Tag: advertising

Man, What A Stupid Commercial #012

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

It’s not so much really stupid as it is ironically funny, which in the end makes it kind of stupid.

Summary: Rookie police officer hops into shotgun with superior officer, bringing a new KFC “Go Cup,” which contains fried chicken strips and potato wedges. Rookie officer is a young white male, commanding officer is rotund black male. Commanding officer looks with envy at the rookie officer’s snack. Suddenly the dispatch radio is announcing a 10-31, which is police code for crime in progress. Commanding officer eyes the rookie cop, and gives him his best “go get ’em, tiger,” and the rookie books it out of the car to go investigate. With the rookie cop now gone, the commanding officer leisurely helps himself to the abandoned chicken – cue beauty shots and call outs.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #010

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Synopsis: in a game between the Heat and the Thunder, Kevin Durant is slashing through the lane, and is thinking about throwing down a boomshakalaka. Amidst his drive, Dwyane Wade breaks off his cover to challenge Durant, and when Durant takes off, he is met with a Mutombo-like rejection at the rim. Instantaneously, Kevin Durant snaps awake because IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM.

But the dream was real enough to inspire Kevin Durant to embark on a Gatorade-sponsored training montage, where he does every single lift and exercise he possibly can do, while pounding Gatorade products in between.

Eventually, an actual Heat/Thunder game is taking place, and there’s two minutes left, and the Heat are up by two. Kevin Durant has the ball and is bringing it up the court, and is thinking about rectifying a dreamed reality. He cuts and slashes into the lane, and is thinking boomshakalaka. Dwyane Wade sees what’s going on, and breaks off his man, and goes to challenge Durant. Both men go up, but this time, all the Gatorade-sponsored training has paid off, and Kevin Durant takes Dwyane Wade to poster city.

But then Dwyane Wade snaps awake because THAT WAS JUST A DREAM TOO.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #006

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I have to admit, that after this commercial aired, I was kind of surprised. It was without question, the poorest quality animation that I’d ever seen aired on national television, and I couldn’t really believe that someone out there paid the money to both produce such a putrid animation, as well as actually pay whatever money it took to get it to air nationally.

No seriously, this looks like one of those flash animation generators where random people can write a basic dialogue script, and then it generates a crappy flash video where all the voices are Steve voice, and people think are funny. Except worse. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen better animation on public access television.

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Man, What A Stupid Commercial #001

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

I title this with a number as if I’ll remember to keep it going as time passes. Commercials are relatively a nuisance to begin with, and when I have the misfortune of watching television that isn’t DVR’d, I’m at the mercy of having to sit through them. But every now and then I’ll see a commercial that is just bad, and stands out as bad amongst all the other bad advertising that exists. Commercials that make my contort my face and wonder “what the fuck was that?” Commercials that I’ll deem as stupid for a variety of different reasons, or multiple/all of the above.

But since lately with the inception of a Facebook account, I’m having a tedious time coming up with things to brog about; at least with commercials, there’s an endless well in which stupid content might trigger the urge to slap some words down onto the interwebs. And here we stand.

Does any company truly fail at marketing more than Pepsi? Serious question. The company spends an egregious amount of money to market, but in the end, so little of their marketing actually is good marketing. At first it was the overblown, overly-winded explanation of how the current Pepsi logo came to with inspiration from The Golden Ratio, Michaelangelo’s David, the Mona Lisa, and all sorts of other trite, convoluted explanations that are more laughable than memorable.

But commercials like this have me wonder what the fuck Pepsi is thinking sometimes.

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It’s amazing how little Nike has to try anymore

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All throughout the summer, I’ve seen shirts that look pretty much just like this. Give or take the color; base it on a school, sports team, or just douchebag neon colors, all summer long, it’s been Nike shirts that have absolutely nothing on them but a couple of words in Futura Bold variant, AKA The Watchmen font, and a swoosh.

BRAVES BASEBALL. swoosh
PHILLIES BASEBALL. swoosh
NATIONALS BASEBALL. swoosh
BLACKSBURG. swoosh
KANSAS CITY KNOWS. swoosh
PACKERS JUST DO IT. swoosh
FAST IS FASTER. swoosh

and of course

JUST DO IT. swoosh

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It’s a good thing I don’t pay for this subscription

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Gordon Liu receives Maxim magazine, and has done so for the better part of the last decade.  For much of that time, Gordon Liu hasn’t actually paid for Maxim, but still continues to receive the magazine regardless.

Having been such a long-time subscriber to Maxim, Gordon Liu has seen the gradual, but consistent degradation of the quality of the magazine.  Gordon Liu is happy that he hasn’t been paying for Maxim, because frankly, this magazine hasn’t been worth actual currency for at least the last five years.

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Jimmy John’s, Snickers, and Brock Lesnar

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Ever since Brock Lesnar came back to the WWE, there’s really only one thing I couldn’t ever get around. Not the fact that he still can’t cut a promo to save his life, not that he’s obviously using the WWE again for his personal agenda, and not the fact that he doesn’t actually perform in anything other than pay-per-views, but the fact that he has been a walking advertisement for Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches.

I’m guessing that Lesnar has had some sort of pre-existing sponsorship contract with the company that had been grandfathered in and strategically maneuvered into his current WWE deal, because no individual has really pimped a product out like this since X-Pac pimped some energy drink but he had pull with the company then, but the point remains is that it’s unusual for any wrestlers to have sponsorship. The company as a whole, is a different story, but typically you just don’t see individuals having such types of deals, let alone wearing fucking company logos on their apparel, three times larger than their own personal branding.

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