Last weekend, I drove past a Hardee’s in South Carolina, and I saw on a fairly nondescript roadside sign saying “APORKALYPSE IS HERE.” The sign was pointing at a Hardee’s, but the name “aporkalypse” definitely caught my attention.
Was this a rogue franchise making up an item? Or was this something on a broader-scale release? It didn’t matter what, I couldn’t stop repeating the word in my head, and I felt that I had to know.
Man, it’s hard to imagine the times in our lives when we all didn’t have smartphones and mobile internet, and couldn’t acquire information at the drop of a hat, wherever we were. Thankfully being out in the sticks of South Carolina wasn’t enough to choke out mobile data and I was able to Google what aporkalypse was, and now I know what I’m going to have for breakfast over this weekend.
In short, it’s either a biscuit or a burrito featuring three types of pork; sausage, ham, bacon. Stuffed into a wrap or a biscuit with two cheese and egg. Sure, it’ll be a million calories and something no human being really should be eating, but this is where the strength of an item is most definitely in the name.
If Hardee’s named it something along their usual line of monster-this or monster-that, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But to declare it something like “aporkalypse,” and it’s got my attention. I say it all the time until I get my hands on one. I want one, in general, which is something I haven’t said about Hardee’s food in nearly a decade, maybe more. I mean, it’s THE aporkalypse.
That’s a good fuckin’ name. Aporkalypse. I need to have one.
