Tag: fail

Nothing says World Series champion like a technicality

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Regardless of who ultimately wins the World Series, there will be at least one particularly undeserving member of their team’s organization, that will be getting a World Series championship ring.

In the red corner, we have pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who will get a WS ring if the Dbacks win the World Series, despite the fact that he was cut all the way back in April.  MLB rules state that any player that plays any duration of time on the team’s roster, is entitled to a WS ring upon the organization’s winning of a championship that season. 

Despite the fact that Bumgarner got blown up to the tune of 20 runs in just 16.2 innings in April, and was kind of a dick about accepting any sort of coaching, the rules do say that if the Diamondbacks, he would be entitled to receive his fourth championship ring, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t been on the roster for over six months.

And in the blue corner, we have Max Scherzer, to his credit, is still on the Rangers’ roster, but has been trying his hardest to prevent the Rangers from doing any sort of winning.  Since being reactivated for the ALCS, Mad Max has made three playoff starts, but has only pitched to the tune of 9.2 innings, and given up seven earned runs in the process. 

In spite of his ineffectiveness, the Rangers still won two of those putrid starts, and are two wins away from the Commissioner’s Trophy; however the bad news is that if the Diamondbacks manage to stretch this series out even just the littlest bit, the chances of Max Scherzer getting the ball again in a critical game six or seven go up exponentially, and he definitely doesn’t inspire any confidence in his current state.

So which brings us to the question of, who would be the heavier freeloader in one of the teams’ hypothetical championship wins?

There’s something to be said about a guy who was on the squad for 14% of the entire season, and ineffectively at that, getting a championship ring, but then there’s the guy that is actively sandbagging the team’s chances at getting the championship, right now. 

If I had to ironically pick one of them to get their ring that they don’t deserve, I think it would be funnier if it were Bumgarner, but as it stands right now, the Rangers seem like they’re a little bit more Team of Destiny™ than even the Diamondbacks are, so it’s looking more favorable that Scherzer might gravy-train his way to his second WS ring, not to mention that he’ll be due to make around $118M over the next four seasons being paid out from four different franchises.  But on that same token, there’s something owning towards the Mets that their big-ticket acquisition goes onto win a ring with another team after the abject failure of the Mets forced them to trade him.

Regardless, it really doesn’t matter to me, and I really don’t care so much as it’s just mildly amusing that we’re in a scenario where a completely undeserving guy is going to be getting a championship ring regardless of the outcome of the World Series.

(Ironic) reason #169 why baseball is so great.

[EDITlol] not long after I wrote this, it came out that Max Scherzer was removed from the World Series roster, citing some bullshit physical ailment, to which any sports fan with a brain knows, is the dreaded DL for sucking.  And seeing as how the Rangers are now 3-1 in the series, it doesn’t seem likely that a Scherzer in game 7 is even remotely a possibility, so it looks like Mad Max might be getting the ring he doesn’t deserve.

If you don’t want to get disrespected, don’t get owned

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Well, that was a pleasant surprise, the Phillies getting bounced from the NLCS.  By the way they had handled business against the Barves and the whole spiel I made about how the culture the Phillies had created would undoubtedly carry them into, and win the World Series, I guess I must have jinxed them because if there’s one thing the world loves to do to me is to make all of my sports predictions come crashing to earth whenever I make them honestly and earnestly.

Despite having no real horse in the race, there was a part of me that would’ve felt a modicum of satisfaction if the Phillies had won the NLCS, because it would have proven me correct about how they were the team of destiny.  All the same, I am never not disappointed to see when the Phillies eat defeat, because misery loves company and if the Barves can’t be World Series champions, it’s nice to know that the Phillies won either.

Anyway, prior to, during and after game 7 of the NLCS was lots of delicious subplots and side quests that were occurring, all of which ended up with lots of Phillies supporters and fans, getting owned and taking L’s alongside the team that they followed.

