I hate to talk about public restroom etiquette (again), but unordinary, and definitely unsavory habits are becoming so frequent that it’s become unavoidable. What I believe is that civilized people over the age of like, 3-4 years old should pretty much know how to use a public restroom; it’s really not that difficult, and yet, people, specifically the ones that work in my office building, are completely incapable of adhering to them.
Now I’m sure every single male that works in a place of business with other people has plenty of stories that they have the decorum to not share with others about other men who notoriously flush before they use a urinal, and then do not flush afterward. These people are both mental, and completely retar-actually, that would be a disservice to those people who are actually retarded, but are still capable of having the courtesy to flush the fucking toilet after they use it. So people who do not flush the toilet after they pee are both mental and just plain stupid.
We live in modern America, and as long as we have working plumbing and modern sewage systems, every person should have the right to approach a toilet and have it be crystal clear water looking back at them.
But anyway, I’ve identified plenty of guys on my floor and at my gym who are both mental and plain stupid. It’s unavoidable; guys who flush first, pee second are always going to be around, and they’re pretty much the equivalent of the common fly – you can go great periods of time and not see them, or you deal with them on a very regular basis; either way, they’re fucking disgusting, and do not deserve to live.
However, recently there has been an individual or individuals who is demonstrating a pattern that has me completely flummoxed by its absurd stupidity: a person(s) who washes their hands first, uses the toilet, and then leaves the bathroom without re-washing their hands.
I mean seriously, what the fuck? I could comprehend someone being so paranoid about letting their germy hands to actually touch their junk, so they wash their hands first, but to not wash their hands after doing their business? Is their dong made out of porcelain and incapable of transmitting germs? Have they perfected the ultimate peeing technique that results in absolutely zero chance of splash-back? Do they, shit rainbows??
In what reality is it acceptable to not wash your hands after excreting bodily waste? Those signs at restaurants that say “employees must wash hands before returning to work” need to not be so specific; the sign could be doubly and triply effective if it just said “wash hands.” It’s sad that apparently, clearly, people need to be reminded of that simple task.
I’m far from being a germaphobe or anything, but there’s a reason why I’ve taken up the habit of holding onto my paper towels until I get back to my desk. I don’t want to touch everyone’s cock and shit-smeared door handles and knobs if I can help it, Jesus Christ.
So let’s establish the hierarchy of public restroom deviants (men’s), least offensive to most:
- Doesn’t wash hands
- Doesn’t flush
- Doesn’t flush and doesn’t wash hands
- Flushes first, but doesn’t flush afterward
- Flushes first, doesn’t flush afterward, doesn’t wash hands
- Washes hands first, doesn’t wash hands afterward
- Washes hands first, flushes first, doesn’t flush afterward
- Washes hands first, flushes first, doesn’t flush afterward, doesn’t wash hands afterward
So based on this list, my place of work is currently hovering around the 6-7 area.
Which is a really crying fucking shame, that there are this many completely fucking unsanitary clueless morons in existence in the first place.
