I had a bad day yesterday. The irony in that statement is the fact that the day was neither good nor bad until I decided to go do a good deed, only for just about everything about it to blow up in my face and effectively make me feel that the day was now a bad one.
Seriously, from a supposedly “shouldn’t take too long” task ending up taking close to two hours of my life I’ll always feel to have been permanently wasted, which then put me into the perfect time frame to be in teeth of Atlanta’s perpetually idiotic Interstate 20-related traffic nightmare, all while it was raining; can we cut it out with the fucking rain, world? I think we get the point that global warming or whatever weather-related scientific downfall was all our fault, and that we’re subject to spontaneous shit weather, but enough of the rain.
Needless to say that by the time I had passed I-20 and was actually somewhat cruising, I was pretty disgruntled and angry with the world, and wondering when the fuck karma was going kick in, and some good fortune actually come my way for doing good things for others.
And then it occurred to me how fucking silly I must be, thinking that positive karma actually exists, because not that I’m keeping count by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I do, and have done plenty of nice things for others, and I honestly can’t really remember the last time any sort of good fortune came my way. Ultimately, I think that’s what makes things worse, it’s like the cherry on top of a shit sundae, where I hope that me suffering through a time-consuming, aggravating task accumulates enough good will to where it will get cashed in for something excellent later down the line, because as far as I’m concerned, that will frankly never happen.
The bottom line is that I need to really stop believing that doing good will return good my way at any time, because that’s really setting my life up to have one gigantic colossal disappointment that I’d be best at avoiding from here on out, because frankly the world does not owe us anything, and I sure as shit shouldn’t expect any positive luck to head in my direction all because of the accumulation of bullshit positive karma. It’s simply best if I just stop believing in positive karma.
Contrarily, I’m definitely not going to stop believing in negative karma. If I went a full 180 and started telling people off, doing real-life troll things to other people, no doubt I’d be asking for a car accident, getting pulled over for going 2 mph over, or some sort of cosmic payback for deliberately being a dick to the world. I hate to sound pessimistic, but it’s way too easy for bad things to happen to those who are asking for it, and in that regard it chalks up to the “life is like baseball” analogy, where outs, the worst thing in baseball, are seemingly way, way, way easier to come across than the vastly positive RBIs.
This doesn’t mean that I’m going to cease doing good things for others, because that’s just not my nature to shun the world deliberately, no matter how much I wish I could, especially if there are people in need and I’m available to help. It’s just that I’m not going to expect that anything genuinely good to really come out of it afterward, and that the time spent helping someone else is legitimately gone for good.
