Tag: wrestling

The outcomes are fixed, but the moves are still real

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

And highly dangerous in the hands of untrained Missouri rednecks.  There’s an amount of jokes I’d want to say in light of the context of this story, but considering a two-year old little girl was killed because a man was a stupid piece of shit, I will try to be a little selective with my choice of words.

I’d be lying if I didn’t demonstrate my adult strength over a child before, but the difference is that I’m not actually throwing my nephew or the kids of my friends in any manner that can cause anything other than delirious laughter and want for repeat performances.  But that’s the difference between adults with brains, and those without.

Considering the perpetrator in question here was actively abusing his teenaged girlfriend’s kid to begin with, it’s almost another level of sadism that he was performing wrestling moves with the likely intent that wrestlers portray on television, but with no training from either party, resulted in actual pain and damage.

I’m actually surprised that the article actually names any specific moves, citing that among the numerous physical traumas inflicted on the kid, one of them was a Batista Bomb, which those in the know, know is a sit-down power bomb.  Honestly, I’m actually perplexed on how this actually worked considering the difference in sizes between a 24-year old idiot and a 2-year old toddler; like dropping into a sitting position would physically make it impossible for the kid to hit simultaneously, but why am I even bothering pondering this, when the lack of training probably made things worse, in a lethal way.

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I find this offensive

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Who is the ultimate Warrior?  Between Stephen Curry and Kevin Durant?

How about fucking neither?? 

How about having some god damn respect for the most polarizing man in the history of the professional wrestling, and not comparing him to an industry full of bitches and is somehow more fake?

Look, I get that ESPN is all buddy-buddy with the WWE these days, and I know Stephen A. Shit is pretty much the worst talks-about-sports guy in history, but jesus christ it’s never a low they’ll sink to in order to have a clever quip or graphic to put onto screen.

Neither is an ultimate warrior, but if you had to answer who was the best between the two, the answer is obviously Stephen Curry.  The guy won without Durant, and then Durant being the lazy gravy-training leech, jumped ship from a great team onto the best team, hoping to coast his way to his own ring.  I mean, never in my life did I ever think that anyone would be clawing to join the Golden State Warriors, but I’ve also seen the Cubs win the World Series too.

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A completely different meaning for wrestling fans

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Over the last few weeks, I’ve heard a radio spot for this employment app called Jobber.  Supposedly, it’s this comprehensive all-in-one employer app that can do everything from asset management, payroll, hiring, and all the other bullshit nuances that go into day-to-day business operations.  Honestly, it seems kind of cool, and like the perfect kind of tool for inexperienced business operators to get their feet wet in the world of commerce.

However, what I can’t get around is their name.  Jobber.

I would wager money that I’m not the only person in the world in their car or listening to Sirius radio elsewhere that heard this radio spot and immediately had their wrestling fan senses triggered by name Jobber and started thinking about constant losers like Heath Slater, the Brooklyn Brawler, Alex Wright, Tommy Dreamer and Crash Holly, among countless others.

To people like us, the phrase “jobber” will never be synonymous with a potentially useful employment application; jobber will first and foremost always be a phrase used to describe a professional loser, who shows up to work, gets their ass kicked, loses a wrestling match, but then gets paid at the end of the day, they go home, and the cycle repeats itself for however long as they are needed to do so.  Jobber isn’t just a noun, the act of jobbing is also a clearly defined verb, and it’s pretty efficient at being an adjective as well.

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Unexpected, but unsurprising

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I can’t for the life of my say that I’m at all surprised by this: Sean Waltman AKA X-Pac, busted with a whole lot of drugs with the intent to sell

My friend texted me this story, along with the commentary that this was the least surprising story in the world.  I can’t say that I disagree one bit.  X-Pac getting busted for pot and meth seems about as much of a shocker as finding out Lance Bass was gay on the cover of People magazine.  Perhaps it’s the fact that X-Pac has looked like the living embodiment of a sexual transmitted disease for the better part of his professional life makes it seem like such a no-brainer, or perhaps it’s the fact that he’s allegedly been connected to lots of drug use in his life previously that does it.

An unsubstantiated remark sure, but he did make a sex tape with Chyna (RIP); it happening without the aid of some drugs seems kind of unbelievable too.

