Since it’s no secret that I have a fascination with the litany of train wreck programming shown on TLC, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’ve also been tuning into the latest people-watching debacle on the network, My Five Wives. This doesn’t mean that I support polygamy or anything in the least bit, but I do find it interesting to watch the fabricated lives of supposed real-life polygamists.
Personally, polygamy isn’t for me, because I find some of the backstory to Fundamentalist Mormonism somewhat disagreeable, with hints of greed and narcissism between the lines, loosely entwined with religion to make it taboo to argue against. Either way, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a show that exploits the lives of a modern polygamist family.
Needless to say, it’s definitely something to watch the trials and tribulations of the Williams clan of 30, living on a massive plot of land out in of course, Utah. I simply don’t know how or where Brady, the patriarch of the family manages to find the time and energy to satiate 29 other people when it comes to husbandly and fatherly duties, while having his own job and trying to complete school at the same time. Simply put, he really doesn’t, as there’s always a demand for his person, and there’s a great deal of sacrifices made by the wives and some of his elder children to pick up the slack.
To no surprise, the most compelling part of the show are the wives themselves, whom have to “share” Brady with one another. The general rule of thumb within their family is that on a daily basis, Brady “lives” with each family on a rotating nightly basis, not including special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays. Although they repeatedly claim to be okay with such a limiting arrangement, it’s obvious that, whether on their own volition or if they’re being coaxed by television, every single wife would obviously be happier if they had more time with their husband.
It’s an obvious tension that is easily seen, but whether if they are holding back on account of looking civilized on television, or if they really have no spines or respect for themselves, or if it could just be chalked up to being a religious thing, the wives all stand down and simply swallow their angst on a regular basis.
That being said, it’s still crystal clear that there’s a pecking order amongst the wives, that’s at least viewable to those watching on television. So without further ado, let’s put it down in writing, from most powerful to least powerful (I’d also disclaim that there are spoilers, but I can’t imagine many people aside from me to be such extreme TLC watchers to where it even matters):
Nonie, wife #4
Hands down, Nonie is the alpha of the Williams wives. High-maintenance and overly emotional, Nonie has built this reputation of being the biggest head case of the sister wives. Subsequently, nobody in the entire family wants to mix it up with her, because whether it’s with tears, yelling, or a combination of both, tangling up with Nonie turns out to be an exasperating experience for the adversary, as well as the television viewer.
Additionally, it’s been somewhat vague of what each of the wives does as their day jobs, but it is revealed that Nonie is the office manager for Brady’s construction company. This is a true power move within the Williams family, because although it’s made apparent that it doesn’t automatically mean Nonie spends more time with Brady, she is in a position to where she tries to exploit it to get more time with him than the other wives do, like when she goads him into viewing a venue with her for the company holiday party, when he really doesn’t have to, and actually ends up not doing it, because he’s a man and does whatever he wants to, but the effort on Nonie’s part was still legit.
Finally, there’s also the scenario that unfolds, that in spite of the fact that the Williams family has unloaded 24 children, none of the wives are truly content to stop siring more babies. Yet, in spite of the seemingly overkill amount of effort that would need to come into play if another kid were to join the fold, Nonie is the one wife that manages to talk her way into getting Brady to agree that they can have another kid.
Needless to say, Nonie probably spends more time with Brady than the other wives do, her volatile personality makes the other wives reluctant to confront her about anything, and when Nonie wants to have another baby, Nonie will get to have another baby, and in the process have way more sex with Brady than the other wives will.
At first, I was like “man, Nonie’s such a head case,” but after I came to the conclusion that it was all part of her establishing her dominance over the other wives, I began to admire her, and I enjoy watching her over all the other wives.
Rhonda, wife #5
Nonie might be the queen of the wives, but I don’t think any of the five wives has gotten nearly the amount of screen time as Rhonda has. Nonie might be the biggest head case of the wives, but I would have to say that Rhonda is the wife, simply put, with the most baggage amongst them.
It’s revealed that despite the fact that Rhonda is the last of the five wives to have been indoctrinated into the Williams clan, she actually knew Brady before everyone else, as they were supposedly childhood sweethearts. That in itself is kind of speculative and if you overthink it like I do, it seems kind of sad. She admits to turning him down and breaking up with him when they were younger, but then Brady goes on to marry four wives.
Rhonda should have, and could have been “the one that got away,” but eventually breaks down and ends up becoming one of the Williams wives in the end. It’s like I have to imagine that there’s a period of time where Rhonda struggles to grasp the ideals of Mormon fundamentalists and polygamy, has a chance to live a socially-accepted and perceived more normal monogamous life with someone else, but then her obsession with Brady sends her tumbling down the rabbit hole, and four wives too late to have been “the” first.
