Tag: comparison

If Ohtani ends up on the Braves, I will shave my balls

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

One of the big narratives this baseball offseason is, where will Shohei Ohtani go???  He’s basically the best player in the game right now and an unrestricted free agent, so the sky is the limit to where he’s going to go and for how much.  For months, people have been throwing around price tags of $500M for like 15 years in order to secure him, and ordinarily every time I hear such absurd numbers, I always think, sometimes say, that no human being alive in existence is worth that kind of money, but in the case of Ohtani, if there were ever a place to begin the conversation of the value of a person, his name should probably be up there.

However, one of the more obnoxious things that I’ve been seeing in recent days, is the Atlanta Braves’ name being mentioned in the same breath as Shohei Ohtani, as if they have any modicum of a chance at being able to get their hooks into the guy that is so far above Babe Ruth as Babe Ruth was above all of the rest of us in baseball talent.  Spouting all sorts of bullshit rhetoric that Ohtani wants to play for a winner, and seeing as how the Braves have been doing well for themselves over the last few years, Atlanta should not be discounted as a possible destination.  Bullshit claims from anonymously fake sources that Ohtani is “intrigued” by the Braves.

It also doesn’t help that the Braves are currently cleaning house internally, and they just non-tendered and traded a bunch of players to clear them off the 40-man roster, but from the last reports I heard, they’re really only saving like $14M in doing such, and it’s clear that the end game really were the roster spots, with the salary savings being a minute bonus.  Many of the names were recognizable and not just some minor league fodder, but given the circumstances over the last year or two, none of these should be surprising, or seen as that much of a loss.

But make no mistake, there is no fucking chance in hell that the Braves are going to get Ohtani, and I’d be really appreciative if the conversation of such asinine speculation would just stop, because all it’s doing is making a bunch of Braves homers look like idiots in thinking that there’s any iota chance of hell that he’ll suit up for the Braves. 

This isn’t one of those lame attempts to reverse jinx and tempt the fates at trying to control the universe, and have the Braves miraculously secure him in order to make me be a man of my word and shave my balls, I just so genuinely feel strongly that there’s no chance that the Braves will get him, and I just wish people would stop even making the speculation because it just makes everyone doing so, and everyone who gets hope, look dumb.

I would legitimately feel comfortable in betting my house that it’s not going to happen, because even if Ohtani were interested in Atlanta’s strength at getting into the postseason, there’s no way the Braves would be even close to meeting his financial demands.  Ohtani is likely going to want $500M, and due to the unending escalation of player salaries, will command $500M, and the Braves are going to haggle and be all Braves-ey and ask him to drop down to $295M for 13 years, and try to sell him on the chances of World Series glory at a discount, and then Ohtani is going to be insulted and annoyed that he wasted his time even entertaining the thought of coming to Atlanta.

Then he’ll end up signing with the Dodgers or the Phillies because those are the only two teams anyone seems to want to go to anymore, and worse off, he won’t forget the disrespect from the Braves, and use it as fuel to crush Atlanta whenever they play against each other in the regular season, and then when the Braves inevitably meet up with whatever team Ohtani ends up on in the NLDS, Ohtani will throw a post-season no-hitter against them while clubbing 3 HR and driving in 8 RBI en route to an NLDS MVP* and helping with yet another NLDS exit for the Braves.

*for the record I know that there’s no such thing as an NLDS MVP award but I’m just flexing my baseball humor for the time where some pitcher on the Cardinals had a clause in his contract for a bonus for winning NLDS MVP

Plus the Braves haven’t exactly had a stellar history when it comes to accommodating Asian baseball players.  Jung Bong was basically an ace in Korea, and barely amounted to a fourth starter for the Braves.  Chien-Ming Wang, the greatest Taiwanese pitcher of all time, decided that he’d rather go play indy ball than play for the Gwinnett Braves when he was trying to return from injury.  And then there was fellow Japanese pitcher Kenshin Kawakami, who is probably texting Ohtani telling him to stay the fuck away from Atlanta, if he has his number or any means of getting in contact with him.

Instead, the Braves will bring in some 2 or 3-tier starting pitchers at economical contracts, that will be expected to overperform, bounce back, or be veteran leaders for the next wave of Mike Sorokas, Kyle Wrights, Braden Shewmakes and other promising young starting pitchers that will ultimately be unloaded for relievers later on, and even if they play well during the regular season, they’ll be too old and tired or injured by the time October rolls around.

