I’m not a fan of IPAs. They’re bitter, they taste like piss, and it’s obnoxious that every microbrew and craft beer maker in the country makes their name off of some signature IPA. Every home brewer seems to make an IPA, and from what I understand, it’s mostly because IPAs are some of the easiest beers to manufacture, which is why everyone who makes beer always tries to put their own twist on an IPA, when to people like me they’re all basically goat piss in the end.
When I first took a pull of Alpen Stoff, my taste buds triggered my mind to go “oh no, it’s like an IPA,” but before the thought could really finish, the bitter note at the end of it came to an abrupt ending, right before the point where I’d go “fuck I hate IPAs” but not before I could identify the bitter note at the very end.
So it kind of tasted like an IPA, but without that piss-like bitterness at the very end that usually makes me resent IPAs in the first place. According to BeerAdvocate, this is classified as a lager, but what the fuck do I know about classifications beyond a rudimentary level, but I would’ve pegged this as an ale, since it kind of tasted like an IPA without being complete shit. It definitely has a grassy, hoppy flavor to it which makes me think that, but I guess it was fairly smooth and fairly light-bodied like a good lager.
Ultimately, it’s not my favorite beer of the month so far, and I’d definitely slot this in the lower half of my rankings, but when the day is over, I feel like I want to give it some credit for almost tasting like an IPA, but being one that was actually palatable to me, and taking out just enough properties of a shitty IPA to make it remotely drinkable.
I also realize that I’ve made enough allusions to drinking piss to the point where I must actually disclaim that I’ve never drank piss in my life, of any species. Unless you count IPAs, because they’re basically the same thing, and I’d frankly find more satisfaction in saving my taste buds and my digestive system the trouble by just pouring them down a urinal instead of drinking them.
Current Rankings:
- Bären Weisse (#16)
- First Coral (#2)
- Kirta (#5)
- Turbo Prop (#6)
- Schwarze Tinte (#13)
- Perlenzauber (#9)
- Loncium Vienna Style Lager (#12)
- Jubiläumsbier 333 (#7)
- Zwönitzer Steinbier (#4)
- Alpen Stoff (#17)
- Grandl (#11)
- Altbairisch Hell (#15)
- Hell (#1)
- Tannen Hell (#8)
- Tradition (#10)
- Hallertauer Hopfen-Cuvee (#14)
- Käuzle (#3)
