So over the weekend, my birthday came and went, and now I’m 32 years old, and really don’t feel that much different. There’s still the same general concerns about life, and how it occasionally feels like I have no general direction, which admittedly makes me feel a little blue, but when the day is over, I’ve still got it going fairly adequate as far as life’s necessities go.
In regards to my birthday party itself, I actually celebrated it a day earlier, due to the fact that something else came up on my actual birthday itself, and as far as I was concerned, it kind of took a little bit of a load off my back in trying to figure out something to do on my actual birthday. However, I ended up getting stupid sloppy drunk because I’m clearly very dumb, and when people kept buying me shots, I kept drinking them, but worse off, continuing to drink beer after beer on my own tab.
Although everyone there claims that I wasn’t pissing anyone off or anything, I still look back at that night with a sense of embarrassment in my drunken stupor. I’m very much an affectionate drunk from what I understand, so I get a little hug-happy when on the sauce, partially because I can hardly stand on my own two feet, either. I guess what it’s boiling down to is that I think I want to make a better effort in the future, that if I’m going to be doing any drinking, to limit it to one or the other; it’s not like I had a college white girl hangover or anything the morning after, but I’m pretty sure if I stuck to just shots or stuck to just beer, things might have been less embarrassing to feel about.
Such idea was quickly justified when on my actual birthday, I stuck to just beer, and despite the fact that I felt as bloated as an episode of Roseanne talking about menstrual cycles from as much as I had been drinking, but I had nothing more than a pleasant buzz to where I could maintain focused eyesight, coherent conversation, and the ability to walk fairly steadily.
Regardless of how I blue I may be feeling today, I still am pleased with how my birthday turned out. I’m happy for all the people that came out for me when I wanted to celebrate it, and it’s nice to know that in spite of all my personal hangups and personality quirks, there are people who think I’m decent enough to hang with on my whim.
I’m pretty sure the blue feeling is mostly because that with my birthday now a thing of the past, I’m in that awkward moment in time to where I’m not quite sure what to look forward to next, because I believe I’m just one of those people that just needs to always have something to be looking forward to, to keep me driven forward with life.