For real though, can we all just stop with the embarrassment of speculating Ohtani to the Braves?  It’s not going to happen, and everyone who gives into hoping that it will is just setting themselves up for as much disappointment as whenever the Braves make the playoffs and people think they’ll actually get out of the NLDS.  I ain’t having anymore kids, so it’s never going to happen again, and the chances of me having to shave my balls is more than likely even less.

Order has been restored

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

While we were all sleeping: SK Telecom’s T1 squad wins the League of Legends World Championship for the fourth time, defeating China’s Weibo Gaming in a 3-0 stomping

Despite the fact that I don’t play anymore, I still had a loose ear to the ground when Worlds began.  Obviously, I’m always hopeful that a Korean team comes out the victor, but considering over the last few years, Chinese teams have finally gotten the monkey off their back and traded some championships with Korean squads, it’s really a jump ball between the two LoL powerhouse nations.

There was a moment of dread when the final four shook out to be three Chinese squads and T1 as Korea’s last hope, especially since the event was taking place in Korea, and I couldn’t think of a more disappointing scene than Chinese celebrating a championship in the home of their overlords.  The anxious feeling didn’t go away when T1 survived the semi-finals, because there was yet a second chance at China getting to upend Korea, and over the last few years, history has not been kind to T1, with more close calls than there were actual victories, with T1’s last championship being all the way back in 2016.

But that’s what’s good about something that’s happening on the other side of the planet, my ass was asleep while the finals were occurring, and I woke up to be pleasantly pleased to hear that T1 not only won the championship, they did so in an extremely dominant, one-sided affair, with not only T1 winning in a 3-0 sweep, the cumulative time of play was barely over 90 minutes, with T1 eating their breakfast in a sequence of 30 minute matches.

I’ve been to two Worlds championships too, I can assure that all the logistics, setup, festivities, ceremonies and break in between combined probably equaled to two days’ worth of hours, and fewer things are probably as unsatisfying to the event and all the people who traveled long distances to partake, than the actual main event lasting 90 minutes.  I’m quite tickled imagining the ironic dissatisfaction from all those who run the event that it was over so quickly.

I spent a few minutes this morning, trying to think of the best analogy to describe T1’s rofl-stomping of Weibo, to capture the combined sentiment of nationalism, shade, hometown pride and disappointment for spectators, and the following come to mind:

  • 2007 College Football National Championship: Florida cruises past Ohio State 41-14. Florida QB Chris Leak makes a remark about how they played tougher teams in the SEC than Ohio State
  • 1995 Houston Rockets: the #6 going into the playoffs, they are pushed the distance in every round of the Western Conference playoffs by the Jazz, Suns and Spurs, but then go on to sweep the Orlando Magic in the NBA Finals
  • 1997 Braves at Yankees: Greg Maddux throws a complete game shutout in 84 pitches to quickly dispatch of the Yankees. Legend has it that he did not shower and rushed out of the locker room immediately afterward because there was a tee-time he wanted to catch.
  • Tiny Toons: Happy World Land episode: Plucky Duck is invited on Hamton’s family trip to the Happy World Land amusement park, goes on a grueling miserable car trip, only to discover that after arriving, they only ride on the complimentary park monorail once, and call it a trip and go back home

I made a joke that Faker and/or the rest of the team probably had daily League of Legends practice at 7pm local that they didn’t want to be late to, because starting late meant finishing late, so it was in their best interests to put Weibo away as quickly as they could.

But anyway, just like that, SK Telecom wins their fourth LoL World Championship; and for the record, there have been 13 championships, with T1 being involved in seven of them, with them not even existing for the first two.  With Faker being a member of all of them, this is his fourth ship, an unprecedented achievement, especially in a field where change happens more rapidly than the stock market.  Needless to say, with an actual victory, order most definitely has been restored in the competitive League of Legends scene.

WTF is AEW doing #256

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Apparently there was an AEW pay-per-view today, Full Gear.  I’m not writing as such to throw shade, frankly I lose track of when WWE or anyone else has shows either, and I’m extra salty that I missed a GCW that was at my favorite venue to watching wrestling in Atlanta, so I’m not trying to deliberately sound dismissive of AEW like I sometimes do.

Upon reading a summary of the event, there’s plenty that definitely warrants the title of his post series, because I really often am curious just WTF AEW is actually doing sometimes with their booking and storytelling.

Frankly, MJF as this babyface seems lame, and the guy is way better at being a heel rather than this babyface scumbag, and the entire promotion seemingly has no idea what to do with all these hotshots they’re bringing in like Jay White.  Will Ospreay joining AEW seemed like an obvious outcome, seeing as how he still feels like there’s art to make, before he inevitably goes to the WWE to make the big bucks.

