I have a rather tall friend whose parents happen to be from Brazil. He is a kind and gentle giant of a friend, and I rather enjoy having his friendship. His sister once inadvertently, unknowingly prevented me from getting pulled over a long time ago, by setting the mother of all automotive picks on the road, allowing me the time necessary to duck into a small neighborhood until I ditched the star. Anyway, he, his parents, as well as his sister gave me good faith that Brazilians were good persons.
Well, I take that all back, and recognize my eight-foot tall friend and his family as clearly exceptions to the rule, or products of having lived in America for so long. Because after playing League of Legends for as long as I’ve been playing now, I’ve come to the interim conclusion that Brazilians are the most insufferable, obnoxious and griefing people on the face of the planet.
Seriously, I don’t think I’ve won a single match with a known Brazilian on my team. If I see Portuguese show up in the chatter, I cringe knowing that a 35+ minute defeat is imminent. They’re awful teammates, don’t/can’t communicate, and no matter how poorly they play, it’s instantaneously the fault of those who aren’t Brazilian for the loss. If they’re on the other team, and decide to flood the chatter with Portuguese and incomprehensible smack, it’s best to mute them from the get-go, because they don’t know how to stop.
It’s not entirely their fault, since the game is free to play, obviously there are limitations to how much bandwidth there is; that being said, the entire Western Hemisphere is limited to North American servers only, meaning those assholes in Brazil really have no other choice but than to leech off of North American servers. But too often is the case where the servers cater to them more than to those in the United States, and there have been the occasional match where everyone not in Latin America is crippled by lag, while a bunch of Brazilian assholes run the table for 22 minutes.
But anyway, as the title of this post goes, I happen to like Fast Five. I thought about it recently, since I found myself watching the exciting parts of it on the plane back from Virginia yesterday. It’s an awesome movie, not just because it’s pretty much an Ocean’s Eleven rip off, and not because it has such A-list star power such as Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, THE ROCK, Ludacris and my Korean boy Sung Kang, but mostly because the whole movie is about how all these foreigners, mostly Americans, are destroying Brazil. Seriously, they’re up in Brazil’s business, wrecking shit up all over the place. From destroying favelas, to dragging a 2,500 lb. safe across the streets and using it as the world’s largest motorized morning star, smashing it into buildings, uprooting trees and knocking down power lines, all while 12-14 people are essentially owning the entire police force of Rio.
Seeing Brazilians getting owned so dominantly is kind of arousing.
It’s not so much that I’ve fallen victim to such South American trolling as much as this is kind of a poignant connection between two non-related topics. But seriously, I do enjoy Fast Five, and I do think Brazilian LoL players are pretty much the scum of the earth.
