Last year, I came to the determination that among the worst things ever as a new parent, was if you were unfortunate enough to have a child that required an apnea monitor. At first, it is welcoming, as it is a literal safety net for new parents, to monitor the heart and oxygen rates of newborn children, but after a while, it transforms into an obtrusive ball and chain, that your child is required to be affixed to until they reach medical clearance for removal.
I stated that I hated the apnea monitor more than the former elected president. That I wouldn’t wish an apnea monitor on my worst enemy’s children. That there couldn’t be anything worse for new children and their parents.
But then I had a child who suffered from colic.
I had a revelation during one of the numerous times in which my wife and I were trying to soothe our second child from one of her daily colic attacks where she’s screaming her lungs out bloody murder, and there’s literally nothing we can do about it other than to hold her and try and bring her down which typically results in nothing but colossal failure.
I basically said that dealing with a kid with an apnea monitor was preferable to having a child who gets colic. And I meant every word of it.
At least with the monitor, we learned how to control the triggers and recognize behaviors that could result in an event beep; it’s just that we were mandated to go two straight months without any events before we could get the green light to remove it, and as the days churned on, it began to feel like a tightrope act in tip toeing towards the finish line, but we succeeded.
But with colic, there’s no hard time to strive for, there’s no definitive end to when babies grow out of colic. Some grow out of it as early as three months, but #2 has just passed the three month mark, and still is susceptible to colic attacks with the most minimal trite triggers. And when she begins screaming her lungs out, it’s nothing but feeling defeat, and feeling like failures as parents.
Without question, I most definitely rank colic as being worse than the apnea monitor. With the monitor, there was always a visible light at the end of the tunnel, but with colic, despite the existence of modern healthcare, nobody’s still been able to figure out what causes it, how to soothe it, or any sort of avoidance. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, because we have no earthly idea of when she’s just kind of going to grow out of it, but for what it’s worth, I most definitely would feel and empathize for any other parents who have to suffer from having colicky babies themselves.
