In all honesty there is, LeBron James, whom take nothing away from his actual basketball talent and accomplishments, but I don’t think I’ll ever not see him as the poster child for the most sissy, wimpy and spineless era of the NBA, where Twitter beefs and drama somehow manage to supersede the actual sport of basketball, with no one bigger than LeBron James carrying the torch of passive-aggressive behavior and conduct that sets the tone for the rest of the league. But for the sake of needing a title for this post, Dwyane “don’t spell it Dwayne” Wade is still a pretty big bitch in his own right.
Don’t get me wrong, historically, Wade is probably the greatest player to have ever suited up for the Miami Heat. The organization won its first NBA championship on the shoulders of Wade and his ability to sink 75 free throws, and in his prime he was easily one of the greatest players in history.
But I think where the initial seeds of thinking he’s a bitch were sown when he basically decided one day that he would gladly become Robin to the arrival of LeBron James to the Heat in 2010 who immediately asserted his position as the team’s new Batman. Seriously, who does this? Completely and voluntarily relinquishes his position on the team to the incoming free agent? I’m sure he thought he was being a selfless team player, which isn’t a bad thing in its own right, but in the manner in which he did such, to where he kind of became a second-tier player who shied away from leadership and performance responsibilities was downright sad. A total bitch move, if there ever was one.
And because he voluntarily became a bitch, the Heat decided to treat him like one, like when he opted out of his contract in 2014, thinking he would be able to sign back up on a bigger and longer deal, only for the Heat and the rest of the NBA to basically laugh and go n**** please, and put him in a situation where he walked away from a massive amount of guaranteed money, only to have to tuck his tail between his legs and re-sign with the Heat for a lesser deal, with the rest of the interested world laughing at him the whole way. Like a bitch.
When that deal expired, the Heat continued to treat him like a bitch and put a take-it-or-leave it deal on the table, to which Wade interpreted as a slight, and ultimately ended up signing with the Chicago Bulls, thus ending his storied tenure with the Heat. By doing such, he forfeited the opportunity to be a one-team Hall of Famer like David Robinson, Cal Ripken, Jr., and instead joined the ranks of guys like Emmitt Smith, Patrick Ewing and Jerry Rice among others, who played for other teams well past their primes, mostly in pursuit of money. And which were also bitch moves.
The best part about it was that Wade’s tenure in Chicago didn’t even run its whole course, and all it really took was one season for the Bulls to realize that they had a roster full of bitches, as was typically the par for most NBA teams not the San Antonio Spurs, with Wade himself being one of the problems. Despite the fact that Wade signed on for two years, the Bulls bought him out after the first season. Getting bought out is for bitches, because players not bitches are easily desired to keep.
And because the NBA is full of bitches, Wade decided to go to of all places, Cleveland, where he could only hope to return to the echelon of being a Robin to LeBron James once again, instead of stepping down to the role. Literally crawling back to being not just a regular bitch, but LeBron James’ bitch – again.
Which brings us to present, where just when Dwyane Wade’s bitch fall from grace couldn’t possibly get any worse, the Cavaliers decided that they were going to sell the entire farm, and start trading everyone in sight except for LeBron James. And nothing more seemed more ironically appropriate than trading Dwyane Wade, back to the Miami Heat. I literally laughed aloud when I saw that headline and said “what a bitch!” because it’s basically the perfect culmination of how big of a bitch Wade’s career has turned him into.
I don’t care about the NBA nearly enough to see how the reunion is going to pan out, but I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that the Heat may make the playoffs, but are a zero percent threat to an NBA championship, because the NBA’s such a bitch league that it’s pretty much the Golden State Warriors, Oklahoma City Thunder and Houston Rockets versus everyone else, and even that’s really a nice way of saying it’s Steph/Westbrook/Harden and then everyone else. Wade and the Heat will be this awkward and uncomfortable union of mediocrity, and the Heat will be of zero concern to anyone else, and this coming offseason will be a fun epilogue to Wade’s rapidly declining career, or another opportunity to turn him into a bitch yet again.
In the end, Dwyane Wade is fine; he’s got three rings, and will always be remembered as the guy who basically built the Miami Heat. But to those sports fans who still look at the entire bodies of work of the players, it’ll be hard to not scrunch brows and wonder just how and why Dwyane Wade decided to become such a little bitch and let his career wind down in such a pathetic way; and that’s even in comparison to Michael Jordan’s legendary career and sad finish.