Brady claims that his marriage with Rhonda was “cheated out of ten years,” but there’s really nobody to blame for that other than Rhonda herself.
And then there’s the unfortunate breast cancer scare dilemma that has arisen in more recent episodes, whereas unfortunate as the circumstances are, are giving Rhonda a lot more screen time. And when it comes to television, screen time does equate to power, no matter how it’s acquired.
Paulie, wife #1
Paulie has the dubious honor of being the “first wife,” and at least in my opinion, the most attractive of the Williams wives. I’m not sure if there’s any distinct honor in being first wife or not, but there’s a remark that Rhonda makes in an earlier episode where it gives off the impression that there appears to at least be a sense of pride amongst women in being a first wife in a polygamist group. But either way, that title belongs to Paulie, and as it’s revealed, according to the American court of law, she’s the only one legally married to Brady, as the other wives are somewhat unsanctioned by American ideals.
She sits in the middle of the pack, because she’s fairly passive, and doesn’t have the volatile personality nor the baggage to be in the upper-tier of the wives. She gets a fair amount of screen time, because she’s probably the most aesthetically pleasing of the five wives, and by virtue of being the first wife, she has both the most, and the oldest children in the entire clan, and her teenage children become an easy target for basic family plots, like teenage dating, and young adults planning to leave the nest, so she gets to share her perspectives and opinions a good bit.
However, not that it’s a terrible thing, but Paulie’s so sweet and nice, but almost to a fault. Early in the series, she gets verbally obliterated by Nonie, who wastes little time in the show’s existence to assert dominance amongst the wives. There’s no resistance at all on Paulie’s front, and she ultimately runs to Brady to handle the dissention with her sister wife.
It’s not that Paulie’s weak, it’s just others are simply stronger.
Robyn, wife #2
Robyn’s place at #4 isn’t necessarily a sign of her weakness, it’s simply the fact that out of the five Williams wives, Robyn has gotten the very least amount of exposure at the time I’m writing this (six episodes). It’s like an episode of Storage Wars, when Brandi and Jarrod don’t get a locker at all, and have a big fat zero next to their name at the end of the episode, but Dave Hester or the fat German guy buys a dud locker and ends up losing money, and therefore places lower on that episode’s standings.
It’s undecided whether Robyn is stronger or weaker than #4, but until TLC sheds a little bit of spotlight on her, we won’t know. It could turn out that she’s got some baggage that is waiting to be unearthed, or the right scenario that sets her off hasn’t emerged yet, but as it stands now, by default, she stands on the lower echelon of the wives.
Maybe TLC is afraid of the very obvious pun of calling her “Robyn Williams” on the show.
Rosemary, wife #3
When the show first started up, and all five wives were introduced, it turned into an awkward “one of these is not like the others” situation when the five all stood together with Brady. Although it’s a terrible expression to use, there’s few others more succinct than saying that there’s an elephant in the room – Rosemary is the, well, biggest of the Williams wives, and there’s a stigma that goes with being a little obese on television, and every superficial television viewer like myself will call it out, whether privately or in the arena of a public brog that nobody will ever read.
Regardless, Rosemary falls to the bottom of the totem pole of the Williams wives, and not without reason, and not because of the seemingly obvious reason. Simply put, poor Rosemary gets crapped on more than the other wives do, at least as it’s shown on television.
Up until the latest episode, Rosemary had about as little screen time as Robyn had. And even when she was given screen time by virtue of having her one-on-one time with Brady, she was upstaged by both Paulie who needed help closing a sticky window in her house, and then by Rhonda expressing concern over a cancer scare, right before he left the house to go with Rosemary.
Such circumstances aren’t lost on Rosemary herself, who feels like somewhat of an outsider or victim of usurped husband time by her fellow wives, in spite of how undeliberate all accused parties claim. Frankly, I don’t think Rosemary is at all paranoid or crazy to think such things, because the show does seem to be (in)advertently edited to show some ugly duckling shunning by her fellow wives.
Case in point, the show has had episodes where Brady has gone on one-on-one excursions with Nonie and Rhonda previously. During these episodes, the remaining wives stayed at home and took care of their own business. However on the most recent episode where Rosemary was granted her private vacation with Brady, the four remaining sister wives were seen having a girls night out, dining together and enjoying the company of one another with Rosemary out of the picture. It’s like the scene of them all laughing together was some sort of schadenfreude towards the non-present Rosemary.
Needless to say, whether or not it’s deliberate, the way the show is edited, it definitely makes Rosemary look like the most weak and the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to the five wives. It’s kind of ironic that she also happens to be the largest one of the five, which unfortunately feeds the stigma that the more attractive sister wives get preferential treatment.
But that’s television, and how unfortunately the way things are in TV land.
