Advent Beer #12: Loncium Vienna Style Lager by Privatbrauerei Loncium

My first thought when I pulled this can out of the fridge was that this was definitely, had to be, a stout, porter or whatever dark beers there are out there. I mean the whole thing is as brown as a bar of chocolate with accents of other shades of brown on it. But then I’m examining the can and all the brown on brown and amidst all the words that can be made out is “Vienna style lager.”

A lager? This brown ass can? Then my thoughts wondered on if there were even porters, stouts or dark beers even available in Deutschland.

In spite of the completely misleading can design, out pours a rich amber bier that is completely unexpected based on the way the can looks. Clearly, German aesthetics play by a completely different set of rules and fuck you for being presumptuous.

As stated, it’s a lager, Vienna style. And I realize that I don’t have a tremendous amount of experience with Viennese bier, despite the fact that I’ve been there before. It was Christmas time when mythical then-gf and I visited Wien, so we actually drank more mulled wine from boot-shaped mugs than anything else, but I do remember that we had some beer at a really really good schnitzel restaurant we went to, but it didn’t really stand out too much.

Either way, this beer by some private brewery named Loncium, is very good. It’s not too bitter, it’s smooth and not too light but not too heavy either. It goes down smooth, and despite my fairly basic description of it, it’s just that, fairly basic, but it’s done so well that I feel no hesitation at ranking it in the upper half of my subjective novice rankings.

Looking at more information about this beer, it appears that the company doesn’t even produce this beer anymore, which is a shame, because it’s really quite good. Whenever I go to a place like Total Wine or one of those booze Walmarts that has a ton of foreign beers, I’d actually feel inclined to look for this if I were in the mood for snooty foreign beer.

Regardless, we’re halfway through the calendar, and I still don’t feel burnt out by this nightly writing, nor do I feel the need to cop out or cheat (yet). With 12 more days left, let’s hope I can continue on with this, and I can honestly say that almost all of these beers were good in their own ways, with me enjoying nearly all of them, except maybe the last 2-3.

Current Rankings:
1. First Coral (#2)
2. Kirta (#5)
3. Turbo Prop (#6)
4. Perlenzauber (#9)
5. Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
6. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
7. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
8. Grandl (#11)
9. Hell (#1)
10. Tannen Hell (#8)
11. Tradition (#10)
12. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #11: Grandl by Ankerbräu Nördlingen

Eleven days in, I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t really know much about beer, and that I most certainly judge books by their covers.  That said, I had optimistic hopes for tonight’s beer as I’ve been not having the greatest time with job these days and drinking on Fridays always seems like a good idea after a long week of work, and I was wondering if whomever put together this advent calendar had the wherewithal to put some quality beers on the Fridays of the calendar, because it’s not like they wouldn’t be able to look at a calendar to know when they are.

So when I pulled Grandl out of the fridge, I was pleased to see a fairly traditional, nondescript beer can design that reminded me of a throwback style like a Miller High Life can or like the Milwaukee Brewers typeface, which are kind of the same things considering Miller’s influence with the Brew Crew.

But anyway it’s almost like this can was a metaphor for the beer itself, because out of the can came a clean, golden lager with not a lot of aroma.  The first sips were positive, but not really blown away; everything about this beer seemed pretty no-nonsense, nothing special, but at the same time not at all bad, and very drinkable.

The fact that BeerAdvocate lists this as simply “lager” and not like “festlager” or “alleybier” or “kellerbrau” or some other weird classification I’d never heard of until embarking on this journey, brings everything back to earth for something simple, basic, yet perfectly adequate.

Sure, it’s not bursting with flavor like Turbo Prop (#6) or has the explosive characteristics of a good dunkel like Kirta (#5), but it’s still a classic, smooth beer that goes down smooth, doesn’t overstimulate my novice pallet, and is something I know I could drink 2-3 of without breaking a sweat.

