I haven’t hidden the fact that things have been kind of really rough for me lately. Between working on my house in preparation for departure, on top of a change in work organization led to some pretty intense weeks of working non-stop at work, followed by working non-stop while not at my job, reducing me to a physically and emotionally drained shell of a human being that was incapable of thinking of anything but dark and negative things for a minute.
Things have loosened up lately, and things have definitely taken a turn for the better, fortunately. Assignments at work have been completing and falling off my already-full plate, leading me to see the light in the tunnel that the busy period of the year are weeks closer to becoming a seasonal thing of the past. Everything pertaining to the house, physically, are completed and the matters of listing, selling and moving it are out of my hands and are not so much my concern anymore.
Within the span of two weeks, I went from needing every single minute and hour of the day in order to work, to realizing that I now have occasional minutes and hours of the day to suddenly burn.
I legitimately felt like I was 16 all over again, when I had gotten my driver’s license, and I was sitting at home bored on a Friday night, and the realization struck me that I could walk out the door, get into the piece of shit car I was bequeathed, and do something. Back then, it was a matter of not having the ability to travel that blocked the door; I had all the time in the world when I was 16, which is a hard thing to fathom, considering I can hardly find two hours free to fuck around and watch television with these days.
Nowadays, it’s the opposite, with there never being enough time. I suppose such is the conflict that most diligent adults go through while growing up, one of those realizations that we’re not getting any younger and that time is becoming more and more scarce as the clock on life keeps on ticking.
But I had an epiphany over the past weekend, that I could do, things, suddenly. I didn’t have to go straight back to my house to work on painting walls, caulking cracks or patching up cracks or nail holes, or painting more walls. Being the weekend, I didn’t have to hunch over my computer in the office too dim and too full of people coughing endlessly all around me. If I wanted to go to a new coffee shop, I could. If I wanted to wash my car, I could. If I wanted to watch several episodes of Mr. Robot in succession, I could.
Naturally, none of those things happened, because me being me, found something to quickly eat up the free time, but the point is that I had done so by free will. Assembling a dresser was not obligation, but by choice; as much as having free time to fuck off with would’ve been refreshing and gratifying, I still opted to do something that was productive, yet still somewhat zen and relaxing because constructing a piece of furniture out of parts from start to finish is something that I find calming.
The point is, as life continues to solder forward, things are changing for the better. Work is starting to loosen up a little bit, my house is currently out of my hands, and I’m finding time in the days in which I can actually sit back, drink a Schofferhofer, and catch my breath. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, things will ease up a little bit more, and maybe I’ll have opportunities to do more things I actually want to do, like arrange a new home, play some newer video games, marathon some television shows, or… OR… get my fucking site back up because it’s unfortunately taken a backseat for way too god damn long, and being down for a year has been the pox that has never been remedied.
