Over Alert: The New Day

I’ve mentioned numerous times that I pretty much glaze over wrestling these days.  I still enjoy it, and I’m still a fan of it, but the fact of the matter is that I really loathe how RAW is presented.  Full of commercial breaks, always in the middle of matches, far too many matches that are always pushing storylines and not showcasing much actual wrestling, and then more commercials when they aren’t plugging the next pay-per-view or the WWE Network in general.

I’ve gotten watching RAW on DVR to a science; for the most part, I can knock out the three-hour long program in probably 90 minutes or less, seeing as how an hour alone is pretty much lost to commercials.  But really, I’ve learned that pushing the 30-seconds ahead button to the equivalent of 4:30-5:30 minutes pretty much nails every commercial break, and that any Sheamus or Randy Orton match is usually around eight total minutes, and a Bray Wyatt diatribe is usually about 6-8 minutes.

Needless to say, I fast forward a lot of matches, and the biggest rub from me as a viewer, is if I stop and watch a particular wrestler’s segment.

Lately, the things that I do not skip are John Cena US Title Open matches, as especially when they’re against someone with a story involved, have all been stellar contests.  I do not skip Kevin Owens segments, because he has admittedly grown on my as a WWE talent in spite of staunch beliefs that he will never amount to anything more than a transitional champion.  I do not skip Paul Heyman promos, most Cesaro matches, and lately one thing I’m adamant about watching is the Divas Revolution, because I’m totally digging Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch, and it’s also interesting to see how much the existing Divas are trying to elevate their own games to try and keep up with the influx of newer, younger talent.

However, the one thing I refuse to skip over, and will in fact stop and rewind if I realize I’ve skipped too much, is The New Day.  They have been the best part of every WWE show I’ve watched lately, and I can’t help but witness them with awe and admiration, because they’ve basically managed to get over, in spite of the crappy gimmick hand they were dealt.

Seriously, when The New Day were originally put together, it reeked of slapping three water-treading talents with Kofi Kingston, Big E Langston and Xavier Woods together in a stable, and oh, they just so happened to all be black, and oh, let’s apply a slightly stereotypical black gospel angle on them.

Naturally, the instinctual racism behind most viewers began to kick in, and they were pretty much booed and steered into the heel bracket.  As individuals, everyone knew that there were obvious strengths to each of them; Kofi’s athleticism and successful track record, Big E’s physique and strength, and Xavier Woods might possibly be the best mouth in the current business.  But as a team, nobody really wanted to give them a chance.

But something incredible happened throughout the course of the last year; not only did The New Day not give up on the hand that was dealt to them that almost signify the company had given up on them, they managed to start eliciting emotion out of the audience, which is the penultimate goal of a wrestling performer.  Naturally, with Xavier Woods acting as the obnoxious mouthpiece, he has managed to get under the skin and prey on the predictable nature of live audiences by telling them what not to say, only for them to say it, much to the feigned chagrin of the unit as a whole.

All while Kofi and Big E have done the brunt of the actual in-ring performance, because both are clearly more capable than Woods is, despite the fact that Woods himself is no slouch.

Ultimately, from the start, I think guys like Kofi didn’t understand how to be a heel, and Big E at first tried to use the intimidating black mountain of muscle schtick he did when he initially broke in as Dolph Ziggler’s sidekick, which didn’t seem to work with this formula.  But with Kofi finding his footing as a heel, and Big E becoming vastly more vocal and facially animated, to work along side with Xavier Woods’ obnoxious mouthpiece, the trio as a whole has become the most entertaining part of the show.

Watching Stephanie McMahon and Triple H seemingly break characters and start dancing in the ring with The New Day was kind of an acknowledgment of the success the trio has found.  Big E’s exaggeratedly excited face and clapping to goad Trips back into the ring to start dancing was a true beautiful moment.