Either way, I’m gassed.  I found myself already beginning to fall asleep at 8:45, while trying to watch Scrooge virtually with some friends, but such shouldn’t be a surprise considering I’m raising an infant that’s up by 6:30 every morning.  And I thought I was all ahead of the curve by knocking out all of my daily chores and running earlier in the day that I’d be able to have a ton of time to myself to wind down the evening, but now all I want to do is go to bed before 11 pm and actually feel like I can get some sleep, so this review is about as long as most of the other beer reviews but is in fact full of fluff and talking about how I’m wrapping this up but overall, Grandl was solid, refreshing, and it’s general position in the rankings don’t do it justice as much as it shows where it stands to other beers with stronger gimmicks and more memorability.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Perlenzauber (#9)
  5. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  6. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  7. Grandl (#11)
  8. Hell (#1)
  9. Tannen Hell (#8)
  10. Tradition (#10)
  11. Käuzle (#3)

 

Advent Beer #10: Tradition by Herrnbräu

Ten days in, two weeks left until Christmas, and that many more beers to go.  So far, so good.  I’m at that point in my Christmas shopping where I’ve gotten almost my entire list taken care of, but now I’m where I feel like I haven’t gotten enough for some people, and am kind of scrambling on trying to think of more things to get without breaking my back or my wallet.

I also want to go out to some stores, but I hardly have time because of baby and pandemic, so I have to show some restraint.  Besides, if I go to some stores, they’re likely to be full of people who don’t seem to grasp that we’re still in the middle of a pandemic, but then again I’m also wanting to go out and get some fairly frivolous things myself.

Speaking of pandemic, you’d think the world were completely normal, based on how many fucking people were outside my home today.  Surveyors from the county were in my neighborhood, my next door neighbor had landscapers tending to their neglected property for like two fucking hours, and then I had UPS, FedEx and the always last USPS coming and going all throughout the day, and whenever they’re near my house, my fucking dog loses her shit, and this especially sucks when my child is down for her second nap of the day.

Why the fuck aren’t people staying the fuck inside??

I digress, because at this point it’s pointless to even speculate, despite the fact that everyone already knows the answer to such redundant questions: because America sucks, and it makes me sad to acknowledge that, but it couldn’t possibly be any truer to state.

SO, I result in drinking in the evenings, not just because I have a goal in mind, working my way through 24 days of this advent calendar of beer, but because on days like today, it just seems appropriate to wind down the day with a nice cold one.

Unfortunately, Tradition by Herrnbräu, is about as forgettable as they come.  Classified as yet another new category, festbier, it makes me think it’s supposedly supposed to mean “festival beer” in which I guess it’s not an inaccurate description of Tradition, because it is the kind of light-bodied, sort of short on flavor swill that would be made in huge batches to be enjoyed at festivals, but when the day is over, really is kind of forgettable.

It tastes like a generic lager with a slightly metallic taste at the very end that I find a little off-putting, but because it’s so light-bodied and not that over-flavored, it’s easy to drink in heavy pulls, and finish fairly quickly and set myself up for a refill.  This is an easy bier to get buzzed on as a result, and I drank mine fairly quickly because I started later than I normally like, and that it was easy to drink.

Anyway, I do not rate it very high because it’s pretty forgettable in the grand spectrum of the beers that I’ve drank so far, and I’m hoping as the weekend approaches, there are some really good ones in the cache, and I would really tip my cap off to Costco or whomever put this together, if they actually paid attention to the calendar when establishing the lineup for this advent calendar.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Perlenzauber (#9)
  5. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  6. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  7. Hell (#1)
  8. Tannen Hell (#8)
  9. Tradition (#10)
  10. Käuzle (#3)

Kenny Omega and a tale of two feds

I was watching AEW Dynamite the other night, Kenny Omega is cutting a promo, and I’m sitting there with scrunched eyebrows and wondering why all the smarks on the internet think that this guys is wrestling Jesus?  There’s no denying that when he’s in the ring he’s capable of god-like performances, but when he’s on the mic, he’s actually really quite cringe-worthy to listen to.

There’s a very obvious reason why he’s been paired up with “Cyrus the Virus” Don Callis, so that he can be the mouthpiece that Omega clearly desperately needs.

Back a few years ago, I remember hearing rumblings from wrestling scuttlebutt about this match that just happened in New Japan that was legendary status.  I’d heard Kenny Omega’s name in passing a few times and I’ve obviously heard of Bullet Club, but I didn’t really follow NJPW much then so I knew nothing about him really.  But based on just how much buzz Omega vs. Kazuchika Okada was getting, I became curious.  It started with a few highlight packages on YouTube which were pretty good, and then I found a video of the entire match, and I remember my eyes bugging out seeing the preceding 1: ahead of the time; an hour long match, really??

