Lately, I’ve been feeling the financial crunch of a lot of expenses and debt that I’m accruing, on my own accord, and it’s admittedly got me feeling a little more anxious than I would typically prefer to feel on a regular basis. Typically, I like to live my life a quarter mile at a time with fairly substantial cushions, so when I fret over money, it’s not necessarily always because I have no safety net, it’s because my safety net is growing uncomfortably small. No safety net would probably have a way different tone; probably even discernable through my choice of words.
But as stated, this current round of fretting is really nobody’s doing but my own; I didn’t really have to schedule two, two-week vacations, two weeks apart from one another. I don’t have to go to Disney, or Worlds. There are a lot of things that I’m doing that aren’t really necessary to the survival of life, but things that I want to do, feel that I should do, and will try to have few regrets doing on account of how much they’re costing me. Easier written than done.
I’ve been trying to tell myself that things are going to be fine, and in all likelihood, they will be. It’s just a lot of my savings will be pretty depleted, and I’ll have a tremendous balance on my credit card when it’s all said and done. I can’t speak for the future, but I’ll probably be back to, or remain anxious about such circumstances then, but I’m trying my best to keep my wits about me until we get to that point.
And when it rains, it tends to pour, but in an odd twist of irony, it’s through such downpour do I kind of find a little bit of perspective that, kind of helps, in spite of the poorly timed, certainly unwanted $600 expense.
In light of the #fuelcrisisofatlanta2016omgpanic, one of most recommended things to do is not drive. Easy to suggest, but hard to do when people have jobs, obligations and the occasional need to procure necessities. But I found a way to make sure you don’t drive; can’t drive – have a flat tire!
Honestly though, I knew this was going to happen eventually. Tires typically have a lifespan of 40-50 thousand miles, and I was pretty much around the 50,000+ mark with my tires. I knew they were balding, and worse, wearing unevenly on account of gradually falling out of alignment over the passage of time. One of them probably had a nail in it or something, based on the fact that my tire light would come on, and it always needed to have air put back into it on almost a weekly basis.
I knew that all four needed to be replaced, and soon, but because of all my existing expenses and debts, this was one of those things that I held my breath on, and hoped that I could go as long as possible until it needed to happen. $600 later seemed preferable to $600 now.
That all changed yesterday, when after filling the bum tire, my tire light was still on. It turns out that another tire was low, so I filled it up, and the light turned back off. I went to work, and after work, I couldn’t help but notice that second bum tire looked flat again. Undoubtedly, it too, had a nail in it now, leading to rapid deflation. I rolled into the gas station, and upon pressing the air hose to the tire, it would simply not inflate.
Seeing as how I’d pushed my luck long enough, I threw in the towel and hobbled back home on the donut, and at the time I’m writing this, my car is in the shop now, getting its long overdue replacement of all four tires. Including tax, install, alignment and whatever bullshit fees that go with any automotive expense, it’s likely going to be around the predicted $600.
Here’s the thing though; I thought about how a long time ago, when I was in a different place in my life, AKA younger, this is the kind of expense that would cripple me. I’d feel like I’d want to jump off a cliff, I’d be miserable and feel like there was no way I could handle such an expense. I know this, because this was an actual reality back then, when I had car troubles and not enough money, and no idea what to do.
And then the worst part of it all, I’d eventually have a talk with my mom, trying to be passive but obvious about how I was struggling, and inevitably a check would come in the mail to bail me out. I’d feel like shit, but I’d feel relieved that I’d been bailed out, and then I’d forget about how dumb I was with my money and the debt I’d owe my parents and likely never repay.
That’s different now, now that I’m all old and shit. Sure, it’s $600 I don’t really want to have to pay, but it’s $600 that I can swing, without being crippled. Yes, this may compromise my financial liquidity when I go to Korea a little bit, but it’s the sacrifice of frivolous for the pursuit of responsibility. And the fact that I need to have a car to function in society.
The thing is, tires are something that I can handle nowadays. Tires are something that I have handled numerous times now. Sure, my finances are little more stretched thin now, than they have been in previous incidents of needing tires, but the fact that I can handle them on my own is a reminder and a different perspective, that I can handle this.
*Edit* – turns out the tires ended up hitting the $700 mark, once the labor and taxes were considered, along with a camber part that needed to be repaired. That didn’t make me feel too great, but not as not great as when my car’s battery pretty much died in the same day, leading to $160 more for a fresh new battery, and then needing to fill up my fuel tank in the midst of a “fuel crisis.”
Totaling up to nearly $900 worth of expenses, it sucks tremendously, and being capable of handling it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m the least bit thrilled to have to. It fucking sucks, all the same.
