I Am Legend, southern style

If you were to tell me that I Am Legend took place in Montgomery, Alabama, I would be inclined to believe you.  This is a picture of downtown Montgomery, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and there isn’t a single soul in sight.  I am literally standing in the middle of the street, with no fear at all of any oncoming cars.  Because there simply are none.  I really imagined that this is what Robert Neville felt like when wandering about in Los Angeles in the story, notating any dark and shady crevices in which vampires could be hiding in.

Apparently in the god-fearing south, and then deeper in, in Montgomery, they fear him just a little bit more, to the point where they go into complete hiding altogether on Sundays outright.

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Abby Wambach looks like the guy from Wanted

Everytime I see this commercial, I can’t help but think this.

I vaguely know the name Abby Wambach, because I look at enough sports websites on a regular basis for osmosis to eventually absorb, or maybe it was during the time when the whole world was fascinated with Hope Solo that some of her teammates names manage to float around or something, but I had no idea of what she actually looked like.  So I really had no idea that the “protagonist” of this Gatorade commercial was Abby Wambach until the descriptors in the YouTube video revealed such information.

But watching this commercial, I’m always thinking that Abby Wambach looks like the main character from Wanted.  That crappy movie which also had Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman, where the concept of curving and hooking bullets came from, which I’ll occasionally rage-complain/reference while playing L4D, when I’m picked off around a corner, miraculously.  But I mean, come on – look at the picture; they totally look alike.  The swimmingly-green eyes, the Penguin-like hook nose, and even the furrowing of the brow, in intense agitation.

So now that the comparison is complete, it’s deduced that the guy from Wanted apparently plays professional women’s soccer when not making shitty movies.  Ironically what he does off-screen is reminiscent of the Rodney Dangerfield flick, Ladybugs, which focused around a dude playing soccer on a girls’ team.  And much like the character he played in Wanted was a gigantic pussy, the guy from Wanted waits until his defender is fatigued and feebly weak before exploiting it for the win.  Granted, I’m not above accepting wins no matter how they come, but ideally, nothing is more gratifying than beating an opponent when they’re at their best, not when they’re on their last legs.

But whatever – Wanted was a shitty movie anyway, and I stopped drinking Gatorade for the most part.  Too much fucking sodium.

In Birmingham, Memory Lane isn’t that long

And according to Google Maps, it’s only two tenths of a mile long.

Must be some really sad lives out in Birmingham, to have such a short memory lane down there.

Roll Tide?

An example of effective packaging

As amazing as the thought of rib chips would be, it’s hard to fathom how such would be executed.  But when Jen and I were at the store the other day, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this bag of Ruffles Smokehouse Style BBQ chips.

Pictured on the bag is but a half-rack of the most succulent, meaty, heavily seasoned looking ribs the world has ever seen.  Ruffles has clearly transcended the need to even bother putting potatoes or the actual product on their bags themselves, and instead just gone straight for the jugular by putting a picture of what the chips are supposed to taste like.  The name is kind of there as a formality more or less, but nowhere on the front of the bag is even written the words “potato” or “chips.”

Instead, it’s just the greatest looking ribs in the world screaming “FUCKING BUY ME AND EAT ME YOU GOD DAMN PUSSY.”

The fact that it’s in my snack cupboard says who won that conflict.

Real Men Don’t Wear Small update: Regions Park, Hoover, Alabama

Real Men Don't Wear Small

The first update of the 2012 baseball season takes me to Birmingham/Hoover, Alabama for some minor league action.  Regions Park, home of the Birmingham Barons of the Southern League, the class-AA affiliates of the Chicago White Sox.  Ironically, the minor league parks for both the AA and AAA affiliates of the White Sox are way better than the White Sox’s major league park.