But not to completely shit everything AEW does, I have to say that I’m a big fan of what they’re doing with Timeless Toni Storm, and I love the transformation she’s done into the black and white retro starlet, and her character work has been outstanding, and she’s easily among the most entertaining performers they have from the second the camera starts rolling on her to when she leaves the screen.  Glad that they’ve put the Women’s championship back on her, and in her current character iteration, I’m optimistic that this reign might actually stick for a little bit.

However, there was a specific match that served as the impetus to this post, and in fact within this match, there was a specific spot, that really got the gears grinding, and wondering not just WTF is AEW doing, so much as it’s WTF Hangman Adam Page?

During his Texas Death Match with Swerve Strickland, both dudes are bloodied up, as AEW loves to have everyone bleed as if they’re trying to transmit transmissible diseases on purpose, but at one point, Hangman Adam Page drinks the blood of Swerve.  He spits it out like Triple H spits out water, but the point remains, he forces the blood of another human being into his mouth, lets it swish around, and even though he spits it out, it’s still very much in his digestive system and eventual blood stream.  Even if both men are healthy and clean, there’s a tremendous number of red flags that go up upon simply describing the act of allowing another human being’s blood into your own mouth, on purpose no less.

Generally, I’m cool with Hangman Adam Page, because I think he’s a really good worker, seemingly chill and cool guy based on his conduct on social media and the persona he projects, but not going to lie, this spot does pock my opinion of him a little bit, and thinking there’s some screws loose and maybe he himself has taken one too many chair shots in his career.

In this day and age, performers are most definitely allowed to veto a spot when walking through the general summaries of what should happen in a match.  Sure, it’s easy to say that Tony Khan suggested it, but Hangman has enough clout and equity in the company to where he probably would be fine if he said “you know, I’m not comfortable drinking another man’s blood,” and TK would probably acquiesce.  But this spot still happening means that there’s a part of Hangman that is dumb enough to think this would be a good spot, and I’m a little bit disturbed by his agreeance to do it.

It doesn’t make him look strong in defeat, it doesn’t make him any more respectable than he already was, all it really does for me is think he’s not as intelligent as I thought he might be seeing as how he was a teacher prior to wrestling.  It’s gross, its unsafe, and no knock on Swerve, but if they weren’t careful, whatever Swerve has, Hangman now has, for deliberately taking another person’s blood into their mouth for the sake of entertaining a bunch of fickle wrestling fans.

AEW has done some bonkers shit in their short time span, ironically both spots coming in separate Omega vs. Moxley deathmatches; when Omega forced Moxley to injest “glass” and the hilarious “exploding” ring after their second death match, but I’m going to have to go out a limb and say that I think Hangman Adam Page drinking Swerve Strickland’s blood is going to have to take the title for the dumbest spot in the company’s history now.

Maybe AEW should make a blet for that too.

Introducing the Rome Emperors

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I don’t hate it: the Rome Professional Baseball Club formerly known as the Rome Braves, unveils new team name and branding identity, the Rome Emperors

Sure, it’s not the snarky low-hanging fruit like the Rome Rednecks, or the outside-the-box idea I had of calling them the Floyd County Archers, but it’s not like we didn’t know that it was going to be something safe, kid-friendly, and homogenized, because at the end of the day, the Rome Professional Baseball Club is still a business and going safe, kid-friendly and homogenized is still the modus operandi of trying to squeeze money out of as many demographics and parties as possible.

So yeah, the Rome Emperors – as stated above, I don’t hate it.  Smart to have unveiled everything at once, or at least that’s how I found out because I live under a rock and this was fed to me by friends before I could even find out about something this baseball minutiae on my own like I used to, but whatever, because I saw everything all at once, I didn’t have time to speculate, dissect and eventually hate it, because everything was done upon delivery.

There’s one aspect that likes that they’re calling themselves Emperors, which sends a message that they intend to rule the Sally League or the Carolina League, or whatever level of A-ball they’re in these days, I’ve lost track, but at the end of the day, Minor League baseball is still a feeder league to higher leagues, and so often times is the case, especially with Braves affiliates, is that their records aren’t ever really that great.  I don’t remember the last time, or ever, when a Braves affiliate won a league championship, so it’s kind of funny that they have the name of Emperors, but will more often than not, be doing anything but ruling the league.

