I just needed to get this off my chest.
Much like someone in an abusive relationship, I’m still playing Fire Emblem Heroes, much like I’m still playing Pokémon Go. They’re on my phone, they’re easy to play, and I’m often the type of person who sticks to things for the long hauls, despite my oft-occasional disdain for the games that I’m allowing to suck up my time.
Anyway, as far as FEH goes, I’ve made no secret about how I think the game’s gatchapon system is pretty much utter bullshit, and that it’s neigh impossible to get any of the most heralded characters in the game; Takumi, Azura, Hector, etc, etc. Above all else, I covet a Hector, so that I can construct my ideal dream team of tanks with an Effie and a Draug, that can counter from anywhere and can slowly, but surely enclose on enemy units and eviscerate them.
But in order to get there, I need a Hector. Who’s basically a unicorn that I’m convinced doesn’t actually exist for players, and that anyone who has him is like a Chinese hacker or something who got him through illegal means.
This hasn’t been any more evident to me than my latest FEH experiment, where I dutifully hoarded orbs for a good bit of time, waiting for a time when Hector would be a “focus summon,” which is to say that the supposed 3% chance of getting him or any 5-star+ is bumped up to an extremely generous 5%.
Through studious hoarding and a staunch refusal to use orbs because I’m frankly tired of being disappointed and let down by the game, I got to a point where I had around 250 orbs to use. And I made a rule that I wouldn’t bother doing a full five summons per pull, regardless of the whole notion that it’s more economical to summon all five picks for 20 total, instead of pulling out and trying repeatedly. The game is horrifically imbalanced in color distribution, and the game insists on giving you red units endlessly while being stingier than a joke about Jews when it comes to distributing greens, which naturally Hector is.
So, with 250 orbs in tow, FEH rolled out a summoning theme in which Hector was a focus summon. So with my gargantuan 2% chance increase, I decided that it was time to try for my Hector. Surely, with this many chances, I should have better odds right?
If you thought “yes,” then clearly you’ve never played a mobile game before. Out of the roughly 50 summons my 250 orbs afforded me, I drew the following:
- 10 Fredericks
- 8 Arthurs
- 7 Bartres
- 6 Barsts
- 5 Cecilias
- 4 Ninos
- 2 Gunters
- 2 Gordins
And since the game is a real shithead, there were occasionally draws in which NO green units were available, and I had to make at least one pull lest I throw away 5 orbs for nothing. And as much as I want a Hector, I would just as gladly take an Azura. So if there were no greens available, I would take a blue before going back to the drawing board:
- 3 5-star Ninians
- 2 Donnels
- 2 Subakis
Now as you can see, all three Ninians I received were five-stars. So far, I like her, and she’s a poor man’s Azura as far as being able to dance for other units and give them an additional turn. I was pleased to have gotten one, amused to have gotten a second one, and very much agitated when I got my third; the way the game operates, every pull in which you don’t get a 5-star, there’s allegedly a multiplier that increases your odds of getting one in the future.
And in true FEH ball-sucking, the game cashed in any multipliers I had from shitty pulls, not once, but twice, on draws where there were no green units available, for the exact same fucking character. I can probably break the arena with two-Ninian comps, but there is absolutely no world in which I need three.
To no surprise at all, FEH has disappointed me and left me feeling disenchanted with its existence. But because I’m an idiot with Stockholm syndrome, I can’t proclaim that I’m done with it, and I most certainly will not be walking away just yet. But make no mistake, the game truly does suck balls, and I often times sit there like a retard playing the game, with little other than spite and remorse in my head while I’m doing it.
But hey, it could be worse I guess; I’ve spent $0 on the game and not gotten a Hector, this guy has allegedly dropped over a grand on the game, and still doesn’t have one either.
