Tag: angst

Thoughts on Europe and cruising

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Admittedly, I thought I’d be way worse off coming back from Europe after basically a two-week vacation.  Sure, the 22-hour trek that saw two layovers in New York and Detroit before getting back to Atlanta was pretty tiring, but I didn’t have that much difficulty in not using my recovery day, and instead returning to work immediately the next day.  Frankly, after two weeks unpaid, it seemed like the smart thing to do.

So Europe.  So cruise.  Long story short is that the vacation was pretty good, and I had a good time traversing various cities in Italy, and my first cruise ever was pretty enjoyable overall.  Maybe not as much relaxation as I’d hoped to have gotten, but I was able to sleep in for a few mornings, and those were quite pleasant.  Alternatively, there were a lot of mornings that were on the schedules of either shore excursions or travel deadlines, leading to some jam-packed agendas at times too.

Among the things learned about planning a destination vacation as such, is that in the future, shelling out a little bit of cash in order to have some travel insurance might not be such a bad idea.  Mythical gf and I got a pretty decent flight to Europe, but it was pockmarked with several layovers both to-and-from the states, and in the months approaching our trip, there were at least more than one deal that showed up with fewer layovers at a comparable price that made us come to the conclusion that perhaps there is some merit to timing.

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Vacations and relaxation are hard for me

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m not one to often broadcast my vacation plans, but let’s be real here, my brog has been down so long, that there’s absolutely no concern that some mysterious anonymous seventh reader of mine that cyber-stalks me is going to get wind of me not being home, break into my house and steal all my wrestling belts.  I’m literally hoarding a folder full of Word documents of the ever-growing backlog of brog posts that I have every intention of back filling when, or if, my brog ever comes back online.

Me salty?  Nahhhhh

Anyway, it’s not often that I write off the cuff without a general subject, topic or impetus to vomit words.  But I knew that I would probably want to write some diatribe before I got on a plane, fly across the Atlantic and try to find some rest, relaxation and exploration in parts of the world I never thought I’d actually go to.

Much to the doubts of mythical gf, I actually am excited about this trip, planned a year in advance.  But my excitement oftentimes manifests itself in a variety of anxiety at the things I’m leaving behind, as well as a bewilderment of the things planned ahead of me.  Otherwise, I like to think I’m a pretty grounded guy that doesn’t show like Nintendo 64 Kid levels of excitement, about anything.

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Part of why I write so much

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I had a disheartening train of thought recently, that I don’t feel like anyone really listens to the things I say.  Say, as in voice, when I speak, the words that come out of my mouth.  Sure, I know that I’m often accused of mumbling, that I clearly must have some sort of mush-mouth, and it makes me self-conscious when I speak, and I sometimes catch myself trying hard to enunciate everything with more fervor than the average speaker probably does. 

Regardless of my shitty-sounding voice, sometimes I get in my head that I don’t think anyone’s listening.  People will indulge me and grant me their immediate attention when words are coming out of my mouth, but I don’t frankly think many people actually listen, care, or are really actually paying attention.

I understand that we all as people have a million things going on, and I get that sometimes these things occupy a tremendous amount of space in our heads.  I grew up with probably what would be diagnosed as ADD as a kid, and got my ass beat by my mom because I had difficulty listening and paying attention.  Whether it was through overcompensation, the fact that it might not actually be a real ailment, or my general wanting-to-please-others mentality, I think that I’ve become quite a decent listener to what other people have to say, but especially lately I don’t feel that such courtesy is reciprocated on a pretty wide scale.

My own parents don’t really listen to me, and in spite of how often they ask me to do their menial correspondence for them, the instructions that I give that might just actually make their lives and my life a little bit easier are often times construed as suggestion, and I, or my sister have to end up doing them anyway.  Neither of them could tell anyone what I’m currently into, what kind of car I drive, and have shreds of doubt when it comes to recollecting how old I am.

