically living in the NBA Finals for the better part of a decade.

However, aside from the teams that grew into dynasties, regardless of my casual, and only during the playoffs interest in the NBA, I’m always fascinated by the teams that sneak out a championship, seemingly, to me, out of nowhere.  Especially when they’re one of the teams that I grew up thinking would never, ever, in a million years, see a championship ascension, regardless that on a long enough timeline, everyone eventually has to win one of these days.

Continue reading “Never thought I’d ever see NBA Champion Denver Nuggets” →

Someone get the Minnesota Timberwolves a trophy

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

They avoided getting swept!  They may as well be NBA champions for demonstrating such guile and determination and defeating the mighty and championship pedigree of the Denver Nuggets to stave off elimination.

This, is the very definition of lowered expectations, and precisely the instance why I actually have a tag in my brog entitled “lowered expectations.”

Sometimes, the NBA is just so hilarious at how soft and silly it’s become over the decades.  There’s so much noise surrounding the entire league, that the actual act of playing hoops seems so almost tertiary.  It is entirely possible to get sucked up in the drama and storylines of an entire NBA season and not actually watch a single game.

But back to this hilarious screen grab, it’s perfect on so many levels:

  • First, it’s not even remotely accurate that the Timberwolves avoided getting swept for the first time in franchise history; back when the playoffs were still best-of-five, the Wolves were swept in both 1997 and 2002, but the NBA for some reason likes to disregard the BO5 era unless it’s in support of whatever narrative they’re phishing for.
  • They act like the Wolves getting swept would be some sort of monumental history or something; Minnesota isn’t an OG NBA franchise, having come into the league in the 1990 expansion, but in 30+ years, they’ve only made the playoffs 11 times. That’s literally 33% of the franchise’s existence they’ve gotten into the playoffs, and of those 11 times, only once have they gotten out of the first round, and that was Kevin Garnett’s MVP season.  Otherwise, the Minnesota Timberwolves are definition of a middling pretender that may never actually win an NBA championship ever.
  • Rudy Gobert being in the frame is like the cherry on top, because I can’t say that I follow the NBA much, but whenever I do hear about the NBA, Rudy Gobert’s name has come up a surprising amount, and it’s almost never in a good context. This is the guy that was the league’s Patient Zero when COVID started, but not only did he deny coronavirus, the guy dared the world to give it to him, and he made a spectacle of rubbing microphones and tried his best to get it, and by golly did he succeed.  As soon as he tested positive, the NBA shut down shortly thereafter.  Oh, and just a few weeks ago, the Wolves ended their season with Gobert getting into a fight… with a teammate.  Real smart guy, that Rudy Gobert is

Whatever though, let’s hear it for the Minnesota Timberwolves for winning the NBA Championship after 33 long years of operation staving off getting swept because they’re totally going to be the first franchise in NBA history to ever come back from an 0-3 series deficit, and that statistic, is very much factual with no asterisks or caveats.  Maybe the Wolves can build on this grandiose achievement, and perhaps in 22 more years, get knocked out of the first round in game six instead.  Progress!

The ownage just never seems to end for Patrick Ewing

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Oof: after a 75-109 record over the last six years, Patrick Ewing will not be returning to coach the Georgetown Hoyas

You know, back when the news broke that Patrick Ewing was going to become the new head coach for Georgetown, I actually thought hmm, this might actually lead to something interesting with the Hoyas.  After all, Ewing had spent the better part of the last 10+ years as an assistant coach in the NBA, even if Michael Jordan was cockblocking him repeatedly from getting a head coach position, surely he would have some experience and merit now and have something to contribute to someone.

And being the Georgetown legend he is, who better else to make a union with than his alma mater that he led to a National Championship back in 1984?  He’s still an NBA legend, and often times, young, impressionable prospects tend to look up to former players, especially with the pedigree of a Patrick Ewing.  I thought that maybe Ewing could usher in a new generation to Georgetown, where his name could easily boost recruiting, and maybe we’d see a new era of college hoops where the big man reigned supreme once again.

Well, we certainly did see a different era of Georgetown basketball over the last years, under the tutelage of Patrick Ewing; one of colossal failure, unfulfilled expectations, and save for one freakish Big East championship run out of nowhere, just a whole lot of what Patrick Ewing has been best known for: getting owned.

How naïve of me, or blindly optimistic I was to think that Patrick Ewing would deliver anything else.

Seriously, Georgetown was always one of those teams where their name alone could draw some recognition.  John Thompson, Jr. built a program whose reputation alone probably won more games than they should have, where the reputation alone boosted performance long after the level of talent probably existed there.  Thompson III continued a fairly consistently good program when he took the reigns in 2004.  They were pretty much always a lock to be in the NCAA tournament, and just about every time I saw their name in the bracket, I’d at least give them a win in the first round, because usually they were reliable for at least that much.

I can’t say I blame the Hoyas for going in the direction of Patrick Ewing, being an NBA legend as well as a John Thompson product, but man did they ever whiff on colossal proportions with that choice.  75-109 is pretty horrendous, and that doesn’t illustrate some of his more punctuated lowlights, like where there was a stretch where he went 0-29 in conference play.  I mean really, Villanova, Xavier and St. John’s were some tough draws over that stretch, but Ewing was also losing to schools like DePaul, Providence and Butler, school most people probably don’t even know are even in the Big East.

His tenure was so bad, Ewing was trying to get the tradition of the post-game handshake line abolished, because after 29 straight conference losses, I think I’d be sick of having to congratulate the winners during all those losses too.

Anyway because this doesn’t need to be a novel like I so often try to remind myself when it comes to my brogging habits, yet another chapter in the book of Patrick Ewing comes to an end, with failure, unfulfilled expectations and just plain getting owned.  Seems like all those times MJ refused to promote him to a head coaching position are validated, considering Pat couldn’t even shape young, moldable talents into winners, so god forbid he have any better luck with a bunch of boneheaded knuckleheads like the vast majority of the NBA is today.