Just when it seemed like I had nothing to write about today, the outlet known as “life” gave me something that might seem remotely interesting to at least one or two of my six readers.
I have a tendency to sit on cash sometimes. Sometimes it’s because no reason other than I simply don’t want to take the time to go a bank or ATM to deposit it, other times it’s like a mental challenge; like if I can operate my regularly scheduled life without X dollars in my account, I can always fall back onto this cash as something of a safety net.
Regardless, I spent a little bit of money that warranted me deciding to put the cash back into my bank account to cover for some of the expenditures, grant a little bit of breathing room and give me a little bit of peace of mind. So I went to an ATM to deposit the cash, and a hundred dollar bill kept getting spit out by the ATM. I tried it three times, to no avail. My skepticism was immediately piqued at that point, but there was also the remote possibility that it was ATM sensitivity.
Admittedly, the feel was a little too crisp, but given the fact that there are four different types of $100 bills in circulation right now, it’s hard to say what’s really the norm and what isn’t.
Out of curiosity, I asked the cashier at the grocery store if I could run their counterfeit pen over this bill. In theory, “safe” bills show yellowish markings, while on counterfeit bills, the ink immediately turns black. Upon marking my bill, the markings weren’t black, but at the same time they weren’t necessarily light yellow (It was closer to the image above). The cashier thought it was legit, but I could tell that my questioning of it made her question it, and upon asking their manager, he said it was bogus.
Needless to say, I probably should have just paid with the bill first and foremost, and not drawn any attention to it by marking it, but I guess that says something about me personally, and my general lawful tendencies that didn’t consider this until after the fact, due to the fact that I knew the money was already questionable, and that I frankly didn’t want to be known as the guy trying to pass off funny money, even if it means that I’ll ultimately be out $100 of my own pocket.
Regardless, I pursued the track of the lawful citizen and took the bill to my bank. I figured if anyone is going to know about currency, it would be a bank.
Three tellers examined the bill, ran it under their fraud detector device, and also noted the not-black markings on the bill. One teller said it was legit, another teller thought it was bogus, and the third went straight procedural, and decided to propose my only definitive option: send it out.
To the Secret Service.
If the money comes back green on their end, then my account is credited the $100. If not, well then, I’m shit out of luck, but at least I did the right thing in getting it out of circulation! (read: sarcasm, I’d rather have $100) Either way, the situation is closed and resolved one way or the other.
Again, I realize now that I probably could have just gone into the bank, cited sensitive ATMs, and manually deposited the cash into my account. But the law-abiding citizen in me acted in default, and chose the path of most lawful, even if it means that I’ll be out a hundred bucks. I also have to imagine that being a bank, that currency could very well have been traced back to me, and again, I sure as shit don’t want to be a guy getting slapped with a counterfeiting charge.
Anyway, two to three weeks is the estimate for a thorough analysis of my hundred dollar bill. By the Secret Service. There’s still a chance that this could all be one giant misunderstanding and that I just had some aberration of a Franklin, but honestly, I’m not holding my breath on this one. With the way life has been treating me lately, it’s easier to assume that I’ve got a dud, and I’m going to be out a hundred bucks.
It is pretty incredible though, because I’m pretty sure this bill came out of a Las Vegas casino cashier. I don’t really know anyone who carries around hundred dollar bills much less cash in general, who would have paid me with a bogus bill, so I have to assume that it came from when I was in Las Vegas back in January, where I did come back with some cash, and some hundred dollar bills included. And given their stringent security procedures and policies, if what I submitted to the Secret Service is truly funny money, then it’s pretty damn good counterfeiting to have fooled Vegas.
Regardless, all I can do now, is wait. One hundred dollars poorer.