First, let’s start off with “Mad Dog” Mike Russo, an obnoxious radio talking head who thinks he knows two shits about sports, who boldly proclaimed with all the conviction of an emperor wanting to go to war, that if the Phillies lost in game 7 of the NLCS, that he would retire, on the spot.

Naturally after the Phillies did in fact lose, everyone and their mother knew that he wasn’t going to follow through with his promise, so it was up to Howard Stern of all people, to negotiate his penance, which honestly, as satisfying as it would be to see a squid like Mad Dog on the streets of New York in a bikini and wearing a sign that said “I am a douche” still pales in comparison to the relief and satisfaction of knowing that the guy would close the book on his loud and obnoxious career.

But of course, he’ll still be working a week from now, and in about as much time, people will have forgotten he made such a stupid wager in the first place.

Next, we have the rumblings about how the Phillies organization “felt disrespected” because the Diamondbacks planted a flag of their team being National League champions onto their field at Citizens Bank Park.  Which brings us back to the title of this post, if you don’t want to get disrespected, you shouldn’t have gotten owned in the first place.

The Diamondbacks earned the right to plant their flag wherever they feel like it, because they came into an extremely hostile environment and didn’t blink once, holding the explosive Phillies offense to just three runs in games 6 and 7.  Bryce Harper, Trea Turner and Kyle Schwarber went 1 for 19 in those two games, and about as invisible as the Braves offense was against them.  If anything should feel disrespectful, it should be the guys that make up for 40% of their team’s payroll being completely absent when the team, the city, needed them most.

And finally we have some misguided Phillies fans who decided to be sore losers and decide to try and have some e-words with actual Diamondbacks players, namely Zac Gallen.  The thing about the world of social media is that it makes it really easy for people to pick and choose when they decide to engage and coming off of an impressive NLCS victory over the Phillies, Zac Gallen decided to not sit idly and let Phillies fans take shots at him and his team, and responded with the harshest of realities for Phillies fans: a reminder of when their next actual game is going to be – in Spring Training.

All the same, despite the fact that I had picked the Phillies to win the World Series after the drubbing they gave to the Barves, this is definitely a situation where I most definitely do not mind being wrong about something.  The city of Philadelphia taking L’s in any way shape or form is always a welcome sight to me.

Because swearing is so cool

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Obviously, it is not lost on me that I do swear in my own writing and spoken vernacular from time to time, but it doesn’t change the reality that my attitude on it is that it’s still not cool when done to an excess, and especially when profanity is used mostly for the sake of it.  I think it loses meaning when it’s done too much, and I like to think that when I do it in my own writing or spoken word, it’s because I’m fired up about something, trying to be funny for ironic effect, and not just saying it because I have nothing else better to say.

That being said, I don’t particularly remember what I was doing, where I was or how I heard it, but I recently heard a song that was clearly a sampling of Eiffel 65’s Blue Da ba dee back from 1998.  Looking it up, it’s I’m Good (Blue) by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha, figures that I no particular qualm with, I like Guetta’s music, and I like Rexha’s general persona, and as a song, it’s not bad and I think it pays decent credit to the original song.

It’s just that my beef with it is the melody that repeats itself like what feels like 28 times:

‘Cause I’m good yeah, I’m feelin’ alright
Baby, I’mma have the best fuckin’ night of my life“

And so I’m hearing a big ass F-bomb over and over again seemingly, and each time I hear it, I feel like I lose a little bit more respect for the song each time, because I’m wondering to myself if it’s even so necessary to have it in the first place.  Yes, I know how old man this probably makes me sound, but frankly the excessive use of it makes me feel like the appeal of the song erodes each time it’s blurted out.

Which sucks too, because much like the original, I like the musical theme of the song, but this is definitely not something I can play around my kids, because much like me, I’m sure they’ll only hear FUCKIN over and over again, and knowing my luck this will be the one single word they decide to repeat.

