A weekend ago, mythical girlfriend and I talked about possibly going out to see a movie. We knew what we had in mind, but what lied ahead of us was the dubious task of finding a theater within reasonable distance, and a showing time that could accommodate us grabbing a quick bite to eat without keeping us out too late, as mythical girlfriend’s schedule has work on the weekends.
Needless to say, while combing through Fandango we didn’t find many options that fit our criteria without it being just beyond the realm of leisurely capability, or nowhere near any viable dining options. And every single time we found a showing that might work, at a location that had some decent grub nearby, it turned out that it was a 3D showing.
We then entered a conversation about how really, we both didn’t like 3D films, because one, they’re absurdly more expensive than regular films, and two, the necessity to wear glasses is a pain in the ass, and for people like me who already wear glasses, the idea of stacking on a second pair just to watch a film is not very appealing. We agreed that the only reason we end up watching 3D films at all, is because either their showings are at times that are convenient to our agendas, or we’re amidst a group that, again found the time to be convenient, or actually likes 3D films, and group mentality dictates going with the flow.
But if the scenario presented itself in which 3D and standard films were shown at the same time, we would go with the standard film.
And then we didn’t go see any movie at all, because making decisions is hard.
I then took the query to social media, and I asked theFacebook if they actually liked 3D movies, or if they only saw them occasionally because the showing times were convenient. And to no surprise, the overwhelming majority of people who responded stated exactly my own sentiments; they’re either ambivalent or against them, but if the timing is convenient, they’ll still watch.
Which leads me to conclude that 3D movies are pretty much garbage, and that the idea that they’re actually popular or successful is a farce, spawning from the fact that theaters like to stagger the showing times, and it’s kind of like the most popular times are slated for 3D viewings, so that theater patrons have to shell out the extra money to watch it in 3D when they’d probably rather watch it in standard. One friend stated something that I was amused by, and would likely agree with, that I’d frankly rather pay extra to avoid the 3D aspect, than to be stuck with it; that’s how much 3D sucks.
But because people are more or less duped, deceived and pigeon-holed into going to 3D movies, the entire 3D camp is still making boatloads of profit, even though there are plenty of people who don’t actually like them. Unfortunately, because they’re making profit, 3D movies will continue to be a thing, because greedy people exist, and they endlessly continue to want more money.
Seriously, 3D is shit, absolute shit. I don’t care if films are filmed in 3D or are retroactively remastered to appear to be in 3D, when the day is over, I don’t want to have to wear glasses in order to enjoy a movie. What the fuck for? So that something can appear to pop out of the screen, as if Scarlett Johansson’s boobs could be heaved into the third dimension, and I could cop a feel? Fuck no.
Instead, we get shit like Silent Hill: Revelations 3D; yes, the 3D is part of the title, which is almost as bad as that Piss2 game called “Big Mother Truckers Only $19.99” that basically said “we suck” in the title itself, much like SH:Revelations 3D does. So in instances like this, 3D is the only option, and as someone who wants to be social, I still watch it, and the extent of 3D features throughout this shitty film is the ashy snow emerging in 3D, and one scene where the now-face turned Pyramid Head flings his gigantic blade at the viewer, and it comes soaring at your eyeballs. Whoopdie-frickin-doo!
3D movies suck. This is where I’d want to declare that I’ll never go see another 3D movie again on principle, but there’s no way I’d be able to hold true to that. I’m far too willing to go with the flow, and all it’s going to take is one film that a convenient time, or a group activity to see a film in 3D that’ll get me to watch another one. But otherwise, if I have the choice in my own viewing endeavors, I’m avoiding 3D flicks like white people avoid riding MARTA.
