The story of how I got the price of my car to where I got it, in wrestling speak

Obviously, in the process of buying a car, nobody goes to a car dealership, finds the car they want, and immediately agrees to pay approximately what’s written on the sticker of the vehicle.  Fuck that.  And in the case of my recent car purchase, I most certainly did not pay the listed price that was posted on the vehicle I ultimately ended up with.  I paid significantly less was posted; perhaps I could have done better if I had a little bit of time on my side, but I didn’t, but I’m fairly satisfied with the whole process in the short amount of time in which I accomplished it.  But suffice to say, it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t speak with many different parties.

After sniffing around for the car I wanted, I discovered that it was available at Big Boss Man’s dealership.  Right then, I decided that the Big Boss Man was ultimately going to be my primary target of where I wanted to purchase, since they had the exact car, with all the features I wanted, right there, ripe for the taking.  However, I didn’t want to pay close to the sticker price on it, so in order to play ball, I knew I had to get some other parties into the fracas.  So, I inquired with Buff Bagwell, Muhammad Hassan, Stevie Ray, K-Kwik, and Konnan’s dealerships, to see what estimates they would be willing to give me for the same car, regardless of the fact that I knew not one of them had what I was looking for in their current inventories, but it wouldn’t be impossible for any of them to acquire what I was looking for in order to gain my business.  And to make things interesting, I decided to reach out to the distanced Ric Flair’s dealership, in order to have an unknown ace in my pocket for negotiation purposes.

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lol yuppies

Just watched a yuppie mom empty out her kid’s plastic cup, replace the contents with her remaining margarita, and then walk out the door. God, yuppies sure are something.

No laughing matter

I’m not kidding, there is a woman that looks just like the Miss Swan character from MAD TV.  Except, she’s actually Asian, but she has the same hair style as Miss Swan, but in terms of stature, and likely age, she’s a dead ringer for Miss Swan.

However, she smells like a fucking chimney, and like she smokes two packs a day, which kind of dulls the humor in the situation.

This road to recovery was built in Korea

This is my new car.  A Kia Forte 5-Door.

At my absolute wit’s end, I finally decided to cut my losses, and ditch the lemon.  I had an elaborate plan with a minimal window of time to accomplish it, and in a perfect world it would have gone completely as planned, but since we don’t live in a perfect world, this would have to do.  The bottom line is that I have successfully unloaded the fucking lemon, I don’t drive it anymore, and no longer will it give me stress about how much it mechanically sucks, or what no-longer produced parts need to be replaced.

I’m ecstatic that I have a brand new car, that theoretically, I will not really have to worry about (knock on wood) for a little bit, but I’m actually simply more relieved that I just don’t have the lemon anymore.

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Grown-up taste buds

Pretty much, every weekday morning, and some weekends, I start my day off with bowl of cereal.  My favorites are Quaker’s Oatmeal Squares, Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats, and Kellogg’s Special K, in that particular order.  But being the unpicky, frugal consumer that I am, I typically only indulge in those, whenever they’re on sale, and I can hoard them for brief periods of time.  So for the most part, I tend to stick with whatever’s on sale, which can range from anywhere from random flakes with various maple or honey flavors, or raisin brans, since supposedly we can all always be better off with more fiber in our diets.

Recently, I picked up a box of Post’s Golden Crisp.  I loved this cereal as a kid, and seeing it on sale, I couldn’t resist indulging in a childhood favorite again.  This morning, I poured myself a bowl, and while standing outside with the dogs eating this cereal, something felt different.  Either my taste buds have evolved, or Post has dumped an ungodly amount of sugar into Golden Crisp these days.  I’m fairly sure it’s not the latter, but the bottom line is that the cereal was still okay, but it admittedly, tickled my teeth in only the way that something with way too much sugar can.  I was imagining more puffy puffs of cereal, and a more subtle sweetness; perhaps I am mistaking it for Kellogg’s equivalent Smacks, but after I finished the bowl of cereal, I kind of felt gulity, in that I wish I didn’t just eat that kind of way.  And to be honest, I don’t think I’d want to eat the rest of this box; I think I may mix it into another box of cereal, at least to off-set some of the gratuitous sweetness or something.

As kids, we’re conditioned to want to inhale these sugary, gimmicky cereals, but apparently as I’m coming to realizations of my own, getting yet another year closer to 30, I have a bigger concern over my dietary habits.  This aging shit sucks, yo.