Like I know that the rules of society change, and that a lot of standard profanity isn’t as incendiary as it used to be, at least in compared to a number of terms and slurs that have more bigoted meanings behind them, but there’s just something so sad and pathetic about having to hear the same f-bomb over and over again, and thinking that something like a song, as a whole, can still be considered to be remotely of high quality when it just sounds like it’s trying to make itself sound dumb by virtue of spamming cuss words because cussing is so cool to begin with

This is why I don’t go to Braves games

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The last time I went to a Braves game was in 2021.  The Yankees were visiting, and since mythical wife and her mother are both Yankee fans, an opportunity arose for the wifey and myself to go to a game.  I had tremendous apprehension being in such a gargantuan crowd in 2021, and the Yankees draw like gangbusters no matter where they go, but we still went, and unsurprisingly, the Braves lost.

Sure, they went on to win the World Series later in the season, but in the one and only game that I went to, the Braves would do what I’m conditioned to seeing them do whenever I see them in person: lose.

As part of trying to allow our au pair to try things out and experience the little things that makes ‘Murica America, I took her to a baseball game; regardless of if you’re a sports fan or not, the American pastime is something that should be experienced at least once.  Frankly, it wasn’t my idea since despite my distance from baseball fandom, I still want to see the Braves succeed and win baseball games, but mythical wife went ahead and bought tickets and insisted we go.

Considering the fact that the Braves were 90-game winners hosting the 60-win St. Louis Cardinals, it seemed like a good bet that the Braves might have some success on this game.  It was compounded by the fact that upon getting to the ballpark, seeing Spencer Strider starting the game, who is a legitimate candidate to win the NL Cy Young this year.  And of course, there’s Ronald Acuña, Jr. who is a very strong candidate to win the NL MVP this year, there was plenty of reason to be optimistic that maybe, just maybe, the Braves could deliver a win for my au pair to witness.

Naturally, in spite of the monumental favoring of the Braves, they would completely shit the bed and roll over and die, losing an abysmal contest 11-6, where the final score hardly tells the story of just how bad of a game it was for the Braves.

Spencer Strider would basically have his worst start of the season, pitching only 2.2 innings, while allowing six runs on six hits, with one of them being a titanic home run that happened before we even got to our seats, meaning it was 2-0 by the time we sat down.  He couldn’t find the strike zone, and for a guy whom Atlanta grew accustomed to seeing striking out 8-10 guys every start, it’s a miracle he even struck out five.

Ronald Acuña, Jr., despite being the likely MVP of the league was just as bad on this night, going hitless until the ninth inning where he finally connected on a meaningless single when the score was already 11-6.  He flew out, ground out, struck out and completing what I like to call the cycle of suck, ground into a double play with runners on base, effectively killing the one rally the team scraped together.  Him and Ozzie Albies were completely ineffective on the entire night, and it was quite surreal seeing the two of them basically being the rally killers, for whenever the team got going, they’d be the ones to snuff out any and all momentum built up by the others in the lineup.

Needless to say, when we bounced early in the seventh, it was quite humorous that no sooner did my feet touch the ground outside the gates is when Austin Riley connected on a home run, but by then, it was already too late.  I’d been to enough baseball games in my life to know the rhythm of a game like this was pointing towards an L.  It kind of sucks that the Braves would flop so badly in my au pair’s first ever experience at a baseball game, but it was still a pleasant time where she got to see the sights, eat ballpark trash food, and she did get to see a bunch of homeruns; even if the majority of them were hit by the opposing team.

All the same, this is why I don’t go to Braves games anymore, because now the Braves have lost three in a row, run the risk of getting swept by the strangely woeful Cardinals, and probably begin a September swoon which will lead to their inevitable yearly NLDS collapse, because baby luck is long past gone now, and regardless of how many regular season games and division championships they win, it’s about time for the Braves to stick to the status quo and remain being the Braves.

The joys of running on the Silver Comet Trail not

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The above image encapsulates exactly what it’s like to run on the Silver Comet trail, which is a super awesome run/bike trail here in the Metro Atlanta area that basically stretches from the outskirts of the city and supposedly connects all the way west, to almost the Alabama state line.  It’s a great trail for people of all skill and experience levels, because it has so many points of access, people can use it for leisurely walks, lengthy excursions or just to train or casually exercise on.