Whatever though, there’s just something funny about seeing anything at all about X-Pac in the news.  He’s pretty much a living joke, and even the mere mention of the phrase “X-Pac” is enough to draw snickers out of anyone who’s ever watched pro-wrestling in the 90s.  The fact that he was dumb enough to be caught with a ton of drugs in the first place just adds to the amusement in the story, because of course X-Pac, the guy who made the better part of his career chopping an X over this genitals and saying “suck it” on cable television whom one of his signature moves was shoving his crotch in the face of a prone opponent, was caught with a ton of drugs.

There’s really not a whole lot of additional commentary I can add to this, as much as I’d have expected to churn out a thousand words about the topic.  X-Pac’s always been reputed as a scumbag, so to see him getting caught for actually being one isn’t at all surprising.  Again, it’s just more amusing that X-Pac is in the news again at all.  At least his other Kliq buddies have sort of been doing some less illegal things with their lives lately, like visiting a buddy who opened up his very own Shoney’s.  God damn, does Scott Steiner look like a fucking jacked Colonel Sanders in that photo.

I got nothing else.  X-Pac, lol.

Vote for THE BIG RED REPUBLICAN

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I’d be afraid to know what happens to those who don’t vote for him: Glenn Jacobs, better known as the WWE’s Kane, also known as “The Big Red Monster” or “The Devil’s Favorite Demon” . . . appears to be headed towards a run for mayor, of Knox County in Tennessee.

Man, bless Jesse Ventura.  Because he succeeded at going from pro-wrestling into politics, there will never be a shortage of wrestlers in the future that will believe that politics isn’t something that they can’t get their feet into if they really tried and campaigned well enough.

As for Kane, I’d be hard pressed to believe that he wouldn’t make a good mayor, if voters could inevitably shake the preconceived notions of a candidate being a professional wrestler.  Unbeknownst to those who have a hard time seeing wrestling as a dumb profession, Kane, or rather Glenn Jacobs, is widely regarded amongst his peers as one of the more intelligent and well-respected professionals in the business.  Someone who is smart about his health, nutrition, and an overall team player that has always done whatever that has been asked of him for the betterment of the company before himself.  There’s a reason why he’s been regularly on television for nearly the last two decades, while there’s a laundry list of guys who have come and gone like the McRib.

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NXT Bobby Roode: All entrance, no substance

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I watched NXT TakeOver: Dallas the other night, and it was the first time I’d ever gotten to tune into an NXT TakeOver event. I was really looking forward to it, as throughout the last two years, NXT events have developed somewhat of a reputation of being hands and down better than the “upgraded” WWE level content, not to mention the fact that I was getting to spend an evening with some friends that I hadn’t seen in quite some time.

After the show was over, and Bobby Roode was anointed the new NXT champion (oh… spoiler alert), I couldn’t help but feel this massive sense of dissatisfaction at the show as a whole.  The current NXT roster is stacked full of former TNA and Ring of Honor expats, which isn’t necessarily always a bad thing in some cases, but it’s straying from the idea of homegrown talent and creating stars out of basically nothing.

I’m still not convinced that either Eric Young or Roderick Strong can succeed, much less make it to the main roster in spite of their wealth of combined experience in TNA and/or Ring of Honor.  The women’s division, which was revered as one of the crown jewels of the organization was represented by a pathetic match featuring champion Asuka, versus basically three green chicks that were basically two Eva Maries and an inexperienced Molly Holly.  Needless to say, my power of prediction was as sharp as it’s ever been when it comes to watching wrestling, and simply just by understanding the rhythm and politics of the WWE, was still able to accurately predict and nail just about every single one of the matches throughout TakeOver: Dallas.

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Another piece of childhood biting the dust

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Happy trails, Jimmy Snuka: “Superfly” has passed away.

There’s no sense in me writing yet another long-winded eulogy for a professional wrestler.  Jimmy Snuka wasn’t taken from the world far too young; he was 73 years old and certainly lived out a fairly full life, albeit probably wrestled a little longer than he probably should have, but such is often the case of professional wrestlers from the 80s and 90s who literally have nothing else to do but continuing to don the tights and get in the ring.

My last visit to the topic of Jimmy Snuka was marred with skepticism and questions of his honesty and intentions, as it seemed a little too convenient for his health to so rapidly begin deterioration as involvement in a third-degree murder/manslaughter charge began to creep up on him, but then again non-physical variables are certainly capable of manifesting physical ailments due to the limitless power of the brain to the body.

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