Tag: angst

I do have regrets. Lots of them.

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I often like to say that I try to live my life with as few regrets as possible, and I often boasted about how few regrets I had in my life.

I think I’ve been fooling myself for as long as I’ve been saying that, because when I really think about it, I know that I’ve got a lot of regrets out there, and me claiming that I don’t have them really isn’t doing me any favors.

The video above was something I saw at trivia earlier in the week, and it’s been stuck in my head since. Admittedly, I kind of think Call Me Maybe is kind of catchy and I think Carly Rae Jepsen is cute as hell even if she’s probably like ten years younger than me, but I have to say that I loved this vintage cover video of Call Me Maybe. I’m not sure why it is, but I’m a big fan of 1920s vintage era stuff to begin with, so this was completely up my alley.

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Complexes

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Lately, I’ve felt like drawing. This may not seem like a big deal, but it kind of is to me, because I haven’t really done much drawing in quite some time. I just haven’t really had any motivation to do it.

Sometimes I wonder if the people I know are aware that I used to draw quite a lot when I was younger. With the current company I keep these days, I can’t say that I’d be surprised if there were people that were unaware of my more artistic childhood, given the fact that most of my current hobbies and interests revolve around sports, athletics, physical fitness or things like reading books or playing video games. But the truth is that I used to draw a whole lot when I was much younger.

Whether I was any good or not is completely subjective to the eye of whomever is looking at anything I’ve drawn, but as is often the case with lots of artistic types, I can’t say that I’ve ever really been that satisfied with the things I’ve drawn in my lifetime.

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I do my best thinking in the car

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I really do. It’s like I do my best typing when I’ve got my feet kicked up on my desk, and I have the wireless keyboard in my lap. I don’t know why that is, but I feel like my fingers fly along the keys when it’s in this position. But back to the topic of thinking, I guess “best” isn’t necessarily the best word, but it’s true that I do some of my deepest thinking while I’m driving in my car.

Lately, something that pops into my head a lot, which is probably obvious given my age and life’s status, but I’m kind of a lonely person. I’m probably being more earnest than I really should be, given the fairly public status of my brog, but to put it out there, I’m 31 years old, and I haven’t been on a date in about two years now. Ultimately, there’s nobody to blame for such circumstances except for myself, but to be perfectly honest, I kind of don’t even know where to begin.

It’s not like I can go to Publix and be all like “oh, you’ve got one item? Please, go ahead” in the checkout line, and strike up a scintillating conversation with a random stranger, culminating with the birth of a blossoming relationship. No, it would result in us holding up the checkout line, people behind us getting pissed, the cashier getting impatient with our inconsiderate behavior, and a girl, who capitalized on my generosity getting the fuck out of the place even sooner because I was being a mush.

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Why do bad things always happen around this time of year?

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, the news of the world currently is that two bombs were set off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, and at the time I’m writing this, three are confirmed dead as a result, and hundreds of people are injured and hospitalized.  Additionally, there is no clue to whom is responsible for the bombings, but it’s being perceived as a probably act of terrorism, and the scary thing is that it purportedly could have been worse, as there were claims that additional bombs were found undetonated, also along the race path.

Obviously, this is a horrible incident and leads to the path of thinking of whom in their right mind could perpetrate such a heinous act, why they would want to target innocents at a major gathering event.  I really do feel for those affected by this horrible incident, and I’m easily someone who really wishes the absolute worst on the person or persons responsible for the act, and wouldn’t mind hear of them being put to justice with some extreme prejudice.

But I could seemingly inappropriately change gears a little bit, I have to say that it’s really not that surprising that something so horrendous happened.  But it’s my brog, and I write what I want to.  Yes, it’s going to sound selfish, conceited and certainly making it about me, but if there was ever one occasion where I think I could be given just a little bit of leeway for doing so, it would be my birthday, which is just days away.  The bottom line is that as long as I’ve lived, there’s been this odd propensity for horrendous events to happen near or around my birthday.

And as far as I’m concerned, it’s kind of not fair, and it really upsets me.

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I don’t think I like this place anymore

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I’ve seen this sign countless times in my life, but I never really thought about it until today. Visually, it’s essentially a can with a bite taken out it. A can. An aluminum one, I’m presuming, no less. There’s also a piece of paper or something behind it, but the focal point of it is still a can, with a bite taken out of it.

Who the hell would take a bite of a can? I don’t understand it. I also don’t understand how such a shoddy display of “art” is the de facto visual representation of attempting to discourage people from littering.

The message really being sent is “we understand that that aluminum can probably did not taste vey good in that massive bite you took, Mr. Sasquatch, but please don’t haphazardly toss it aside.”

But this was one of the fluffier thoughts going through my head this weekend. Otherwise, it’s been a fairly trying and difficult few days, and I can’t really sleep right now, because all I really feel is this gloomy disappointed feeling. Naturally, out of courtesy to those who wish to look/”borrow” pictures or see what lame attempts at humor I make next, I’ll keep the more emo-y words behind a courtesy jump, for all six of you that actually read what I write.

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I’ve been in a funk lately

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

And I’ve got a pretty short fuse, and just about everything in the world is agitating me lately.

I could go into further detail, but the effort required to formulate my thoughts into words to describe how much work is sucking lately, and how much it sucks to think about what it’s going to be like the next time go up to Virginia to visit family just seems so exasperating.

It’s also one of those periods of time when I feel kind of isolated from the world, and that there’s really nobody around that I feel comfortable speaking with who’s remotely available to speak with when I need it.

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A little bit of reality

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

In spite of the fact that I have a tendency to try to not entirely get too personal with what I write on my brog, there comes times in which frankly I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can really talk to and actually feel like I’m getting any modicum of empathy or support.  And I can’t really say that people are obligated to provide such, since we all have our own problems in our lives, and some most certainly more severe than others, especially compared to someone else’s problems.  I think we live in a pretty screwed up times right now, everyone is a little bit more jaded, everyone is a little bit more hardened, and it’s hard to be sympathetic towards others when the world around just ourselves isn’t entirely the best it could possibly be.

It’s times like this in which, where sometimes it really feels like all I can do to not feel so bottled up is to just write it out, throw it up on the brog, and leave it to random chance to who reads it or not, and whether or not they want to do their best impression of an ear to speak into, despite the fact that I’ll likely be writing out everything I’d be saying anyway.  Nobody wants accountability anyway, so there’s no obligation, and I don’t track who reads what I write, let alone sees or acknowledges that I write, because I’m long beyond the days of obsessively tracking hits and analytics, since I always felt that such research took something away from the exercise of simply writing.

For the past two years and change, my parents have been having some marital issues.  I’m old enough to understand the situation, and not fall into the clichéd fallacy of believing that it’s by any fault of my own or my sister’s, but it still doesn’t really make it any easier to know that the relationship between my own mother and father is deteriorating, and despite their bullshit claims, is not getting better.  At this point, for the sake of their sanity, as well as for my sister and I’s as well, divorce looks to be the best possible option, and it’s got to be pretty bad when divorce is seen as a positive option.

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