Oh Atlanta

I’m fairly certain that this isn’t the first time I’ve used this headline before. I’m too lazy to cross-check though, but the context is probably the same – shame. There’s also a high probability that if I have used it before, it too was probably related to one of Atlanta’s biggest embarrassments: MARTA.

Long story short: Due to the overwhelming problem of people urinating in MARTA elevators, MARTA will be wasting even more money to install “Urine Detection Devices” (UDDs) to attempt to deter people from peeing in the elevators.

Obviously, MARTA is one gigantic joke to the world, especially those of us that live in Atlanta, but honestly, I had no idea that this was even an issue. Being physically capable of using my legs, I have always utilized the stairs or the escalators, and I can honestly say that I’ve never once been inside of a MARTA elevator. But apparently, it’s among the worst experiences on the planet due to the fact that people have a tendency to use them as public urinals.

Thank goodness for physical competence.

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Somewhere, something has gone terribly wrong

This picture was taken at 7:10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on a Wednesday morning.  I am roughly 3.5 miles away from my final destination, and it will take me 30 minutes to traverse a stretch of road that would ordinarily take just under four, if traveling at the legal speed limit of 55 mph.  It is not the fact that this was exceptionally bad that serves as the impetus of this post, it’s the fact that this is absolutely ordinary that it does.

Actually, that’s not entirely true, because I’ve seen endured it worse before, many, many times.  These electronic signs scattered insufficiently throughout the outskirts of the Metro Atlanta area are harbingers of dread and symbols of ineptitude.  15-17 actually isn’t bad, as it’s usually 24-26 most of the time, and if there’s absolutely any precipitation, it’s 38-40; the general rule is to add 10-12 minutes to that, which is a more accurate estimation.  And if there’s an accident, it’s guaranteed to occur right under the sign, so that there’s absolutely zero chance of you knowing there’s an accident in advance and detour, and that you’ll see the sign just as you’re approaching the calamity.

Just once, during a particularly bad morning, I’d like to simply see it say “YOU’RE FUCKED.”

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Delta Airlines gets it

Long story short: In spite of the fact that the FCC has lifted the ban on cell phone calls during flights, Delta Airlines has stated that they will continue to not allow the use of cell phone calls during flights.

THANK GOD.

♥ Delta Airlines for doing this.

Especially since 90% of the flights I fly on are Delta, this is a massive relief to know that I will be absolved from having to listen to people blab away on their cell phones during the flight, when all I really want to do is read, peck away at my iPad and/or listen to music, without the sound of incessant chatter permeating between the cracks.

Otherwise, I hope this allowing of cell phones on flights blows up in everyone else’s faces. I hope people flying on United or American or Southwest enjoy the socially inconsiderate assholes of the world all whipping out their phones in the middle of their flights to ramble on and on about anything from their first-world problems, mind-numbingly work chatter, or gossip of the most inane and stupid shit on the planet.

I will enjoy the peace and mostly quiet that flying on Delta will continue to afford.

Owned.

Atlanta sports fans and the importance of antagonists

For the vast majority of the game, his back was to the field, and he instead was facing his fellow attendees in the stands instead of watching the game transpiring on the actual field itself.  Repeatedly, he would pace back and forth through the mostly-empty row of seats in which his own ticketed seat was located, and seek out fans wearing gear of the opposing team.  Whenever he located one, he would either pantomime that he was watching them, make a throat-slashing gesture, puff out his Atlanta Falcons sweatshirt, or all of the above, among a few other taunting gestures, like the “loser” L on the forehead gesture.

It did not matter if those he taunted were grown adults, or young children.  If they were wearing the other teams’ colors, they were fair game for taunting.  A grown man, taunting young children, and essentially calling them losers.

This wasn’t just an Atlanta Falcons fan; this was a typical Atlanta sports fan.

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This “gamers as athletes” is going a bit too far now

The guy on the left is Shin-Soo Choo.  Shin-Soo Choo is a Major League Baseball player, and an extremely talented one at that.  Aside from that, Shin-Soo Choo is something of an international hero, as he has been a chief member of the Korean National Baseball team that enjoyed moderate successes in tournaments such as the World Baseball Classic as well as the Asian Games.  Shin-Soo Choo is considered a genuine five-tool player; he hits very well, he hits with power (read: home runs), plays excellent defense, has a great throwing arm, and runs very effectively.  It is safe to say that Shin-Soo Choo is the most talented and successful Korean-born Major League Baseball player in history.

The guy on the right is Dong-Hwan Kim.  Dong-Hwan Kim plays Starcraft for a living.  He sits at a computer for a living, staring into a monitor, playing a video game.  The only physical thing he really demonstrates is dexterity with his fingers, or as those in such a scene like to refer to as “Actions per minute (APM)” which is basically just how good a guy is at repeatedly clicking a mouse and a few keys on the keyboard.

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Chalk this up in the “no shit” column

POLL: Most Americans don’t want cell phone calls on planes

Most Americans also don’t want increased gas prices and higher taxes.  The sky is also blue, and human beings breathe air to live.  Wet water.  Hot fire.  Ninja Assassin.

Yeah no shit most Americans don’t want people to be able to make phone calls while in flight.  The people that aren’t “most” ARE the inconsiderate motherfuckers who want to be able to make obnoxious phone calls while in flight.

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I’m not really a fan of smokers

To some, it might seem like a trite thing; a dirty habit we know isn’t good for anyone, but it’s so socially accepted, that it’s easily capable of being overlooked. And then there are people like me who have seen worst-case scenarios of what smoking can do to a person, and I’d rather not see any more of those scenarios occur to people I know, much less anyone I’d want to get involved with.

A funny thing happened to me at the store the other day. I went in to pick up a few little odds and ends, and things for firing up the grill and throwing down some good old-fashioned ‘Murican hamburgers. I’m in line at the register, and for whatever reason, the woman in front of me has managed to chase off the cashier, and we’re standing there silently, with me not really trying to veil my annoyance at her actions which has ceased all forward progress of the process of making transactions. But for all intents and purposes, my items were on the belt, but were far too numerous to re-basket and move to another, actually moving checkout line.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a petite girl enter the line I’m in, and put down a single item on the belt behind my items. I’m socially awkward enough around girls as it is, so I dare not look beyond the acknowledging-the-existence-of-another-human-being glance backward to see her. She’s kind of cute. A second later, what was likely her friends emerge, a pretty obvious couple, and rather . . . big folks.

In spite of my otherwise social shortcomings, I like to think I’m fairly astute in regards to my surroundings; there was plenty of garbled conversation, the couple friends sort of giggling, with the kind-of-cute girl repeatedly telling her friends to shut up, but in that teasing kind of way.

The big dude pipes up, and suddenly exclaims “I want what he’s having for dinner; some hamburgers,” referring to my pretty obvious items. This scenario is kind of coming together, and I’m fairly certain now that kind-of-cutie is notoriously single amongst her couple friends, and they’re teasingly spontaneously trying to wing for her, to me. I glance back and smile at the couple, while kind-of-cutie doesn’t look up.

Finally, the cashier returns, and for whatever reason, the woman who held up the line ends up walking away with no transaction completed. Finally, my items are finally processed and bagged. During this, I hear some mumbles amongst the couple, with kind-of-cutie telling them again to shut up. It’s at this time, big dude pipes up again, this time making a self-deprecating joke at their collective group how it takes three people to buy one item. I smirk at them again, again, kind-of-cutie isn’t looking back.

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