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Alone time

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I have no idea what I’m going to do when my brog is up and running again. Am I going to retroactively timestamp posts I made on the dates in which the impetus stories took place? Am I going to just post them in order as soon as things are up and running again? I don’t really know.

Frankly, I don’t know about a lot of things, and I’ve been feeling really vulnerable and uncertain about my life now, and for quite some time throughout, well, maybe all of this year. The lack of having my brog I think has given me an exorbitant amount of time to stay within my own head and think about things that probably need to be thought about, but I don’t really want to, mostly out of trepidation and anxiety.

For a site that has literally maybe six regular visitors, it means nothing to anyone really, except for me, and it’s got me dealing with some separation anxiety for my greatest and most dedicated hobby over the last 15 years. I imagine to some, it’s a place for me to spout off about opinions and veiled commentary about things in my life, which aren’t inaccurate statements, but honestly it’s a means for me to mentally vent and not just share my thoughts with those who want to read, but to kind of chronicle my thoughts and remind me that these are things that I’ve thought in my life.

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QQing over wrestling

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’m sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year.

I’m not sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year, because the card looks putrid, NXT Takeover will inevitably be the better show, but Wrestlemania’s card looks putrid this year.  Nobody wants to see Roman Reigns win the world title, nobody wants to see Kevin Owens be in a match that includes the Miz and Zack Ryder, and the best match of the night very well is going to be the Divas title match between Charlotte, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks.  No disrespect to the hardest working women in ages, but the rest of the card is definitely not worth sinking five hours of time into.

I am sad because I’m missing Wrestlemania this year, because it’s pretty much the first time in over a decade in which I’m not going to be watching it with some of my closest and longest tenured friends, whom we’ve had something of a tradition of doing for the better part of almost the last two decades.  Prior to this year, the only two blips in the radar have been the times in which I actually attended Wrestlemania, which were cool in their own right, but paled in comparison to evenings of catching up, shooting the shit, stuffing our faces silly, and commentating on all the bad matches of the night.

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Empathy

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I should be in a pretty good mood right now.  I’m not saying that I’m in a foul mood by any stretch of the imagination, it’s just the fact that instead of being happy and in a pleasant mood, I feel kind of in the middle somewhere lately.  In fact, earlier this week, I had some pretty great news that broke, that I will eventually start sharing with my six readers and maybe over social media if I feel like it.  Unfortunately, earlier this week there was also some terribly bad news, that anyone willing to scroll back a few posts would realize, and it certainly has held a lot of weight to why I feel like how I do lately.  If anything at all, it’s the conflicting ends of the spectrums on the two events that have me somewhere in the middle, albeit leaning towards the wrong direction, that is preventing me from feeling absolutely depressed and somber.

The thing is, even without the tragic news from earlier this week, I think I’d still be emotionally weighed down, because aside from the super bad news from earlier this week, there are still things going on with various other people close to me and out there, that I’m aware of, and are aware that they’re bringing them down.  This makes me feel less happy, because I know there are people I care about feeling down.

Such is the nature of those with empathy, but I’m beginning to think that I might just be overly empathetic, if such is even possible.

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The lunch break conundrum

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I have been put into a sour mood.  Twenty minutes into the official start of business, my manager calls me into his office.  I got chewed out, because I had left at 4:55 p.m.; a spineless, high-maintenance teammate needed* wanted to get in contact with me, and when he couldn’t get ahold of me on my office line, instead of calling my work cell phone, which he has done so in the past, he instead called my manager to inform him that I had apparently left unreasonably early.

*“need” would imply it was something important and essential, but rest assured this particular matter was not

I used the phrase “official start of business” in the preceding paragraph to emphasize the fact that despite more or less starting my workday getting chewed out, I had actually been in the office closer to forty minutes.  This is often times the case, that I arrive to the office earlier than 8:00 a.m., because I’m generally of the work ethic that “early is on time and on time is late,” and for whatever reasons, the county schools down here aren’t on any sort of schedule, so I like to leave early to compensate for the various times in which I might get stuck behind a school bus, so that I am not actually late.

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