I watched the whole thing, and it wasn’t difficult to do at all.  Omega and Okada really did put together a legendary match, and one that could very well stand the test of time, and be mentioned in the same breath as legendary clinics like Flair/Steamboat or Steamboat/Savage.  It broke the rubric of famed wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer’s rating system, and it was understandable why.

It served as inspiration to me to want a replica of the IWGP World Championship, despite the fact that NJPW doesn’t sell more than 1,000 copies a year, so I knowingly purchased a Pakistani knockoff, because I just wanted one for my collection based on how good Omega/Okada was.

The thing is, Kenny Omega’s general popularity was built on the reputation of a handful of matches with Okada, and his body of work in NJPW, specifically as the Bullet Club “The Cleaner” persona.  I’m sure there are superfans out there that cite his pre-Bullet Club otaku gimmicks, and when he was wrestling blow-up dolls for DDT and other wacky shit he did, but for the most part, it’s safe to say Bullet Club and the series against Okada is what put Omega on the map.

I’ve made no secret to how critical I am towards AEW, and how I think it’s really a fed geared towards smarks.  And because of this, Omega will always be safe from irrelevance there, but I can’t believe that anyone can be objective about the idea of him being able to become popular from scratch, to American audiences who don’t have any inkling of idea who he was prior to AEW.

Because I have to imagine that anyone who doesn’t know who Kenny Omega was in Japan would probably think AEW Kenny Omega is kind of lame as shit.  The lifting of gimmicks from (now) old video games, the shotgun hand pointing, the Terminator crouch before diving out of the ring, the “you can’t escape” spot; these are all kind of lame for American audiences, but were all things he could get away with in Japan, because he’s a fascinating foreigner to Japanese fans.  And the fact that he hasn’t really evolved much since moving from NJPW to AEW goes to sell a little bit of narrative that AEW is sort of like a retirement league for himself and the Bucks, because none of them are remotely trying to grow now, and are just rehashing their existing gimmicks to an audience that might not be as familiar with them.

Continue reading “Kenny Omega and a tale of two feds”

Advent Beer #9: Perlenzauber by Privatbrauerei

When I first pulled the can out of the fridge, I immediately noticed the design of what appeared to be a woman looking in through a porthole, presumably underwater. My first thought was mermaid, but the rest of the can subtly looks like a barrel, and now it’s kind of fucked up, because a woman is trapped inside of a barrel that just so also happens to have a porthole.

Either way, it’s an eye-catching design, and as someone who judges books by their covers, it’s admittedly one that would make stop and examine if I were to come across this kind of can or bottle in a store.

As for the beer itself, I had a moment of pause when I saw that it was classified as “German Pale Ale,” because like I’ve said numerous times, I don’t know that much about the world of beer outside of drinking what I like to drink, so I see German pale ale and am really hoping that it’s nothing like an India pale ale, because if there’s one thing for sure is that I’m not really a fan of IPAs at all because they’re basically piss, so I’m hoping that a GPA is nothing like them.

Fortunately, after pouring it into a glass and taking the first sip, it’s definitely nowhere near the flavor or profile of an IPA. Honestly, I would’ve imagined that this was a lager if I didn’t look it up on BeerAdvocate for the proper name and source, and reading some of the cursory comments, I’m clearly not the only one.

Not sure if this is common for other German pale ales, but I certainly like them way better than IPAs.

Overall, nine days in, woman in barrel bier fares well. It definitely lives on the upper half of my now-rankings, and it’s got a pretty non-descript but light taste and body that was easy to drink, and I could easily envision myself drinking a couple of these if I were in an evening of drinking.

I guess it also doesn’t hurt that I had a particularly shitty work day, having been in meetings for six of the eight hours in my work day, some of them a little more invasive than others. But really that’s where drinking really steps up into the routines of life.

Current Rankings:
1. First Coral (#2)
2. Kirta (#5)
3. Turbo Prop (#6)
4. Perlenzauber (#9)
5. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
6. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
7. Hell (#1)
8. Tannen Hell (#8)
9. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #8: Tannen Hell by Hohenthanner Schlossbrauerei

I didn’t start drinking until I was 24.  I was admittedly one of those snooty 21-year olds with a stick up my butt that felt that he didn’t really need to drink at all in order to have a good time in life.  Eventually there were some changes in my life, and my sister was one of the people who really told me that I needed to loosen up and simply figure out how to have fun.  And among the changes I tried to make with my life then was that I figured that I should remove the stick out of my butt about drinking and just give it a shot.