Despite the fact that the crowd is still chanting “New… Day Sucks,” it’s very apparent that the fans are waiting for the right moment, as if they just need a reason, to go absolutely bonkers over The New Day, and they become instant face characters.

The question is if it would be best for business for The New Day to become faces, but as it’s often said in the wrestling industry, it’s not for the industry to decide, because it’s always been up to the fans.  The fans are waiting to light that spark, so the real question is will the WWE ever give the fans that reason, or will it be best for business for them to remain heels?

Either way, I would say keep The New Day far, far away from the Wyatt Family, considering they’re a perfect three-man foil to them, because when and if they collide, I have to imagine it’s kind of a no-brainer that The New Day are going to be some mega faces then.

This is cute and all

In short: Capcom makes headbands with little googly chick birds suspended on them, to tribute the dizzy birds from Street Fighter II.

But my first thought is that if they’re attempting to merchandise off of dizzies in SF2, when are they going to try and merchandise and monetize off of the random puking that occurred in the same game?

Seriously, they could be like chintzy fake Halloween beards, but instead of hair, it be this gelatinous orange or tan rivulet that hung off your chin instead.  Perfect for referencing the perfectly timed hit in SF2 that prompted the damaged character to spontaneously hurl straight downward.

Maybe this ingenious suggestion will make the next round of SF2 tribute merch.  After all, there’s still dizzy stars and dizzy grim reapers to exploit, but they would be inconsequential if they were sold at the same time as SF2 vomit beards.

This is not how it’s supposed to work

Call it a jinx.  Call it overconfidence.  Call it not waiting for the fat lady to sing.  But whatever you want to call it, it’s ultimately bullshit, because the Braves are on the cusp of fucking one more thing up, and that’s not finishing the season with 100 losses, and ultimately the worst record in baseball.

From the very day I wrote my swan song for a guaranteed 100 losses, where the Braves were playing .133 baseball, they have suddenly gone 7-3 in their last ten games*, have reached the 62-win plateau, and literally with one more win, avoid the humiliation of a 100-loss season.  Go figure that such a sudden hot streak would coincide perfectly with my declaration that the team was done and that 100 losses was all but inevitable.

*including a sweep against the Phillies whom at the time were playing vastly better baseball than Atlanta, but if there’s one thing any sports fan should ever remind themselves frequently is that you can’t rely on a team from Philadelphia to ever get the job done

Seriously though, Freddie Freeman driving home five runs off the bench?  That doesn’t happen in general, not just with the Braves.  A guy coming off the bench is typically a one-and-done pinch-hit appearance, but nope, Fredi Gonzalez decides to leave him in the game after pinch-hitting two runs in, and naturally he clocks a three-run home run in the god damn ninth-inning to secure a Braves win, the 62nd of the season.  One more win means that the Braves cannot possibly lose 100 games, and put the cherry on top of my season of baseball disappointments.

There are nine games left in the season; three with the Marlins, three with the Nationals and three with the Cardinals.  A win in any single one of those games means that I end the season sad and disappointed, and it doesn’t seem very likely that even the woeful Braves, are going to finish out the season 0-9.

The Marlins are dangerous, because they’re mathematically out of the playoff equation as well, and have absolutely nothing to play for.  The Nationals are still grasping at straws with hopes of catching the Mets, so they will likely be playing hard, but they’re also the biggest disappointment team of 2015, so they could very well fuck up at least one game, if the Braves haven’t already blown it against the Marlins.  The Cardinals, barring a massive collapse by either the Pirates or Cubs, will likely be playing hard and with serious rosters, because they’re being pursued fiercely, even to this stage of the season.  But the race for 100-losses could very well already be over by the time that series even starts.

The bottom line is that the Braves have been bad all season long, but only at one point did they lose nine consecutive games, when they lost 12 in a row.  Given those kind of statistical probabilities, if I’m a betting man, I’d say that it’s a fairly safe bet to assume that the Braves will win at least one game in their final nine, and avoid 100 losses, much to my chagrin.  But I was pretty wrong just ten days ago, however I don’t think I’m going to cling to hope on this one, as much as I want it to be true.