I’ve always used it as a place to train up for long runs, as well as my preferred location to do any of the longer, numerous virtual runs that I always sign up for in order to add to my running medal collection, and it really is a wonderful trail because it’s fairly flat, completely shaded by trees which helps in even the hottest of summers, and there are multiple break points for people to rest, get water and take bathroom breaks if needed.

However, my only real criticism of the Silver Comet trail, isn’t something that can really be controlled, and is actually something that I’ve gripe-brogged about in the past, which is all the fucking bicyclists on the trail who think they own the entire thing, and go around flying down the path at 30+ mph, screaming ON YOUR LEFT all the time as if they were getting paid a quarter every time they had to wail it out.

Seriously, thanks to the Silver Comet, I fucking hate bicyclists, more than the times when I used to have to traverse around the city and had to share the roads with all the hipsters on their fixed gears clogging up lanes.  And to be more specific it’s not all bicyclists, and it’s not even the mega-tryhards that act like they’re participating in the Tour de France with their matching uniforms and barely existent thin-ass aluminum bicycles.

It’s the weekender bicyclists who think they’re on Lance Armstrong’s level when he was roided up to the gills, who are usually by themselves or with 1-2 other douchebag weekenders, who get on the trail and act like the whole thing belongs to them.  They’re the ones who are incessantly screaming ON YOUR LEFT to everyone as if they’re taxicabs in F-Zero, strategically placed just to ruin their day when they’re the ones in fact ruining everyone else’s day by being entitled assholes, hogging the entire trail for themselves and screaming at everyone.

Like, real pro-tryhard bicyclists for one, travel in large packs, but also have been doing what they do long enough to understand that all other travelers on the trail are not stupid, blind or deaf, all at the same time, and don’t hardly ever spam ON YOUR LEFT, unless they have a reason, like some dumbass who’s swerving along the trail.  The weekenders scream at everyone as if it’s their problem that they haven’t noticed that the people in front of them 100 yards away have maintained their lines and paces, and need to be reminded to watch out for them, while they travel at speeds, which in a car would definitely kill a pedestrian, but on a bicycle could be pretty lethal too.

For real though, weekender bicyclists are the god damn worst.  Nothing pockmarks a good run session than any time some bicycle douche screams ON YOUR LEFT and whizzes past me way too close to comfort when I’m already running on the edge of the trail, because it’s slightly flatter than the slight slope which is meant to control water on the surface from pooling aboard.  It’s like these cocksuckers all think I actually can pull over to the right any more than I already am at to convenience them, and they’re really lucky I just don’t stick my arm out and start clotheslining from hell every shithead who thinks they’re going to win the Tour de Douchebag.

I’d say as much as I loved being able to get back out onto the Silver Comet for the first time in nearly three years over the Labor Day weekend, that the weekend bicycle douchefucks were the worst thing about my run, it actually turns out that my 10K time crept over the 60-minute mark that I so fervently try to stay underneath.  At 61:14, I’m glad I was able to complete a 10K without any difficult laboring, but I’m pretty dissatisfied that it took me over an hour to accomplish.  I can’t use a lack of training as an excuse this time, considering I’ve been fairly consistent with my maintenance running over the last year, so I guess this is just a sign of age starting to catch up with me, and that I have to make some actual changes if I want to get my speed back up.

Toyota is determined to call everything a Corolla, it seems

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Supposedly in 2027, Toyota will be making an attempt to enter what is new to me, a mini-truck market.  I guess it’s something that’s not even a Tacoma which is already their mid-size truck, and definitely not the full-size Tundra which is their answer to compete with the Ford F-series and Dodge’s lineup of Insurrection-mobiles.  Like I said, I didn’t even know such a market was even in need or demand, but then again the automotive industry is just one giant game of keeping up with the Joneses, so if one maker does it, others will feel the need to get in the game.