So for the next few years I was making up for a lot of lost time, and I was basically trying everything.  Pretty early on, I realized that hard shit wasn’t really for me, wine was only on special occasions, and that when the day was over, beer was probably my jam.  And one of the things I learned early on, was that Asian beers, were pretty tame in terms of ABV, flavor, and other criteria that are popularly utilized to measure a beer.

Well, Tannen Hell, in spite of being a German bier, is basically an Asian beer.  My eyebrow furrowed after I popped the can, gave it a sniff, and poured it into my glass, and it was as bright and clear as lemonade.  Immediately, I began to hypothesize that this was going to be a fairly weak flavor, and it was confirmed seconds later with the first sip.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t terrible.  According to the snobs at BeerAdvocate, it’s classified as a lager, but this is an instance where I’d wonder if there’s some sort of subclass that this could be categorized in instead, because I’ve had my share of lagers, and few of them have been as light-bodied and as tame tasting as this one was.

It almost had like a cherry, fruity note somewhere in the flavoring, but that was about as much flavor as this beer had.  As I said, it was kind of bland, very light, and in spite of the 4.9% ABV, this is one of those times where I call bullshit because it’s almost like the closest thing to a Miller Lite I feel like I’ve had from a brand outside of ‘Murica.

Don’t really have much else to say about this one, and the fact that I’m itching to wrap this up because I have some 90 Day Fiancé to catch up on says everything that really needs to be said about Tannen Hell.  It’s not the worst of the bunch, but barely.

Current Rankings:

  1. First Coral (#2)
  2. Kirta (#5)
  3. Turbo Prop (#6)
  4. Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
  5. Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
  6. Hell (#1)
  7. Tannen Hell (#8)
  8. Käuzle (#3)

Advent Beer #7: Jubiläumsbier 333 by Schloßbrauerei Rheder

Full disclosure: I copied and pasted all that shit in the headline from Untappd.  Like hell was I going to bother to try and typeset all of those special characters.

While I was drinking this beer, one of my friends and I were texting about the state of the Washington Redskins Football Team and Pittsburgh Steelers game.  The Steelers were 11-0 undefeated going into this game while Football Team was a woeful 4-7 but still were still basically in playoff contention because they happened to be in the worst division in the history of the NFL apparently.

Naturally, this had every recipe of a classic trap game; the undefeated juggernaut, versus the team with literally no name who was slogging through the season, and the Steelers were undoubtedly thinking about next week’s game against the Buffalo Bills.

Of course, Football Team would upset the Steelers, and despite the fact that I really don’t give two shits about the NFL much less most other sports this year during a pandemic while I’m raising a baby, I can still take satisfaction at a historically overhyped franchise like the Steelers meeting their demise against a woeful franchise like Football Team, and this is where I hope Football Team wins the division with a 6-10 record, gets a home game against like the Wild Card Seahawks who have maybe 10 wins and then embarrasses them, as well as everyone else en route to a Super Bowl where a team called “Football Team” is Super Bowl champions.

Anyway, all the while my friend and I were bullshitting, I was enjoying today’s bier, which I have no earthly idea on how to pronounce nor do I really even feel like trying.  One of the things I’ve enjoyed doing every day is ritualizing the pour into the pint glass, and taking stock of what color comes out of each can.  333 is a nice red color, that didn’t have a tremendous amount of aroma to it, and I found it to be quite delightful to drink.

There’s a kind of a smoky flavor at the end, and overall it kind of reminds me of a Killian’s Irish Red, but that is a beer that I like, so that is meant to be a positive comparison.  As has been the case over the last few beers, it was kind of medium bodied, and I’m not sure if I’d have the desire to drink more than 2-3 of these if I were ever in a night of drinking, but it’s still a decent beer.

If I’m ranking these, this falls into #4 out of 7, which is dead middle of the pack.  If I’m a betting man, I have to wonder what my chances are that I’ll actually be able to accurately maintain a ranking order of my picks, unless I start tabulating them onto the tail ends of every single one of these posts?  I feel like I’m already starting to lose track, and am forced to go refer back to my older posts to refresh myself already.