I’ll reserve any talk about the actual matters of the supposed cops killing black people epidemic, because I kind of want to write about it eventually, as well as the fact that when the day is over, my opinion doesn’t mean shit in the grand spectrum of things. But I saw Kobe Bryant among numerous NBA players wearing this “I CAN’T BREATHE” t-shirt, and I couldn’t sit idly at the knee-jerk reaction that I had in my head:
Comic Sans? Really?
If there’s one thing that just about anyone who’s ever used a computer in their entire life ends up learning, it’s that the use of Comic Sans eradicates any iota of credibility to absolutely any written word on the face of the planet, from the beginning of time to the end of civilization.
If the Declaration of Independence were written in Comic Sans, the United States probably would have risen and fallen at least 279 times, as absolutely nobody would have been able to take the words within it seriously beyond a grain of salt. If the Bill of Rights were written in Comic Sans, nobody would believe in freedom of speech and people wouldn’t take seriously that we have the right to bear arms…which might not the worst things on the planet on second thought, but the point remains.
Imagine if the King James Holy Bible were written in Comic Sans? Christianity would never have risen to the magnitude of power it has today, and would probably fall into a middle of the pack religion, behind Muslim and Judaism, and probably barely beat out Buddhism solely on numbers and not strength. Granted, probably a lot of the wars of history probably may never have occurred, which again doesn’t sound like the worst thing ever, but again, the point remains.
(Seriously though, I would really, really love to have a copy of a bible, if all of the text were in Comic Sans.)
I CAN’T BREATHE is supposed to be a powerful statement, something of a battle cry to signify peoples’ disapproval of police in America. The idea is a good one, to spread awareness to larger audiences, by having celebrities such as professional athletes wear the message on shirts to sporting events where lots of people in attendance see it in person, as well as millions of viewers watching on television.
However, the execution of this whole plan falls so flat on its face, the face shatters through the ground, burrows its way 360 degrees, emerges from the ground right behind its own ass, and is completely capable of smelling just how bad of an idea it was, to put the supposed impact/money statement, in fucking Comic Sans.
I CAN’T BREATHE looks like text you’d find on an old Geocities website, with a tiled starry background, glittering text, and an animated gif of a stick figure man chipping away with a pickaxe to explain that the site was still currently under construction. I CAN’T BREATHE now looks like the punchline to a Garfield pun. I CAN’T BREATHE now looks like a meme, that overzealous pro-police individuals put onto pictures of black people being handcuffed with absolutely nothing remotely close to their throats, to mock the phrase.
Emblazoned on the chests of powerful NBA players, I CAN’T BREATHE is supposed to be serious, but because it’s in Comic Sans, it makes it look like a joke.
