WWEShop fail

In 2000, the WWE changed from the WWF to the WWE because the World Wildlife Fund out in Europe kept suing them over the acronym WWF, or something along those lines, I don’t really care to cross-research the whole story in order to sound smart.  Either way, the WWE ran this whole campaign for about a month afterward, where they showed all these bumpers about how the WWE was “getting the F out” on a sophomoric play on words, but also literally, explaining that they were eliminating the F from the company’s name effective immediately.

Well, if it were up to me, I’d like to give the WWE their F back, mostly as it pertains to WWEShop.com, because their selection of replica title belts, fucking fails.

Despite the fact that the number of championship belts in my collection continues to grow and mythical wife continues to ask me how many more belts I need, there’s one belt in particular that I would really like to get my hands on: an NXT UK Tag Team championship belt.  It’s the one belt in all of NXT UK that I like the most, and it would kind of put a nice cap on my collection of NXT belts in general, as I have the NXT Championship, the NXT North American Championship, and the NXT UK Tag would represent the one tag title for the NXT brand outright.

But for whatever reason, the WWE and WWEShop have yet to make the NXT UK Tag Team championship belt available in their shop of replica belts.  As it stands right now, it is the only active championship belt in all of the WWE that they are not selling replicas of currently, and I don’t really know why.  The excuse of it being the newest belt doesn’t apply anymore, since the WWE introduced the 24/7 Championship, which once R-Truth isn’t in the picture holds any importance, but WWEShop is selling replicas of it already.

Every other single belt is available for sale as a replica otherwise.  Even the really obscure ones like the WWE NXT Cruiserweight Championship, to the lesser celebrated and exposed belts like the Women’s Tag Team Championship and sadly, the Intercontinental Championship, literally every single belt circulating around in the WWE currently is on sale as a replica, except the NXT UK Tag belt.

I’m even okay with the fact that the WWE is selling replicas of a number of classic and inactive belts, like the old winged eagle World Championship, the European Championship and even the Million Dollar Belt; frankly, I love the belts from the 90s, and the vast majority of my collection are all belts exclusively from the 90s decade.

But what makes my eyes roll and want to give the WWE their F back is the lineup of novelty belts and “commemorative” belts that they sell, as obvious cash grabs and grasping at low-hanging fruit.  There’s something they call the “Shawn Michaels Heartbreak Kid Commemorative World Championship” which is basically a classic winged eagle World Championship with a tacky, red and black tiger stripe strap. 

It’s $500.

Then there’s the Up Up Down Down championship belt to acknowledge Xavier Woods’ YouTube channel.  Technically in the WWE, this belt doesn’t really exist, and is only in existence on Woods’ YouTube videos, swapped back and forth between various wrestlers playing video games. 

This belt that isn’t even a “real belt” in the WWE runs $379.

Next, we have a “Hollywood Hogan Commemorative nWo Championship” replica that is basically the WCW World Championship plates affixed to a strap that has a bunch of tacky nWo 4-Lyfe and other shitty artwork symbolizing Hollywood Hogan, which is funny in itself, because WWEShop sells nice and clean replicas of the WCW World Championship, but also pre-spray painted versions of the same belt, and tries to sell them off as separate things.

That’s also $500 too.

The coup de grace though, is the “Undertaker Limited Edition Legacy Title” which is a completely originally designed belt to commemorate Mean Mark Calloway’s legacy in the WWE.  It’s a completely original design, and there was a ton of effort put into it.  But as much as I respect the Deadman and all his accomplishments in the professional wrestling industry, it’s still a useless and pointless piece of merchandise that is 100% a cash grab and 0% a replica as it something that never existed, was never defended, and gives smarks no reason to want it.

By the way, it’s $749, for a belt that doesn’t and never counted.

In my browser, I keep a tab open to the WWEShop’s replica title page, and I refresh it daily, hoping for the day when the number of available items jumps up by one.  A few times in the past, it has jumped up, and I’d excitedly scroll down and try to identify the new edition to the list.  Once, it was actually something valid, like when the updated NXT Tag Team Championship became available.  The other times, it was when the bullshit Hollywood Hogan belt and the Undertaker belts became available.

But then this past week, when I refreshed, the page went from 45 items to 46 items, and the excitement bug bit me all over again.  After failing to find an NXT UK Tag Team Championship belt newly listed, I sought out what was the new thing in the room.

It was the new “Bret ‘the Hitman’ Hart Commemorative World Championship” belt.  Which was surprise, a winged eagle World Championship’s plates, affixed to a strap covered in pink and black bullshit design work.

Try not to be surprised, but it’s $500.

Have your F back, WWE.  Which stands for Fuckin’fail.  Just sell me my NXT UK Tag Team Championship, and I’ll finally be happy.  I’m legitimately just about out of room for more belts, so 16 might actually be the end of my collection.

Unless I decide to reconfigure, or start a second wall.