It’s kind of like Team Emperor in Initial D, because they were introduced to be this badass guerilla team of Evos that dominated lower-tier street racing clubs, but then eventually became another fodder squad to the Hachi-roku, the Redsuns, Kogashiwa’s MR2 and even Mako and Sayuki’s Sil-Eighty.  In spite of the menacing sounding name, they ultimately were just mid, at best.

Regardless, in spite of the snarky analysis, good on the organization for picking a name that remotely goes tangibly with the name Rome, and I like the explanation of their direction to go with a penguin, instead of the Little Caesar’s mascot, because when the day is over, everyone loves animals and frankly I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like penguins. 

Sure, it’s ironic that an animal most known for living in arctic conditions will be the mascot for a team that plays in a state that has nuclear summers, but when kids and grown-ups like me that like chintzy, novelty crap like penguins with baseball bats see a penguin, there’s money to be made in moving merch.

Not lost in the rebrand is the fact that they actually got away with using the overkill’d Trajan font with the Rome wordmark on their away jerseys, because if there was ever something that could get a pass on using the most basic and Rome-ey fonts there ever was, it was a brand that was actually called Rome.  I still think they’re lazy for not sharpening off the tips of the serifs, but at the same time, I can understand why.

Overall, I’m quite satisfied with the rebrand altogether.  Kudos to the organization for pulling it off, even if I wish they didn’t try to sparsely try to satisfy the Braves by keeping so much red in their branding, but baby steps, I suppose.  They’ve already taken great strides stepping away from their overlords, and hopefully things can only get better from here.

I look forward to (not) hearing about the promotions, shenanigans and general business that the team will be able to do in the coming season and in the future, when they’re not quite so held down by the shackles of the Atlanta Braves stuffy corporate branding.

Dad Brog (#124): Should I be concerned??

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I walked into #1’s room after her quiet time and was immediately met with the sight of Naoru and Kaoru AKA The Wrestling Cats, basically hanging off of the dresser.  My immediate reaction was that of amusement, but at the same time, I’m wondering if I should be concerned, because the first thing that came to mind was the comparison to the hanging corpses that are all over the various mansions in Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.

Of course it’s just a child playing with her stuffies, but lately, #1 has really been into ribbons, string, tying knots and such.  I don’t really know where she’s getting it from, it doesn’t seem to be on the agenda at what they’re teaching in school, but for whatever reason, she’s been fascinated with fiddling with loose threads and ribbons and always tying them into knots or together, and in her quiet time, she’s been experimenting with decorating the lamp post or hanging things off the bed rail, and in this case, draped around the necks of her favorite stuffies and suspending them off of the dresser.

Really though, I just wanted to make the comparison to the visual of what I saw and accurate comparison reference to Castlevania II as what immediately came to mind when I saw it.  Perhaps my kid isn’t the one I should be concerned about if hanging corpses from a game from the 80’s is the first thing that I thought about.

Never underestimate the Braves’ ability to Barves

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Unsurprising: MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred already considering tweaking new playoff format, primarily reseeding the field prior to the divisional series rounds in response to all of the top teams getting bounced

It really comes as no shock that this is happening, considering the fact that the 100+ win Braves, Dodgers and Orioles all flamed out in spectacularly unspectacular fashion in the divisional round, and when the day is over, baseball is still a business and as satisfying as it may be to a sports purist that the #5 seed Rangers and #6 seed Diamondbacks play for the World Series, it is not really best for business that the teams with the best records in the game aren’t.

Frankly, I don’t think there needs to be any tweaking to the current format.  I do like that there are two more teams allowed in the field, because I don’t really know why it’s falling on its face so hard in baseball when just about every other sport that runs tournaments loves Cinderella stories of underdog teams overcoming the odds and climbing the mountain.

It’s aberrational that all three of the teams that won 100+ games all were bounced in the divisional series, but the fact of the matter is that all of them got dropped like Demon vs. Sting because their opponents all found the Pit Fighter power pill and got hot at the precise right moment, and rode that momentum all the way to paydirt.  And that’s just it when it comes to any sort of playoff format in any sport, prior records be damned, the most dangerous team in the field are the one(s) who get hot and ride the flames, regardless of whom their opponents might be.

In fact, I don’t want MLB to change the current format and do reseeding, because it’s never, ever going to change the fact that the Braves will always turn into the Barves once the NLDS starts, and in year like this one, it would just have put the Braves into a position for greater embarrassment, because they would have been dropped by the 84-win Diamondbacks instead of the 90-win Phillies, and short of being underdogs in future seasons, this is going to be the case until the end of time because I ain’t having any more kids and will be able to bless them with baby luck anymore.

