Month: August 2016

The story just somehow keeps getting better

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

REVA (Reír en voz alta (laugh out loud)): Gawker sold to Univision for $135 million dollars as a result of getting destroyed by Hulk Hogan

lol, Univision.  The entity best known for its Spanish-language television and ridiculously hot Hispanic weather girls on their news broadcasts.  They’re the ones buying Gawker, a husk of an internet rag once known for shitty, mostly plagiarized content with no regard for people. 

It’s like a match made in a South American hell, full of piss, tequila, corn tortillas and coatis.  This is mixing Wilfred with a Danny Trejo film.

And all because Gawker just had to fuck with Hulk Hogan.  Wrestling might be known to be “fake,” but there’s nothing fake about the power of retribution and good triumphing over evil that Hulkamania embodies.  The Iron Sheik, Andre the Giant, Randy Savage, Earthquake, Sgt. Slaughter, Ric Flair and even Vince McMahon.  There is nothing in the world that overpower Hulkamania; much less a sleazy internet shit-rag like Gawker.

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Diffusing an iBomb

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I take a modicum of pride in the fact that I have a paid off phone, free and clear.  I purchased my iPhone 5 back in 2013, making the switch from Android, and have not had any regrets.  I find iOS to be way more stable and easier to use, and the tiniest things that bothered me like a lag in swipes or keying in characters that plagued Android, were mostly not the case in iOS.

When the iPhone 6 and 6S emerged, it was a transitional time for the entire smartphone industry, in the fact that the old model of selling phones at a massive discount, but under two-year contracts were phased out, and that a new process of leasing phones, and basically paying for the entire cost of a phone over a span of time became the norm.

A lot of people were cool with this, because they simply loved the idea that there were no contracts, and that new phones could be acquired in a more timely fashion than those who lasted 20 months with a phone, grew impatient and anxious, and couldn’t not count down the days until the contract ended and they could get a new phone.

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The chork is chucking stupid

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Impetus: Panda Express considers using chorks at their restaurants; in other news, chorks exist, as a bastardized hybrid between a fork and chopsticks

First, chuck Panda Express.  They’re the chucking worst.  How does one describe being the KFC of Chinese food when they’re already on the same echelon of the genre?  I want to say Chinese culinary experts of the past would be rolling in their graves at the idea of fast food Chinese, but there’s a strange cycle of irony that a culture of cheaters, counterfeiters and lacking integrity or respect for copyrights is having their country’s food being bastardized and essentially counterfeited for fat American capitalistic profit.

But the creation of the chork?  I’m chucking chlabbergasted by such an abomination.  They’re basically a shitty fork on one end, and the worst pair of tweezers in the world on the other end, presumably trying poorly to simulate chopsticks.

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Player B is a greedy asshole

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Baseball legalese is a funny thing.  If a player under a contract declares retirement, they immediately forfeit the remainders of owed money on the contract.  However if a player under a contract declares that they are not physically capable of playing baseball any further, but not actually using the terminology “retirement,” then technically, the team(s) responsible for the contract are still obligated to continue paying their financial obligations.

Player A declares retirement, despite having one year and $12 million dollars left on his contract.  His team is absolved of having to pay $12 million dollars, upon finalization of retirement.

Player B holds a press conference to let the world know that he is physically incapable of playing baseball any further.  His contract has 4+ years remaining on it, at an estimated annual salary of $24 million dollars, per year.  As he has not officially declared himself retired, the contract is legally obligated to continue to be paid out until it expires or retirement is declared.

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Must be nice to be so rich, people don’t matter

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Good news: I secured tickets to Worlds, the League of Legends world championship, this year in Los Angeles

Bad news: They’re nosebleed seats, because I among hundreds and thousands of other aspiring ticket purchasers were unable to get luck of the draw through AXS’s convoluted “randomizing” ticket queue system

Naturally, thousands of people are livid at the system used by Riot Games to sell Worlds tickets this year.  Personally, I’m not pleased with it either, considering the planning, preparation and execution of my own pursuit to get the best possible seats, and still barely eked through to get shitty nosebleeds.  I mean, at least I managed to acquire tickets, but I’m not satisfied with the system in which they were acquired.

Basically, AXS is a company that somehow makes people wish Worlds tickets went on sale through Ticketmaster.  This is the equivalent of preferring Playstation 4s being sold at Walmart on Black Friday as opposed to buying them from AXS.  Never mind the bullshit fees that pretty much equate to a whole third ticket, because most people expect ticket sellers to rape people with their bullshit fees.

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Back in my day these were called “mobile homes”

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

What’s old is new: a “community of eco-friendly tiny houses” planned for East Point, a neighborhood located on the south part of Atlanta

I’ll be the first to say that although the traditional American dream often involves a “big house,” that personally, I’d rather not have so much house, that it becomes something of a burden in terms of property tax, upkeep, utilities, and simply not needing so much excessive space.  Conversely, I wouldn’t be keen on not having enough house, because that’s kind of the situation I’m in now, where it doesn’t feel like I have enough space anymore.

If given the choice, I’d rather have too much home over not enough home, every single day of the week.

That being said, I don’t understand the seeming rise of small home living.  I understand the want and importance for population density, and for a city like Atlanta that’s always trying to keep up with the Joneses, packing more people into its metropolitan area is always something of a concern.

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The most NOVA story ever

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Short story shorter: woman in smarmy Mercedes-Benz somehow manages to not just crash, but wedge her car stuck onto the bumper of a smarmier $300,000 Ferrari

Watching the corresponding video to this tragic story, all I could think about was the issues that fictional Eagletonians dealt with in fictional Parks and Recreation; shit like not enough lobster at the soiree, or the mineral water content in the urinals being not up to par.

But this is pretty much the most Northern Virginia story ever to happen.  A WASP pretending like they’re rich and white privileged, somehow managing to not just hit, but basically run over and get stuck on top of an extremely overpriced and expensive status symbol with wheels; owned by another WASP.  Not to mention the Benz had a vanity plate reading “DER BNZ” because nothing is WASPier than needing to let everyone know that your car is definitely of a German manufacturer.

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