Tag: food

It doesn’t matter who wins the most, it’s who wins last

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Because there’s a wrestling analogy for everything: Five Guys defeats In-N-Out Burger as the greatest burger joint all-time now and forever irrefutably

I’d like to start off and say that I am a fan of In-N-Out Burger.  Their burgers are definitely tasty, and I will seldom turn down the opportunity to go to one, whenever I go to a city where In-N-Out is available.  But when the day is over, my allegiance is with Five Guys.  Not just because of our shared Virginia roots and the positive association of basically growing up with the company when they were still just five dinky restaurants scattered across NOVA where you could shuck peanut shells on the ground while you waited for our order.

No, when the day is over, I honestly believe that Five Guys is the better hamburger (and fries) than In-N-Out.  And it’s about fucking time that the rest of the country broke out of their antiquated hipster anti-establishment damn-the-man mentality In-N-Out is better brainwashing and came to the same realization.

Five Guys never fails to satisfy a hearty meal; I always finish my In-N-Out #1 with a feeling of should I get something else no don’t be a greedy fat fuck, and I leave with this unfulfilled satisfaction in the pit of my stomach.  Five Guys never fails to fill that pit, regardless if I go with a fat double-patty, or feel self-conscious and order a single.

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APORKALYPSE NOT

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Surprise of the century, Hardee’s Aporkalypse biscuit was hardly the culinary miracle that fast food marketing attempts to make it sound like it is.  I mean, it’s not like I was expecting the greatest breakfast menu item in history, but it’s almost meme-worthy just how much this fell into the category of marketing versus reality.

Eating satisfaction-wise, it’s actually decent.  Sure, they ignored my request to put no egg on it, but since Hardee’s uses a washcloth folded into fourths and calls it an egg, it’s easy enough to remove without fear of any embryo remnants wrecking my digestive system for the afternoon.  But combining bacon, ham and sausage and drowning them in two cheeses is pretty self-explanatory when it comes to satiating a fat guy’s craving for a breakfast biscuit.

I think the biggest fallacy of Hardee’s is that they market something called the Aporkalypse, but completely fail to include all the porks that the restaurant offers.  Because adjacent to the sign on the window that boasts the Aporkalypse, there’s also a giant sign for this pork chop and gravy biscuit that they offer.  Yet the Aporkalypse boasts all this pork but completely fails to offer up a prevalently marketed pork!

Fat guy problems, yes I know.

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APORKALYPSE NOW

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Last weekend, I drove past a Hardee’s in South Carolina, and I saw on a fairly nondescript roadside sign saying “APORKALYPSE IS HERE.”  The sign was pointing at a Hardee’s, but the name “aporkalypse” definitely caught my attention.

Was this a rogue franchise making up an item?  Or was this something on a broader-scale release?  It didn’t matter what, I couldn’t stop repeating the word in my head, and I felt that I had to know.

Man, it’s hard to imagine the times in our lives when we all didn’t have smartphones and mobile internet, and couldn’t acquire information at the drop of a hat, wherever we were.  Thankfully being out in the sticks of South Carolina wasn’t enough to choke out mobile data and I was able to Google what aporkalypse was, and now I know what I’m going to have for breakfast over this weekend.

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Well, that didn’t take long

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Color me surprised: The Atlanta Braves have decided to renege on their draconian policy to disallow outside food from hallowed ScumTrust Great White Flight Park

I actually am surprised by this.  Usually when a baseball team does something that can easily be perceived as unpopular by the fans, they usually inevitably double-down on their decision and address the media with an as-of-matter-of-fact tone that declares that the unpopular decision is what’s best for the long-term, and that ultimately baseball is a business and choices like these are made that are best for business.

I would’ve expected that the Braves would have listened to the initial outcry of unhappy fans, weathered the storm, and then had a stuffy press release that dictated that they understand that people are unhappy with the decision to ban outside food, but that proceeds from concessions and the take from all adjacent The Battery businesses would inevitably be the coffers in which the team could use on free agents, despite the fact that the Braves are amongst the cheapest teams in the world and rarely ever are willing to overpay for a free agent unless it’s something completely haphazard like Dan Uggla or B.J. Upton.

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Surprise of the century

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

Shocker: ScumTrust Park, the new home of the Atlanta Braves of Cobb County, has abolished on of Turner Field’s most popular policies – the ability to bring in outside food

This is about as surprising as finding out water is wet and fire is hot.  Anyone who thought for a second that one of Turner Field’s most popular policies would carry over into the new ballpark was delusional.

Of course ScumTrust Park isn’t going to allow people to bring in their own food; with the park smack dab in the middle of The Battery, the lame name used to describe the epicenter of shops, restaurants and other tourist crap that will surround Great White Flight Park, naturally they’re going to do everything to dissuade people from bringing their own food and instead spending money on overpriced homogenized pretentious crap around the park in order to eat instead.

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This is why MiLB > MLB

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

God I dislike the Phillies.  But damn if their Triple-A affiliates, the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, don’t have the most creative and socially active creative team in professional sports.  I not only have respect for their constantly moving and constantly producing creative, but I admittedly am a fan, even if they are a Phillies affiliate.  I have two Iron Pigs baseball caps; excluding promotional gate giveaways that I mostly collect and don’t wear, I can’t even say the same about the Atlanta Braves, for whom I only have a single baseball cap, that’s almost literally been worn to death and doesn’t quite fit right anymore either.

But anyway, I got an email from the Iron Pigs because I’m apparently on their mailing list because of the cap I purchased from them over the internet.  Usually I delete these emails instantaneously, and chide myself for not opening them, so I can go straight to the bottom and look for the unsubscribe button and then remind myself to unsubscribe the next time one comes in, to which the cycle repeats itself all over again.  However, the subject line was something that caught my attention and instantly piqued my interest: BACON VS. TACOS.

I like bacon.  I like tacos.  Never did I think that I’d ever have to pick a side between the two; after all, you can even combine them and get some good tacos with bacon out of them.  But apparently an ingenious promotion was birthed also involving the Fresno Grizzlies who have apparently re-branded themselves as the Fresno Tacos for some reason, but I am okay with that, because naming one’s self after food is always an entertaining idea in my opinion.

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Hoots to declare bankruptcy

~ dannyhong ~ Leave a comment

…is the headline that we’ll probably be reading at this time next year.  Because if you didn’t hear, the Hooters company has decided to attempt a spin-off restaurant concept, called Hoots, which will feature most of the same food, but less tits, less ass, more clothing, but most notably, more dong; they will additionally have male servers in addition to females.

Sure, times change.  Things change.  Stay ahead of the curve.  Don’t wait until adversity to start adjusting.  Embrace new ideas. 

I get it, Hooters is trying to do something new, diversify their brand, perhaps tap into the demographic of people who think the parent restaurant concept is sexist, disgusting and not worth spending any money at.

But if there’s one company that doesn’t really need to take these kinds of risks, it’s Hooters.  People don’t go to Hooters for the food, although their wings are pretty great, not to mention a buffalo chicken cheese dip that I recently had that was pretty awesome.  No, people go to Hooters for a very transparent reason that men like to look at pretty women wearing tight, tacky uniforms, eat shit food, drink beer, and watch man-centric television when no waitresses are in sight.  Women go to Hooters to keep tabs on their men, indulge in the same shit food, and judge other women.

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