Knowing my luck, the Braves will lose their next eight games, give me all the hope in the world, I’ll go to the season-ender against the Cardinals, where the Cardinals will blow a massive lead, and the Braves will win their 63rd game when like Freddie Freeman hits a walk-off home run or something.

The Atlanta Braves just can’t do anything right.

Georgia drivers have to be the dumbest

As is often part of the morning ritual, I sat down at my desk with my first cup of coffee for the day, and after the first tentative sip to gauge temperature, I began to read the local news.  I do this in spite of my general dread at seeing at what shootings and/or killings occurred in Southwest Atlanta over the last 24 hours, and hope to read something that’s of genuine interest, because ultimately, I’d like to be fairly well aware of what’s going on in my neck of the woods.

On top of the stories of shootings and/or killings that occurred in Southwest Atlanta over the last 24 hours, I noticed a fairly disturbing amount of stories regarding accidents resulting in fatalities or severe injuries, because someone was driving on the wrong side of the road, leading to some devastating sounding head-on collisions.

Over the weekend alone, there these two (reported) incidents within Metro Atlanta where people somehow managed to get on the wrong sides of the road heading in the opposite direction of the flow of traffic, and inevitably slamming head-first into oncoming vehicles.  Unfortunately, in both cases, there were fatalities, along with several severe injuries, and in one of them, the victim was a police officer.

This is just two incidents over the span of a weekend, but the truth is that these incidents happen pretty frequently.  Perhaps not nearly as often as the nightly shootings and/or killings in Southwest Atlanta, but it’s fairly commonplace that there’s the occasional story in the morning of some dumbass dead on account of heading the wrong direction in traffic.

That being said, I’m now inclined to believe that Georgia drivers have to be the dumbest drivers out there.  I will still maintain that overall, Maryland drivers are the absolute worst, Virginia drivers are the biggest sissies, North Carolina drivers are the most destructive (AKA most inclined to hit-and-run), but Georgia drivers have got to be the dumbest drivers out there.

Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to go the wrong way in traffic?

Like, highway entrances are often times created in a manner in which it basically conditions muscle memory to where you could do it while half asleep or other manners of inhibition; turning right onto a road after crossing a highway bridge would practically be like trying to write with my off-hand, something would most definitely feel off the moment I attempted it.

Naturally, there are excuses, like people who try to claim that signs are faded or obscured which can be true at times, but I’m actually quite familiar with the particular road on the aforementioned link.  Sure, it’s kind of rural and the signage might be sparse or it’s dark at night, but how do you miss two clear lanes of traffic? It’s a parkway where sure it’s kind of dark at night, but the intersections are still fairly well lit, because it’s clearly important for drivers to be able to see where they’re going, but clearly there are people too stupid to realize to drive three yards into the correct flow of traffic.

Simply put, I don’t think I ever hear of so many incidents of wrong-way driving incidents resulting in massive catastrophe like I do in Georgia.  That being said, it kind of goes without saying now that Georgia drivers have to be the dumbest in the country, if they can’t even get right, driving in the correct direction on the road.

Priorities

Short story shorter: Fresno man rescues his entire family from an apartment fire, yawn.  Goes back in afterward to rescue slab of ribs from getting burned, HERO.

This guy truly know what’s up.  He has his priorities straight, obviously.

I don’t know who this guy is, other than the fact that his name is Robert Wright and he lives in Fresno, California.  But I think I love him.

The best part of this whole thing is that he basically cut a wrestling promo; he introduced himself, engaged himself to the camera, identified what he did, and what his intentions were.  Obviously vastly more talented than Bray Wyatt.

Bonus points for him brandishing his rescued slab of ribs the entire 90 second interview, as if it were a championship belt.  I mean, ribs are delicious, and his look pretty legit, so I guess it’s a matter of why the heck shouldn’t he?