If there should be any tweaks to the playoff format, it should be that the lower seeds are the ones whom should be given byes, seeing as how the only seemingly absolute trend in baseball is that teams that “enjoy” the “advantage” of being able to rest a few extra days, all get cold and soft and then get bounced by the lower seed teams who have had some time to warm up and get battle-tested.

Like, it seems absolutely asinine that the Braves, Dodgers and Orioles should have to play more games, but in a sport as sometimes bonkers as baseball, it probably would’ve guaranteed that we would’ve had an Eastbound & Down World Series against Atlanta and Baltimore.  They’d all be riding waves of momentum from the regular season, the Braves would’ve stomped the Diamondbacks, the Dodgers would have eaten the Marlins, the O’s would have trounced the Blue Jays, and then they would’ve gone into the division series where the #3 and #4 seeds would have had to have waited, and then the Braves would’ve for sure annihilated the Phillies instead, while the Dodgers would’ve made quick work of the Brewers and the O’s would’ve dropped the Rays.

Until MLB realizes that byes aren’t really as good in baseball as they are in other sports, the playoff systems they trot out, will all be problematic.  Except for the Braves, because no matter what kind of format they run, when the playoffs begin, absolutely nothing short of me having kids, seems capable of preventing them from becoming the Barves once they postseason begins.

An unprecedented level of ownage just went legendary

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

The bar has been set: Marcus Jordan, son of Michael Jordan, wants dad to be his best man when he gets married . . . to Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife

About a year ago it came out that Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife was in a relationship with Marcus Jordan, the son of the greatest NBA player of all time, Michael Jordan.  I just figured ol’ Larsa was doing so a cerebrally petty means of attacking her ex, ol’ Stiffin’ Pippen, because they seemed to have had a fairly tumultuous and ugly public divorce. 

After all, there’s rebounding with a younger man, and then there’s rebounding with a younger man who also happens to be the son of your greatest frienemy/rival/man who overshadowed you your whole career/life, and considering all the nastiness that showed during their divorce, it didn’t seem like such a stretch that a gal like Larsa would do such a thing for no other reason.

Now whether it was a one-night stand gone wrong, a touching tale of true love to grow out of the pile of dog shit, or an orchestrated plot to try and make Scottie Pippen have sleep problems for the next decade, the relationship has evolved, and now Marcus and Larsa are apparently engaged and are planning to get married; and Marcus wants his dad, to the best man at his wedding.

Back when I found out about Marcus and Larsa’s relationship, I called it an unprecedented level of ownage, which still stands, but with them getting married, and the desire to have MJ as the best man, which he will more than likely do, that unprecedented level of ownage is about to become legendary.  A new lofty level of owange that will have a hard time ever being matched, much less surpassed.  One where even Patrick Ewing of all people would sit back and go, “damn, Scottie about to get owned.”

Not only did Larsa dump Scottie’s ass, she held onto his name because obviously she’s nothing without it, so that’s getting owned; she keeps the notoriety of being a Pippen without having to put up with Scottie’s bullshit and most likely the constant embarrassment of him being Stiffin’ Pippen whenever they went out to eat.  Then she hooks up with a younger man, and that younger man happens to be Marcus Jordan, the son of Michael Jordan, whom Scottie hasn’t been shy about turning full heel on over the last few years, and letting his true green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, so that’s getting owned to the unprecedented level.

But now they’re getting married, and if MJ has any semblance of knowledge of what it takes to be a good dad, he will undoubtedly be his best man, and when they undoubtedly and inevitably and have exorbitant wedding photos, it’s going to be Scottie’s ex-wife, with a younger man, AND Michael Jordan all looking at the camera and smiling, looking right back at Scottie.

It’s no secret how much MJ loves winning and owning others, and this undoubtedly counts as a severe and massive W for MJ, at the expense of Scottie.  And I’m not sure what would be sweeter, between all of this being basically payback for all of the bullshit Scottie had spouted in the media about MJ and their relationship, or the fact that throughout this whole journey, MJ really didn’t actually lift a finger the whole time, letting his son do all of the legwork, and being able to usurp the credit for the ownage solely by being Marcus’s dad.

Either way, at this point, I think it’s safe to say that Patrick Ewing can finally hand over the massively burdensome torch of being MJ’s biggest bitch over to Scottie Pippen, because I have no earthly idea on how this level of ownage can ever be surpassed.