TL:DR: Uzbekistan Airlines announces new policy that involves weighing passengers.
As someone who has missed a flight before, because the aircraft reached weight capacity before I could even set foot on it, I’m okay with this. I’m not just okay with this, I really, really love this idea.
As much flack as Uzbekistan gets for being basically a third-world country out in the middle of nowhere, where nobody would even know its name if not for Borat, their national airline sure did something progressive that I wish the rest of the world would consider, but obviously will not, for an obvious myriad of reasons.
Seriously though, this is so great in such an ironically humorous way. I remember just how flabbergasted and furious I was when I was told that I couldn’t get onto a flight with multiple seats available, because the aircraft had already hit its weight limit, with like five seats open. I did all sorts of angry math that surmised that even if it were an average of 140 pound individuals, that means the weight of five 140 pounders was already reached without five physical bodies being present. Granted, as horrifically scary it would have been if that were from people alone, I know that luggage had something to do with it, but still. I was so pissed that of all the reasons I had to miss a flight, it was because of way too many morbidly obese people.
I would love to see this kind of policy in effect in the United States; the airline industry would probably collapse faster than a house of cards. Whether it be from not enough seats being able to be sold because too many fat Americans would burst past preset weight limits, or the litany of discrimination lawsuits that would financially cripple all the carriers, it would be hilarious, even if for just one flight this kind of policy take place.
I could see it now, the gate attendant gets on the PA system and tells people that the aircraft is ready to be boarded. They open the door to the runway, and then from just behind the door, they procure a scale. At this point, I’d want to watch the people watching this transpire, and see all the larger people grow physically uncomfortable at the sight of the scale. People would be sucking in guts as if such a futile act will miraculously shed 15 pounds. Suddenly, the demand to be on the plane as quick as possible vanishes, as people scramble to the back of the line in hopes of fewer people seeing/hearing the inevitable weight figures when they’re put on the scale. You’d never see nicer people allowing people to cut in front of them so frequently.
When people do get weighed, there will be so much nervous blathering about how the scale must be wrong, they just ate, and all sorts of bullshit excuses to why a 5’6 woman weighs 255 pounds or a 6’1 man weighs 375. Post-weighing, the vast majority of people will be ornery, embarrassed and angry, ready to lash out at anyone and everyone who even looks at them the wrong way. The rest of their days are ruined, but the airline will inevitably save millions of dollars on the in-flight refreshments that will not be consumed when ashamed decide to skip after being humiliated.
And imagine the chaos that could be if an aircraft is nearing its weight limit, and there are still ten people in line, all the biggest of the big, because they’re all afraid of the scale? Man, it would be great if there was a giant digital readout above the ramp way or something that showed the remaining weight allowed for the aircraft, and all the people who are still in line and haven’t been weighed are all sweating it out, nervous over what’s going to happen. How angry they’d be if they got bumped because the weight limit was hit. How embarrassed they’d be if they were the ones that caused the flight to hit weight limit, and deny anyone still in line the opportunity get on the plane. There would be so much turmoil and potential for social disaster. It makes me giddy just thinking about it.
Either way, there’s zero percent chance that something like this comes to ‘Murica, but it sure is fun to imagine what things would be like if it did. Chaotic, sure, but at least that even if I miss flights on account of fat people, it’ll sure be fun to watch things transpire.