Regardless, it appears that Toyota might be calling this to-be-determined mini-truck, a Corolla; the same name as the entry-level econobox that has existed for centuries at this point, as well as the crossover vehicle they just launched a few years ago that they slapped the Corolla name onto as well.  So regardless of the constant name regurgitation, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to stop Toyota from making a Corolla Mini-truck or whatever these, basically El Caminos of the future will be classified as.

All shade aside, I understand Toyota’s rationale for wanting to swindle customers by calling everything they have under the sun a Corolla; historically the Corolla is a solid, safe, reliable and reputable car that there’s a reason has lasted since the dawn of time.  The Hachi-Rokus popularized by Initial D, were basically Corollas, most every kid in my generation and the generation after mine’s first cars were usually Corollas because they were safe, fuel-economical and didn’t quite yet look like the car you get when you’re ready to give up on the rest of your life.

There’s a reason why Lotus borrowed the Corolla engine for their North American Elise models, and there’s a reason why when Toyota got into the crossover game, they immediately slapped the Corolla name tag onto it.

But at the same time, it’s gotten redundant, convoluting, and it’s frankly watering down the Corolla name to basically call everything in the lineup a variant of a Corolla.  Eventually, the name Corolla will be made into a level of trim, or a spin-off brand, like their attempt with Scion, and if Toyota ever gets any bad PR, they’ll probably just rename the whole fuckin company Corolla, since it’s such a name associated with vanilla safety.

Either way, it’ll be interesting to see what shakes out of the trees as far as Toyota’s foray into mini-truck production and marketing.  Frankly, if I had the means, I’d rather get a Japanese kei-car, if I wanted the compact utility of what the Corolla Truck looks like it’ll provide.  It would probably be cheaper even with VAT and import fees, come with less of the fluff and bullshit, and actually serve a purpose, but most importantly, because it wouldn’t be called a Corolla, it would imply that I have yet to give up on my life just yet.

God Bless Rednecks, Sometimes part 2

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Nope, the following picture is not a photoshop or a sports meme gone awry.  General Booty’s legal name is actually, General Booty.  There is a man living in the United States who’s birth certificate is legitimately General Booty.  General Axel Booty, and not an actual military rank.

I really hope this becomes more of a thing in coming years, because fewer things are more smugly amusing than hearing about rednecks from Texas who have ridiculous names like General Booty or Bumper Pool, whom to their credit of overcoming the criticism that silly names tend to degrade at, manage to get good enough at football to where they can actually try to make a future out of it.

Because I was quite tickled pink six years ago when I found out about Bumper Pool, and I’m quite amused to find out that there’s an actual possible starting quarterback for fucking Oklahoma, named General Booty.  I mean we’re talking about possibly being a successor to guys like Baker Mayfield, Kyler Murray, Jalen Hurts and Spencer Rattler.  General Booty has the opportunity to get his name into the annals of Oklahoma football, and not just because his name is General Booty, although I think he’s already on his way there, regardless of if he ends up as QB1, 2 or even 3.

Regardless of his chances, let’s just do a little mini-dive into this guy named General Booty, and how the hell he came to fruition:

To no surprise, his father is a former player himself, having played at LSU as a wide receiver.  I say no surprise, because it’s the meathead jock type like a guy who played at LSU whom would be so fixated on the military rank of General to where he vowed to name his son by a rank should he have one, and by god did he ever, and therefore we have a legitimate person named General Booty.

Aside from his dumbass dad, it turns out that General Booty is actually related to former USC quarterback John David Booty, who actually made it to the NFL, even if he didn’t last that long in the show, but it goes to show that there’s clearly football in the genetics of the ol’ Booty lineage.

If I’m a betting man, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s going to be QB1 for the Sooners, seeing as how fifth-year senior Dillon Gabriel seems to be the more likely candidate to start, but stranger things have happened in sport.  I imagine that with the awareness of General Booty spreads, he’ll have a Brian Scalabrine-like cult following in the world of sports fandom, and any time he steps onto the field, people will be snickering and chuckling over his name, and by proxy, probably cheer everything he does, just so that they can talk about and spread the word about a guy named General Booty.